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I'm too impatient to wait until Monday to talk to my attorneys for the factual stuff, and I want some opinions from the experienced minds of SI.

First of all, STBX is constantly throwing around accusations about my mental health. I'm not even depressed, according to my therapist, who dx me with adjustment disorder, which basically means, "this situation sucks ass, I need support, and the insurance company requires a diagnosis in order to pay for treatment" lol. However, STBX and his LCSW psycho girlfriend have apparently diagnosed me with a personality disorder and depression. I'm not afraid of this AT ALL, because the judge doesn't care about whatever dumb shit he wants to say about my mental health, with no proof to back it up.

However, my lawyers and I have tossed around the idea of having everyone go through a psych eval, just to prevent any planting of any seeds. The problem I see with that is that STBX just lies, so would it really tell us anything useful? Is there any point in that? This is where we've always gotten hung up in the past.

What do you guys think, and how exactly does it work? Do they talk to us about each other, or do we only answer their questions about ourselves?

[This message edited by Coraline at 9:55 PM, July 21st (Sunday)]

We had a full-on parenting eval. Extensive psych evals were part of it. Yes, he lied through the entire process. I had my evidence to back up my claims. He was NOT able to fake his way through the tests. The evaluator made a pretty fair assessment, although I'd have preferred he included my evidence in the final report.

Hi Coraline,

#1 Psych evaluation/custody evaluator: everyone gets thoroughly evaluated (adults and children).
#2 It's hella expensive
#3 An excellent psychiatrist will do a forensic psychological "autopsy" (for lack of a better word).

The one that is here is highly highly recommended.

You will not have anything to worry about. If anything, they may be able to give you ideas on parenting issues. They may uncover some sensitive issues within yourself but that would be for your personal insight.

They don't talk to each other about the other. It's a lot of testing and then interviews with the doctor.

I don't think your stbx would request it because the kids have been in your care primarily.

I would have done it had my stbx had not changed his mind (he initially wanted it) but I would not have asked for it because I didn't want to put my kids through testing, meeting a new psychiatrist and the cost. My stbx also lies all the time so I was wondering the same thing. But according to a psychologist who trained under the top person in the state, he can see bullshit liars.

Take care, dmari

We have a situation in Hawaii where they just changes the law about who can be a custody evaluator, and they didn't grandfather anyone in, even if they'd already been doing it for twenty years. If they don't meet the new guidelines, they're out. Since almost no one in the state meets the new guidelines, there is a dearth of evaluators, so the judges now aren't ordering custody evaluations unless both parties agree.

Now, I don't know if they're completely refusing to order them, or only if they're refusing it when one party is asking for the other to pay for all or a portion of one, because it doesn't make sense to me that they'd say you *can't* do one at all, if you're willing to cover the entire expense yourself. I mean, right? I will ask my atty tomorrow, but I've been pondering things today. I also don't know if I need one at all, given that the judge was pretty clear that me getting physical custody was a given. There are some particular topics I would really like someone to look into though, so that might be a good reason to have a CE.

The psych eval though....my husband is not like yours, NG, so I wonder if he could just lie about me and lie about himself, and come out looking golden and making me look worse by lying the whole time. My STBX is not like yours. Yours seriously has to be in the record books. It seems like it would be hard to hide your husband's craziness.

We cross-posted dmari. :) The law JUST changed.

[This message edited by Coraline at 1:39 AM, July 22nd (Monday)]

Thank you for letting me know!! That sure is interesting and I'm curious to know why the change. What wasn't working before that it needed to be changed?

I'm relieved that my cowardly stbx changed his mind. Now that it is on court record that he rescinded, if he tries for custody only just to lower child support, the court will clearly see he had his chance for custody but changed his mind.

Good luck tomorrow and keep us update if you can. I'm curious to what your attorney will say and the reasoning. Take care!

My STBX already said he didn't want one. His reason was that it was too expensive. I'm just particularly concerned about visitation, because I have 2 very young kids and my 9yo has some anxiety, especially with change, and due to our eventual geographical separation, visits will be long.

Your stbx will not be able to fake out the testing. They are designed to "trap" people like him. I would imagine that most people with personality disorders think they can outsmart the psychiatrist and the testing. They are almost universally wrong.

And there's no way OW, as a social worker, would qualify as an expert to discuss your alleged "personality disorder" with anyone whose opinion matters.

I'm sorry. I've been talking about two issues in this thread. I was originally asking about a psych eval, then started talking about a custody eval. Sorry if that was confusing. I just noticed I wasn't being at all clear once I switched topics.

Okay, so back to psych evals. Is there really any point in bothering with one? I mean, I've been on AD's, but the last time was ten years ago, and I'm pretty sure no one would care even if I was on them now, right? I've never needed anti-anxiety meds, never been suicidal in my life, never had trouble getting out of bed or taking care of the kids, etc. So is there any reason to do one?

NO ~ don't volunteer to do a psych evaluation for just yourself. There is absolutely not need for one. The ONLY reason you would get one would be for custody issues and then everyone would need to get one.

If stbx brings it up, your attorney can state that it would be in the best interest for both parties to get one done.

Oh, that's what I meant - for both of us. Sorry.

XWH#1 insisted on a psych evaluation. I mean how could I be in my right mind if I wanted to divorce him and move on. Anyway he also thought he could fool the pychiatrist, but the tests and such showed him for the selfish bastard he was. My evaluation came out just fine. They can not usually lie and manipulate the way they think they can on these tests. Sometimes the same question is asked just in a different way and if you give a different answer then that shows you are trying to manipulate and lie. It was very expensive. We had to pay for our own and split the children's expenses. We had to go three different times as best I remember. It was a waste of money and time as far as I was concerned.

When I looked into it, the approximate cost was $3,500! Would have been nice to have a diagnosis, but, um, no. Way too expensive.