SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

soveryweary posted 7/23/2013 06:38 AM

my STBX grandfather had a mistress he married.
My father in law had a mistress he married and later divorced.
My husband has a mistress, who knows where that is going.
Now I find out that my son broke up with his girlfriend of almost ten years last week.
Doing some investigative work, I found out he had been seeing someone else for a while.
I am heartsick. Does the cycle ever stop?
I called him last night, he wouldn't fess up, told me it wasn't my business.
After what he saw his father's affair did to me and our family, I just can't believe he did this.
I loved his girlfriend like a daughter.
I don't know if I should call her.
He is a coward like his father. Not telling me because he didn't want to upset me. Just like his father won't tell my dear, sweet mother in law because he doesn't want to upset her.
I love my son dearly, but am so, so disappointed in him.
The cycle continues on and on and on.

PrincessPeach06 posted 7/23/2013 06:48 AM

My father in law cheated and married the woman. I am not sure about his father, he was married to the same woman his entire life but he could have cheated, who knows!?!

WS wants to break the cycle, I hope and pray he can. We have 3 boys who need a dad that can show them how to love/respect a woman which my WS never had. :(

ifinallyfoundme posted 7/23/2013 06:51 AM

I have sons as well, and yes infidelity does run in the family, but I've always taught my sons and tried to live the best Christian life before them. They know Christ and in this day of no morals are still virgins. So yes it is possible.

hemademesingle posted 7/23/2013 09:03 AM

Please don't let my son turn out like his father's family

Paternal great grandfather had affair with his wife's sister, this produced twins which the betrayed spouse raised, stories go that she was not a good mother to the twins, twins were boys,both twins cheated, one being paternal grandfather who cheated constantly, ended up marrying a married neighbor, one of the women that he was cheating with,it has been told to me that he used to come home and ask dumbass and his family if they liked the smell of the pussy on his face,divorce filed when maternal grandmother got caught with a 16 year old juvenile delinquent,dumbass was 10-12 at the time, she worked at the facility that the delinquent was locked up at, it was a creepy relationship if you ask me, she treated him like a house boy, dumbass has cheated on everyone he has ever been with, including the new one, she contacted me in September 2012 to cry about it, I never even knew who she was, she called the cops on him, then begged him to take her back , dumbass has been with 4 different loves of his lives in the last 3 years,including the latest one and they all overlap each other, yucky, at least the one thing that I can say is that he was single when I met him, oh and the family didn't divulge these secrets to me until after marriage, kids, many years

I at least got to be naive for a long time, this new one got into his email account in the summer of 2012, and found out that he continued to hook-up with women, men, and transvestites, oh and he liked lactating mother's if they would let him suckle, then he would go down on them, even if it was that time of month, but they had to wear a tampon, I am so thankful that I never knew that information until we had been separated over a year, and he was thousands of miles away, I don't care to know what all he did, I do know that when I caught him in 2007, our 12 year old daughter who was with me when I caught him said "well, at least it's the first whore that you caught him with" she knew because of the kids at school, we lived in a small town, I worked in a large city and commuted, he worked in the small town where the kids went to school, but to him he grew up with lousy morals, so it really was no big deal, I believe that my kids have far more information about dumbass's cheating, but I'll never ask them, I just encourage them to get counselling,

His family is actually a big train wreck, but they pretended like they were some high class group, once you got to see the inside, I didn't associate with them after I heard the stories and neither did I allow my kids,

Oh and maternal grandmother didn't know who her father was, her mother at 14 got pregnant by a US military guy that was stationed in her home town, maternal great grandmother after a couple years didn't want to raise maternal grandmother so she gave her to the family that had adopted maternal great grandmother when she was 2, maternal great grandmother was the product of an affair,

I hope both my kids turn out like my family, long history of great marriages, with no cheating that I am aware of, they did have way more exposure to my family thank god

edit- to fix the maternal paternal, I do get confused with dumbass's lineage

[This message edited by hemademesingle at 9:11 AM, July 23rd (Tuesday)]

Holly-Isis posted 7/23/2013 09:18 AM

I loved his girlfriend like a daughter.
I don't know if I should call her.

Please do call her. She will know there is someone that validates her relationship, her fidelity, her love for your son. Also, that the relationship she built with you was real, not to be washed away by the "blood is thicker than water" attitude. She'll have the blessing to see that you also see your DS's choices as wrong, cowardly and hurtful.

Sleepless22 posted 7/23/2013 10:00 AM

My husband's grandfather repeatedly cheated.
My husband's father repeatedly cheated.
My husband has cheated twice.
My 10 year old son is from a previous marriage but has seen it all. My WH is his father full time while his father only sees him part time. I also have a son on the way.

I am truly scared that even though WH and my son do not share DNA, they will share this. I have even considered ending my marriage just to keep this cycle from happening again and protecting my children.

WH is in counseling and WFIL may be starting counseling because my MIL is about to divorce him after all this time.

As far as the cycling. Only they can stop it and unfortunately no matter how much we love our children, we can't make them do anything they don't want to do.

As far as your son's girlfriend. Call her. Support her. She may want to talk to you or she may not, but it is worth it to show her your support. Just because you are supporting her doesn't mean that you love your son any less or that you have to bad mouth him but you might be able to help her work through the insanity that infidelity creates. She needs to know you care.