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abigailadams posted 7/23/2013 00:40 AM

We finally got an offer for our apartment and now reality is hitting me hard. Interest rates are going up and we will get a bit less than I thought so yet again I am reducing my expectations for the new smaller apartment I will buy for myself and my DD. The CS will help but the financial reality is not good. Maybe I am just tired but this doesn't look like a new beginning but a lifetime of penny pinching and financial worry.

I am still battling reconciliation fantasies as well. My stbx showed up at DDs camp pick up today. It wasn't his day and I asked him if he had checked our calendar or read his email and he smirked no. And I am so pathetic that I kept feeling afterwards maybe he wanted to see me. Instead of the obvious answer that he is still in the fog and simply stupid.


dmari posted 7/23/2013 00:47 AM

(((((abigailadams)))) Hugs for the financial reality and hugs for the fantasies.

And I am so pathetic that I kept feeling afterwards maybe he wanted to see me. Instead of the obvious answer that he is still in the fog and simply stupid. <<< This doesn't make you "pathetic" ~ I think a better word would be hopeful or optimistic.

I had a fantasy that stbx would return fully remorseful with flowers and letters then I remembered that I never got flowers during our marriage so why would I expect them now. I also remembered that he never did anything that required work (marriage, raising children) so why would I expect him to do differently.

I'm sorry you had a crappy day and I hope tomorrow treats you better.

abigailadams posted 7/23/2013 00:55 AM

Thanks Dmari. Sometimes it really hurts.

I am sorry you too never got flowers during your marriage. I realized at one point way before DDay that my two step-DDs and my stbx all had nice new watches and iPods all bought by stbx and I didn't have either a watch or an iPod. I would tell myself at the time how could I care about such petty stuff but now I really see it as symbolic.

dmari posted 7/23/2013 01:32 AM

I would tell myself at the time how could I care about such petty stuff but now I really see it as symbolic. <<< me too. I thought by sacrificing my "wants", I was being a good wife. Today I picked my own damn flowers from my yard ! (((((abigailadams)))))

SBB posted 7/23/2013 07:30 AM

((abigailadams))

The 'what ifs' were torture for me. Thankfully he helped burst that bubble for me pretty early on in the piece.

Sending you strength and healing, friend. And another hug ((abigailadams))

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