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Insecurities getting in the way?

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lostmommy posted 7/23/2013 12:52 PM

How do you stop yourself from letting your insecurities about yourself get the better of you? I've been with SO for a month and a half now. We're exclusive. His actions match his words. Yet I get insecure at times, for what are seemingly silly reasons. We're friends on Facebook (which is basically how we reconnected after we stopped seeing each other in January), and twice now he's "liked" photos of other women. Not commented, just "liked" them. And I triggered. I didn't tell him, nor do I want to, because I feel like it's my issue to deal with at the moment.

We met each other's children this past weekend and we had a great time. I felt comfortable letting him into J's life at this point because I've known him since October, and honestly it's like we had never spent any time apart.

We see each other several times a week, and always make plans for the next time when we're together. He's going back to school in the fall and told me what his available days are going to be (not much of a variation on our current "schedule" if you will), so to me that means he sees me sticking around for a while.

This weekend, he left his phone at home one day because "all the people he cared to talk to were with him" which made me squee. LOL

We talk throughout the day - either on the phone or through texting.

I'm happy with him. He makes me smile and makes me think. I can see something building here, and I don't want to let my insecurities get the better of me.

So why am I insecure? Because I triggered? When am I going to stop being insecure?

spentchange posted 7/24/2013 02:10 AM

Keep walking on the path. You describe clarity and a positive vibe. There is nothing wrong to ask a question about 'like' a womans photo. Does he know her, have a reason beyond physical? I think wondering why these women were worth the like is more about getting to know a person. If it is based on strictly beauty, then this seems to be antrigger that will continue and I hope you deal with.

In any case, I am a ball of insecurity hoping for someone to like me instead of focusing on if I like this person. I keep trying to remind myself to hold firm to my own ego and not try and controls others. Hard to do.

Best of luck and may you have many more blissful moments with your SO.

Amazonia posted 7/24/2013 05:30 AM

Are we talking about "liking" her busty bathroom pics, or "liking" a vacation photo of a great view?

lostmommy posted 7/24/2013 10:30 AM

One woman's pic was in a bathing suit. Another one was in a dress. Neither one were bathroom shots.

Amazonia posted 7/24/2013 10:34 AM

I'd personally be uncomfortable with that, if he's "liking" their looks. It's the e-equivalent to blatantly checking out other women in front of you. Yeah, we all notice attractive people, but you stay respectful and private about it, not oogle.

lostmommy posted 7/24/2013 10:39 AM

But do I make an issue out of it now or just leave it alone and see if it continues? I'm not really sure how to address it without seeming like a stalker either.

lostmommy posted 7/24/2013 10:42 AM

Best of luck and may you have many more blissful moments with your SO.

Thank you

ExposedNiblet posted 7/24/2013 10:44 AM

lostmommy, I am in no way an expert on dating/relationships, nor am I currently dating anyone so please keep that in mind.

I couldn't help but notice that your tag line states you were divorced in April of this year. It's now the end of July - 3 months later. Are you sure you're ready for this? Maybe these insecurities are your body's way of saying "whoa there missy, slow dowwwwwnnnnn."

It seems to me that so many of us who have dealt with cheating ex-husbands need a lot of time to heal. I know for myself, I needed IC as well. My divorce was granted in 2012, I still don't think I'm ready to hit the dating pool yet; I still have too many insecurities, but slowly, I'm working through them. Someday soon, I to be confident enough in myself to enter into a relationship and be a healthy, trusting participant in it.

That's just my 2 cents' worth.

Good luck.

lostmommy posted 7/24/2013 10:47 AM

I couldn't help but notice that your tag line states you were divorced in April of this year. It's now the end of July - 3 months later. Are you sure you're ready for this? Maybe these insecurities are your body's way of saying "whoa there missy, slow dowwwwwnnnnn."

I can see why you'd say that, but my marriage ended the day he left which was 8/27/11, so it'll be two years next month. The divorce being granted in April was really just a formality.

ExposedNiblet posted 7/24/2013 11:02 AM

I'm sorry lostmommy, my bad. Thank you for clearing that up!

Well then, in light of that info, I would have to say that I too would be uncomfortable with any SO "liking" the photos. You're definitely not alone in that! Knowing me, I'd say something in passing, just to let him know I wasn't okay with it.

(Again, I want to reiterate that I am NOT currently dating.)

Geez, like dating wasn't difficult enough in the good old days, now we have this FB/social networking crap to deal with on top of it.

I'm sorry this happened to you.

Good luck.

Amazonia posted 7/24/2013 11:31 AM

But do I make an issue out of it now or just leave it alone and see if it continues? I'm not really sure how to address it without seeming like a stalker either.

Sorry, I don't have a good answer for this.

I was just trying to communicate that this isn't you being overly insecure; it's him having boundaries I personally wouldn't be willing to date.

lostmommy posted 7/24/2013 12:23 PM

No worries, Exposed!

I think I'm going to let it go for now. I feel like if I comment on it at this point, it's going to be based on my personal insecurities. My gut is telling me that everything is ok, and my gut hasn't been wrong before. I don't really feel that it's a boundary violation because it's not something that we've talked about. If it continues to happen, I'm going to bring it up. So far his actions match his words, and I don't want to create an unnecessary issue at this point.

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