We're in a no fault.... so the L said that, technically, the fact that I quit the position in the office looks like my decision. WS had suggested a sublet and can demonstrate that he tried to accommodate my still working there (altering the position so I wouldn't have to work with him-- or her-- directly, etc). L said that we could try to prove adultery to demonstrate he left me no choice, but I have no emails or other proof. They were careful about any contact (phone, email) that could come back to haunt them because of her own D. They are lying/hiding the affair at the office-- I assume because it makes them look bad until a certain amount of time has passed. He lied about our breakup to the boss (he told him our split was amicable and I could still work there). I was advised not to out the affair when I quit (via email) so as not to burn any bridges at the job (i.e. don't look like the crazy ex) in case he ever leaves and I want to apply again... but I did get help wording it so that I made it clear that it was his doing and it was not amicable.
Some of my friends have said that it screamed "he had an affair" without saying it. Some say that it didn't.
OW is going through a divorce, but I only know her first name... think I figured out her last name... but she doesn't seem to have a FB account, etc. I have no idea how I would get in touch with her STBXH to tell him what's been going on with them... but, again, no fault state anyway.
As for support: until this year we were poor grad students and lived in crap apartments (or with my parents) because we were making under the poverty line. He got this job, is making six figures now, but I didn't live there this year because I was finishing my grad work while working a stepping stone job to get the position in his office. So our place out there, all the furniture, everything... all in his name. Things that were obviously mine he shipped out to me. He kept a lot of weird stuff (my yoga things, the china, stuff for the dog, etc)... but I have a lot of our mutual things here in storage, including electronics and whatnot and he hasn't asked for them back... so I'm content to just let all of that lie.
And I untangled any shared accounts. Only he has the power to change me as his beneficiary (I tried to take myself off but can't).
Other than that, the L says we can send him letters to try to scare him to pay back a loan my parents gave him and any lost wages for me (threaten to garnish his pay)... but they would be just that. Threats. Where he works/what he does has him working daily with legal counsel. Like, top of the field legal counsel. Like, I would be screwed.
The L has recommended we just walk away and I start over.
The good news is, other than some low numbers on a couple of credit cards, I'm debt free. He's over 1/4 mil in the hole between student loans and credit cards (we kept those accounts separate). Once he got he new job, he started buying me lots of expensive things (diamonds, LVs, etc). I'll never use those things so, technically, I have things I could sell.
I could afford an apartment-- but it would be really tight. It would be "I can never get sick" "No xmas presents for anyone" "I hope you like tuna" tight. If I live with family, I'll just have to pay for food and gas and I'll have money left over to pay down my credit cards and, assuming I can get a better job next year, I'll be in a better position.
Frankly, the commute will be brutal (4 hours a day in the car, 3 days a week), but I don't mind all that much. The thing that gives me an anxiety attack is that it will kill my social life-- a social life that was almost non-existent this past year while I was slaving away at this job and we were long-distance (unlike him, I wasn't getting it somewhere else every night... so the five times we were able to do it all year, yeah, that was it for me). But I suppose I'm not supposed to focus on that.
[This message edited by PhantomLimb at 10:27 AM, July 23rd (Tuesday)]