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Newest Member: new2this2 (45757)

User Topic: Tough to be alone tonight
Dawn58
♀ 37656
Member # 37656
Default  Posted: 11:49 PM, July 22nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi All,

Well, met with my attorney today. Responding to a 70 plus pages of disclosure his attorney sent over. We manage to get through it all, I still have to search out some addition papers. Two hour meeting.

Came home and decided to take a walk on the beach. Then it hit. More grieving the dream of the marriage. Not missing him anymore, just the thought of being married, being connected to another person. When I am sad, that's when the loneliness is amplified. No one to hug me, no one to hold me tonight. Just me. A hot bath, cup of tea and a lovely walk on the beach.

I want so much to heal from this, mend my heart and move on. But, on days like this, it would sure be nice to have someone just hold me for a little while. I am trying so hard to be independent now and take care of myself. But there are times when I really miss having someone here at the end of the day to talk to. I miss touch. It's not him that I miss, just the knowing that someone is there. So, I am reaching out to my SI family and letting you all know, that I am lonely tonight, that I am sad tonight that the dream of my marriage is gone. I am so grateful not to be with my soon to be ex-husband anymore - life is better alone than with him. That I welcome all the hugs I can get tonight. And give you all a hug back (((hug)))


I got into the marriage, because I loved him. I got out of the marriage, because I love me.

Posts: 490 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Southern California
numbandnauseous
♀ 34525
Member # 34525
Default  Posted: 12:05 AM, July 23rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((((((Dawn58))))))))

So sorry you are feeling sad tonight. It is good you are moving through this and grieving - it is all part of the process.

BTW, it sure sounds like you have gotten the "self-care" part down to me:
hot bath, cup of tea, walk on the beach --- that sounds like heaven!

Huge hugs, Dawn! This too, shall pass. Be gentle with yourself - you had a tough day today.


BS (me) - 41
WH - 48, EA with HS GF x 2
M: 10 years, T: 20
2 small children
DDay#1 - Christmas 2011 (OW#1)
Confronted - 4/6/12
DDay#2 - July 9, 2012 (OW#2)
He is an SA (Oct 2012)
Divorcing

Posts: 827 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: the other side
FaithFool
♀ 20150
Member # 20150
Default  Posted: 12:06 AM, July 23rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

duplicate

[This message edited by FaithFool at 12:07 AM, July 23rd (Tuesday)]


DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire

Posts: 17712 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Canada
FaithFool
♀ 20150
Member # 20150
Default  Posted: 12:06 AM, July 23rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Dawn)))

It's been such a short time since everything blew up. Your feelings are perfectly natural for this point in the journey.

I remember so well that feeling after x left the house at my request, all that summer and fall I'd be out doing yard work and would just drop to my knees weeping with the terrible pain of the loss.

It will get better, it will pass. But for right now it hurts.

I know exactly how you are feeling.

Full moon tonight intensifying everything. Big hugs.

[This message edited by FaithFool at 12:07 AM, July 23rd (Tuesday)]


DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire

Posts: 17712 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Canada
Nature_Girl
♀ 32554
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 12:09 AM, July 23rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((HUGS))))

Wow, I'd love to join you for a cup of tea & a walk on the beach!


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - DIVORCED!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wJgjyDFfJuU

Posts: 10039 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
gypsybird87
♀ 39193
Member # 39193
Default  Posted: 12:37 AM, July 23rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dawn,

I feel so connected to you. Every post you write is one I feel I could have written myself. I am right where you are... No longer missing the man he revealed himself to be, but missing the man I thought he was, missing the wonderful marriage I thought I had, and just missing having someone there for me.

Lately I've been thinking of a line from one of my favorite movies, "Shall We Dance?" with Richard Gere and Susan Sarandon. She says:

"We need a witness to our lives. There's a billion people on the planet... I mean, what does any one life really mean? But in a marriage, you're promising to care about everything. The good things, the bad things, the terrible things, the mundane things... all of it, all of the time, every day. You're saying 'Your life will not go unnoticed because I will notice it. Your life will not go un-witnessed because I will be your witness'."

Those of us that are BS now find ourselves alone, through no fault of our own, with no one to be our witness. If you are childless, like me, that feeling is intensified. Or as my aunt (also a BW) put it, "I'm no one's number one." She realized she's no one's number one person to call in the event of an emergency. When she told me that, I realized I'm not either. It was a tough moment.

I guess that's why its so important we have each other here on SI. So we don't feel so "unwitnessed." At least what we are going through is being heard and acknowledged, even if its by anonymous friends (no longer strangers!) that we may never meet face to face.

But you need physical comfort too, Dawn. Touch is so important. Schedule a massage, get a pedicure, take a ballroom dance class. I do all three, and being physically touched and connected to other people, even casually, helps tremendously. If I'm being perfectly honest, I have to say that my massage therapist being a handsome young guy doesn't hurt either!

I'm with NG.. I'd join you for that tea and beachwalk in a heartbeat! We are all with you in spirit, Dawn!!

Hugs!!!

[This message edited by gypsybird87 at 12:40 AM, July 23rd (Tuesday)]


Me: Enjoying life
Him: Someone else's problem

Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage. ~ Anais Nin


Posts: 1011 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Oregon
dmari
♀ 37215
Member # 37215
Default  Posted: 12:52 AM, July 23rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((((Dawn58))))) (((((Dawn58))))) and one more (((((Dawn58))))) I'm so proud of you for reaching out to your SI family. I totally get how you feel. I miss a good strong hug from a man.

You have come such a long long way! You are doing a fantastic job! 70+ pages ... WTH??? What a pathetic dummy! He's trying to wear you down but it is just making you stronger! Continue to move forward and feel the support, hugs and love coming from us!!


Me (BS): 43 Children: DD 19, DS 15
Divorced September 30, 2014
"It's always darkest before the dawn ..."

Posts: 2304 | Registered: Oct 2012
PhantomLimb
♀ 39668
Member # 39668
Default  Posted: 1:56 AM, July 23rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((Dawn58))

You are going so well and taking such good care of yourself. Let yourself grieve and you will be stronger for it.

I used to be so innocent when I was with him; I thought I could do anything I set my mind to and he would have my back. I still remember what it felt like to hold him.

Nights like this definitely suck. Here's hoping we have better nights ahead... with someone new-- and someone truly strong-- who has our backs.


BS / D

Posts: 863 | Registered: Jun 2013
SBB
♀ 35229
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 7:28 AM, July 23rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((Dawn)) I've been there - I will be there again I'm sure.

I spent the last 5 years of that M feeling the same way. You think I'd be used to it but I'm not.

My sister held me as we both cried and I fell asleep in her arms many times. My friends have held me as I cried.

I've never been this person. I've never needed hugs. Certainly not when I'm hurting.

I'm embracing my vulnerability for the first time in my life and it is lovely. To be able to give and receive love and affection when I was feeling so very vulnerable has been one of the greatest gifts of this last year.

My reflex prior had always been to stuff down and reject my feelings, put on a brave face and just push forward - always forward.

I still have a brave face but I don't need it all the time anymore. I'm not pushing forward, I'm gliding peacefully forward.

"We need a witness to our lives. There's a billion people on the planet... I mean, what does any one life really mean? But in a marriage, you're promising to care about everything. The good things, the bad things, the terrible things, the mundane things... all of it, all of the time, every day. You're saying 'Your life will not go unnoticed because I will notice it. Your life will not go un-witnessed because I will be your witness'."

Good lord Gypsybird - you're killing me here. That is beautiful.


I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 5660 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
FaithFool
♀ 20150
Member # 20150
Default  Posted: 8:56 AM, July 23rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What Gypsybird said ^^^. Wow.

How are you doing this morning Dawn?


DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire

Posts: 17712 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Canada
Dawn58
♀ 37656
Member # 37656
Default  Posted: 9:00 AM, July 23rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you all for the hugs!!! Gypsybird, your post was beautiful and brought tears to my eyes. Yes, we all need a witness to our lives. And you all, are the witness to my life.

I have not cried for several weeks now and I am grateful not to be in the gut wrenching pain 24/7. These tears have a bittersweet quality to them, not that raw rage and pain.

Massage is an excellent idea, my IC suggested that as well. Gypsybird, does your massage therapist come down to California

Thank you all for your support, for witnessing me and reminding me of the wonderful family I have here. ((Hugs))


I got into the marriage, because I loved him. I got out of the marriage, because I love me.

Posts: 490 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Southern California
Dawn58
♀ 37656
Member # 37656
Default  Posted: 9:01 AM, July 23rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh, and yes, my STBX and his fancy pants attorney and their 72 page disclosure can stick it where the sun don't shine. My attorney did say that there were part of my disclosure that they will not be happy with.


I got into the marriage, because I loved him. I got out of the marriage, because I love me.

Posts: 490 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Southern California
Getting to Happy
♀ 35200
Member # 35200
Default  Posted: 10:00 AM, July 23rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Have a better day sweet Dawn58.
(((((Hugs and more hugs!)))))


WS him
BS me DD's 26, 25' DS 23
dd1 1-1-10, dd2 Mothers Day 2011, dd3 3-12-12 Hawaii trip with ho-worker...

Never forget what is worth remembering or remember what is best forgotten.
Unknown


Posts: 1145 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: La La Land
Topic Posts: 13

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