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Newest Member: danisisu7 (61142)

User Topic: Dday <4 wks ago & we decided to divorce
♀ 39728
Member # 39728
Default  Posted: 9:15 PM, July 22nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He didn't even fight for me or the marriage or the family. We've been together for 16 yrs and married for 11yrs. I don't even want him back but, my god, he didn't even fight for us!!! That almost hurts worse than the A. He won't end up with the OW because she lives in Asia and she's married and she won't leave her family. She's just an ego boost for him. Wo knows. I mean, I realize our marriage was not the best but now I feel worse than I did before. I had hope (before the A) that we could work on our issues. He does drink too much and I'm not into drinking at all. That was a big problem.
That's my latest. Headed for divorce.
GL to everyone.

[This message edited by tennispro at 9:16 PM, July 22nd (Monday)]

Me: BS 44yo
Him: WS 42yo
Married 11yrs; together 16yr
Kids: 8yo and 3yo
Dday: June 26, 2013
Dday #2: July 22, 2013 - found out same woman and been going on since Dec 2012.
Starting the divorce process. Listing our home. Scared but hopeful.

Posts: 40 | Registered: Jul 2013
♂ 39704
Member # 39704
Default  Posted: 9:32 PM, July 22nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It is heartbreaking when they don't even want to fight for it. You keep waiting for the movie ending where it was all a big mistake and they want you back. Even if that is where you turn and walk away. But they don't give us anything. Well FTG

[This message edited by unwound at 9:33 PM, July 22nd (Monday)]

HS Sweethearts
Married 17 years
D-Day June 6,2013
Verizon + Integrated Messaging = I am secretly reading EVERY text and picture she sends.

Posts: 43 | Registered: Jun 2013
♀ 38384
Member # 38384
Default  Posted: 10:26 PM, July 22nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((tennispro))) I am so sorry. This is what is referred to as an Exit Affair from what I understand. I was reading about this in a book I have called, Infidelity: Working Through the Repercussions of Infidelity by Emily Brown. If you are interested there is a good section in there about Rebuilding When your M Ends with an Affair.

But no matter the term, it hurts. Your H is not taking any responsibility for your M. He will likely never figure out what was broken in him to cheat and is bound to repeat the same pattern all over again at some point in his life.

I hope he gets a handle on this drinking and does some introspection.

Do you have a lot of support?

Me: 44
He: 47 WH
Married: 15 years
D Day: December 2012
Affair: Fall 2009 - Dec. 2011
R is not linear

Posts: 3439 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Canada, eh
♀ 38975
Member # 38975
Frustrated  Posted: 3:44 PM, July 23rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


I am sorry that you have been dealt this hand of cards. I truly am.

Your husband is being incredibly shellfish and hurtful.

I know it is easier said than done but please do not allow him to project his poor choices on you.

He chose to cheat and there is no excuse for that ever. He could have been honorable and had integrity and discussed his feelings and what was wrong but he did not.

Stay strong and cover your bases. You deserve honesty and truth.

The best is yet to be.


" I am just really f'ing tired " ---ME

Posts: 3203 | Registered: Apr 2013
♀ 26893
Member # 26893
Default  Posted: 1:24 AM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know that must really hurt. However, I often think it would have been kinder of my husband to refuse to work on the marriage. As the wise Lady Gaga and Beyonce say "Trust is like a mirror. You can fix it if it's broken, but you can still see the crack in that motherF***er's reflection..."

I think people who divorce and get good support have a better chance of finding real peace again in a much shorter timeframe.

BW 38, 5 kids
Dday Dec. 2009

Posts: 4034 | Registered: Dec 2009
Topic Posts: 5

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