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Soul mates???

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Conflicted1 posted 7/23/2013 13:02 PM

I keep reading in posts and hearing the term "soul mates" from my WH. I just don't believe in that anymore. I don't think I really have since early twenties. I think that any long term relationship be it friendship or marriage is a daily choice that becomes a commitment if you invest enough into it. I WANT to believe in the magical notion but I just don't have it in me. Maybe that means I am shallow, or I have built strong barriers or maybe just a pessimist. I used to think this was one of the beautiful things about our marriage I was the pragmatist which allowed him to be the dreamer. I envied his ability to believe in the idea...in fact he said he believed enough for both of us. Makes me feel a bit down today.

sailorgirl posted 7/23/2013 13:23 PM

Considering how many AP's feel they are soul mates, I don't put any faith in the concept. It may sound sweet but it's a twisted justification for all kinds of unhealthy, unstable behavior.

WH and I can absolutely make our marriage deep, meaningful, and even magical. We don't need to believe that we're the only match for each other out of the 100 billion people who have ever lived.

I don't think that we were cosmically destined to be together, but I do feel lucky that we met. We're not "soul mates", but we are as compatible as two people can be and that's way better since it leads to a choice for life-long passion and friendship.

BeautifulEmpty posted 7/23/2013 13:25 PM

I hear you but unfortunately, I was one of the people who believed in it too.
I've got a weird story about that I might share sometime. I often want to but it really is odd so I don't but let's just say it was my divine 'proof' that soulmates were real.
At this part of the story, I no longer know what I thnk of soulmates...only that it sure doesn't stand for what I thought it did.

wanttogoforward posted 7/23/2013 13:36 PM

Soul mates is bullshit... no offense intended to those who believe.... BUT.... relationships are hard work... they are not something any of us just cruise into and spend forever in a cloud of bliss until we die.......

What irks me is people like my x in law- she is on her third 'soul mate'... essentially she is in it for the high of the first tow years and when the going gets tough she walks out for another "high"....

So I guess I don't believe in soul mates... but then I'm jaded now...

Skan posted 7/23/2013 14:05 PM

Frankly, any time I see or hear the phrase "soul mate," I want to throw up. I'm afraid that my mental image of it now is the equivalent of two dogs humping while others wait in the background for their turn.

SisterMilkshake posted 7/23/2013 14:17 PM

Certainly don't believe in that concept now, don't feel I ever really did.

What about our choice? If there is just one person that is supposedly made for us, where is the choice? It goes along with fate and destiny. Supposedly, we are supposed to have free will. However, if everything is planned out for us and we have an assigned soulmate, we don't have free will. We are all puppets on a string in a stupid puppet show for some greater powers amusement?

Don't believe in soulmates, destiny, fate, "everything happens for a reason" and other such sentiments.

I do believe in for every action there is a reaction. I believe in coincidence, but not too many coincidences.

[This message edited by SisterMilkshake at 2:17 PM, July 23rd (Tuesday)]

hurtbs posted 7/23/2013 14:20 PM

I have never believed in soul mates. I've always believed that people can click easily, get along well, be very meshable, but that ultimately relationships mean commitment and work.

exSAWH, however, seemed to believe every woman he dated was his soul mate after 4 hours. So many of his exGF's were his 'soul-mate' (including when he was OM to a MOW), XSOW #1 and #2 (he was engaged to #2 in a few weeks). I think at one point I was his soul-mate... So by his definition, they're a dime a dozen. makes it seem less special

[This message edited by hurtbs at 2:21 PM, July 23rd (Tuesday)]

Spelljean posted 7/23/2013 14:49 PM

Not buying into the idea of soulmates either.

Even before this whole A, I didn't believe any of that.

I have to agree with the idea of love being a choice. In the early stages of a relationship of course there are stomach flutters and excitement and newness and all that. Eventually every relationship faces the real true challenge. Which is the day it becomes a conscious choice to be with that person.

I reached that phase over 10 years ago.

WH is still in la la land, where he wants to feel "in love" every single day. He expects it even from a long term marriage he said.

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