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Newest Member: Thranduilion (61515)

User Topic: Soul mates???
♀ 39019
Member # 39019
Default  Posted: 1:02 PM, July 23rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I keep reading in posts and hearing the term "soul mates" from my WH. I just don't believe in that anymore. I don't think I really have since early twenties. I think that any long term relationship be it friendship or marriage is a daily choice that becomes a commitment if you invest enough into it. I WANT to believe in the magical notion but I just don't have it in me. Maybe that means I am shallow, or I have built strong barriers or maybe just a pessimist. I used to think this was one of the beautiful things about our marriage I was the pragmatist which allowed him to be the dreamer. I envied his ability to believe in the fact he said he believed enough for both of us. Makes me feel a bit down today.

Honesty is a very expensive gift. Don't expect it from cheap people.

Posts: 101 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Me=BW 45
♀ 38162
Member # 38162
Default  Posted: 1:23 PM, July 23rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Considering how many AP's feel they are soul mates, I don't put any faith in the concept. It may sound sweet but it's a twisted justification for all kinds of unhealthy, unstable behavior.

WH and I can absolutely make our marriage deep, meaningful, and even magical. We don't need to believe that we're the only match for each other out of the 100 billion people who have ever lived.

I don't think that we were cosmically destined to be together, but I do feel lucky that we met. We're not "soul mates", but we are as compatible as two people can be and that's way better since it leads to a choice for life-long passion and friendship.

Married 14 years, three amazing kids
H had 17 month EA/PA
D-day 1/5/13

Posts: 787 | Registered: Jan 2013
♀ 38763
Member # 38763
Default  Posted: 1:25 PM, July 23rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I hear you but unfortunately, I was one of the people who believed in it too.
I've got a weird story about that I might share sometime. I often want to but it really is odd so I don't but let's just say it was my divine 'proof' that soulmates were real.
At this part of the story, I no longer know what I thnk of soulmates...only that it sure doesn't stand for what I thought it did.

Me: 44 BS
Him: 40 FWS
Ow: 47 head case, no obs
5 DD's: 23, 20, 19, 17, 12
Last D-day: August 2012 with lots of very blurry lines.

Posts: 360 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: Washington State
♀ 29912
Member # 29912
Default  Posted: 1:36 PM, July 23rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Soul mates is bullshit... no offense intended to those who believe.... BUT.... relationships are hard work... they are not something any of us just cruise into and spend forever in a cloud of bliss until we die.......

What irks me is people like my x in law- she is on her third 'soul mate'... essentially she is in it for the high of the first tow years and when the going gets tough she walks out for another "high"....

So I guess I don't believe in soul mates... but then I'm jaded now...

Posts: 1308 | Registered: Oct 2010 | From: still lost
♀ 35812
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 2:05 PM, July 23rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Frankly, any time I see or hear the phrase "soul mate," I want to throw up. I'm afraid that my mental image of it now is the equivalent of two dogs humping while others wait in the background for their turn.

Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012

Posts: 10066 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
♀ 30024
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 2:17 PM, July 23rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Certainly don't believe in that concept now, don't feel I ever really did.

What about our choice? If there is just one person that is supposedly made for us, where is the choice? It goes along with fate and destiny. Supposedly, we are supposed to have free will. However, if everything is planned out for us and we have an assigned soulmate, we don't have free will. We are all puppets on a string in a stupid puppet show for some greater powers amusement?

Don't believe in soulmates, destiny, fate, "everything happens for a reason" and other such sentiments.

I do believe in for every action there is a reaction. I believe in coincidence, but not too many coincidences.

[This message edited by SisterMilkshake at 2:17 PM, July 23rd (Tuesday)]

BW (me) & FWH both over half a century; married several decades; children
d-day 3/10; LTA (7 years?)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak." ~ Homer Simpson

Posts: 13375 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
♀ 10866
Member # 10866
Default  Posted: 2:20 PM, July 23rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have never believed in soul mates. I've always believed that people can click easily, get along well, be very meshable, but that ultimately relationships mean commitment and work.

exSAWH, however, seemed to believe every woman he dated was his soul mate after 4 hours. So many of his exGF's were his 'soul-mate' (including when he was OM to a MOW), XSOW #1 and #2 (he was engaged to #2 in a few weeks). I think at one point I was his soul-mate... So by his definition, they're a dime a dozen. makes it seem less special

[This message edited by hurtbs at 2:21 PM, July 23rd (Tuesday)]

DDays 2006, and then numerous more
Divorced 2012

"In life, unlike chess, the game continues after checkmate." - Asimov
"Be patient and tough; someday this pain will be useful to you." - Ovid

Posts: 15607 | Registered: Jun 2006
♀ 35624
Member # 35624
Default  Posted: 2:49 PM, July 23rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Not buying into the idea of soulmates either.

Even before this whole A, I didn't believe any of that.

I have to agree with the idea of love being a choice. In the early stages of a relationship of course there are stomach flutters and excitement and newness and all that. Eventually every relationship faces the real true challenge. Which is the day it becomes a conscious choice to be with that person.

I reached that phase over 10 years ago.

WH is still in la la land, where he wants to feel "in love" every single day. He expects it even from a long term marriage he said.

WH: 41
me: BS, 45
Together 18 1/2 years, married 17
DDAY 8/2/12
OW: EA- friend of 4 months
Status: separated

Posts: 1033 | Registered: May 2012 | From: California
Topic Posts: 8

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