You are grieving the death of your marriage as you knew it. You are most likely wondering how your husband could kill it for what...30-60 minutes of sex? I grieve the death of my marriage...its death was payment for my wifes 4 month fantasy-world play date. Some on here have much more gruesome stories on how their marriage died (STDs, pregnancies, AP was a brother to their husband, etc.)...but at the end of the day...all of our marriages as we knew them were killed by our WS. Does it matter if a hatchet, knife or gun was used once the destruction ends? It might make a difference on the LENGTH of recovery, but it doesn't change the fact that our marriages as we new them were killed.
We all have seen our marriages killed by the only other person who could do it besides us...our spouses.
I see you are wondering about other men...this is not weird. I commend you for keeping this thought to a faceless man. I have wondered about other women...but real women. This was a strong temptation for me from about 3 months after DD to about 8 months after DD. Those 5 months were really challenging for me. I, unlike my wife, have always known I needed firm boundaries when it came to other women. I intentionally put effort into NOT creating opportunities to connect to other women. Once I got passed the shock of discovering my wifes A, I seriously wondered if I put too much value in keeping my boundaries so firm. Maybe our vows are not as sacred as I thought them to be? That was a real thought in my head...talk about weird! I see that now.
Now I am so very thankful that I did not give into these temptations...I am not sure where you are headed with your thoughts...but pray on them, read about affairs and revenge affairs, and seek IC....all of those helped me stay committed to my vows.
I don't want to get too preachy...and I think you are perfectly normal and not weird. Just a caution to keep your guard up.
As a man, I know how men can think....if you have a moment of weakness around the wrong man (anyone but your husband at this point in time) and open up to him and share moments with him....well, it is a very slippery slope indeed.
Stay your course with regards to your vows and you will not regret your actions later.
God be with you.
[This message edited by blakesteele at 11:42 AM, July 23rd (Tuesday)]