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I got the job and I'm scared

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letitout posted 7/23/2013 13:13 PM

I've been a SAHM for 10 years. I'm a deititan and my background is research. I have been trying to find a job with no success because I do not have clinical skills.

I finally found a job 3 hours from here working in a prison for the mentally ill inmates. They are willing to train. If I take this job I would be set for life. I would be trained as a clinical RD and could get a job anywhere.

The problem is that I could either move there and come back on weekends. A totally scary thing for me because I have never in my life been alone and it would not be good for the M or the family without their mother. Background, my daughter has an eating disorder and is not doing well.

The other option would be to move the family in between where my H works and we would both commute. This would disrupt my children s schooling. Background, my son suffers form depression and is now doing very well and I would hate to disrupt that.

I truly don't know what to do. I would be a fool not to take the job. I need independence.

On top of all of that I am afraid of driving. Get severe panic attacks. And to think of driving all that way back and forth and trying to find my way around terrifies me.

What would you do?

seekingright2013 posted 7/23/2013 13:28 PM

First of all, Congratulations!! It has got to feel good getting the offer.

Wow, that's a tough one.

Could your husband be a single parent for awhile?

Just brainstorming here ... assuming M-F traditional work schedule.
What if you left early Monday morning and came back on Friday after work?

This would presume your husband would be OK with carrying the M-Th load for awhile.

If you could do this for a month or two, to see if you like the job ... if you like it and are doing well with it, you could always look at moving the kids in with you.

If your husband is not supportive, you could just take the kids with you, find an apartment, and deal with the change all at once. If things are strained with your husband, would being in a new environment be surprisingly good for you *and* your kids ???

Or ... would your new workplace be OK with you working 4 10-hour days, at least temporarily, until you can figure out the family living situation?

I think it's great you got the offer. Maybe you can also talk to your kids about needing their support to do this ??

[This message edited by seekingright2013 at 1:29 PM, July 23rd (Tuesday)]

letitout posted 7/23/2013 16:20 PM

seekingright, thanks for your response. It does feel good to get the offer. My typical work week would be M-F stating at 6:00am. To commute 3 hours on M to go back to work I would need to get up at 2:00am, so I probably would go back on Sunday.

I haven't asked about the 10 hr work days but have thought about it. I would like that, but being in training for a long time I would have to go with their schedule.

My H would be ok with the kids, but he also has a long commute and as is he is not around much on weekdays. The kids would be on their own.

There is this other thing also. I don't want to move the family because when my daughter was in the hospital for her eating disorder she met and became obsessed with this other girl who has severe mental issues, cuts herself, tattoos, nose pierce and lots of ear piercings, blue hair, well you get my point. She is not one who I want my daughter to hang with and we would be living in the same town. My daughter has now mimiced her in cutting, and wants piercings, etc.. Scares me. I want my daughter to heal, not go backwards.

It would feel good to be on my own for a while just to know I could do it. But on the other hand my H and I are really trying to work on our M and me moving would be a set back.

I don't know! I'm so confused!

On a funny note, when I went on my interview I wore blue and orange. They almost did not let me in because that is the colors the inmates wear!

hurtbs posted 7/23/2013 17:01 PM

First, congratulations on getting the job!!

Secondly, while you have some impediments, very gently, can you be blowing them up in your head to limit your choices and independence?

Disrupting your children's lives can be problematic, but it's doable. And ultimately, showing them that their mother is a capable and independent woman can be healthy. I can also tell you that getting financially independent of my (then)WH (I've since divorced) had a huge impact on my self esteem. Additionally, it showed some of the dynamics in my relationship - how much he controlled me with money and his job. I'm not saying that is the case with you, rather, that it will put you on more level footing.

Decide what's right for you right now.

seekingright2013 posted 7/23/2013 20:02 PM

I like what hurtbs said about the self-esteem angle. I think it will be terrific for you to have a job, in your profession, making your own money etc. I read your profile (sorry, I should have done it before) and I'm sorry your husband has been such a jerk to you. I hope things are better now.

ANYWAY, I hear you on the concern about the tattoos, piercings etc. and wanting to keep your daughter away from this girl.

I have two daughters, 19 and 16. My 19 year old came home from college in May with blue hair! But nothing else, thank goodness. (It took awhile, but we got the blue out. Everywhere she wanted to apply for jobs said "natural colored hair.")

I already told both my daughters: you can do whatever the heck you want when you have your college degree and a job and are on your own, totally self-supporting. Then, go for it.

Until then, NO tattoos, no piercings (except the normal ear ones they got in 5th grade, lol).

I don't know what it is with kids these days. I am a school librarian in a high school and I can't believe the stuff I see. Huge ear gauges (ugh), big tattoos, facial piercings ... kids, that all will look like SHIT when you're my age! That's what I want to say. But I don't.

Sorry for the slight threadjack !! I can't miss an opportunity to cap on tattoos etc. (Sorry to all those with tattoos etc.)

Letitout, do you have an idea of where you can stay? In my area, we have some hotels that advertise residential rates ... I've seen some as low as $124 a week. Or maybe rent a room from someone?? I've seen some of those on Craigslist. Maybe rent a room from some nice, quiet widow looking for extra $. Something tells me you would be a perfect roommate (gone every weekend! )

Y'know, this job sounds like a great opportunity! You can always quit if you hate it. Just sayin'.

((Let it out)) Congrats again and hope all the issues work out with the kids.

((((((kids & LIO)))))

letitout posted 7/24/2013 08:34 AM

while you have some impediments, very gently, can you be blowing them up in your head to limit your choices and independence?

Yes, that is right on, but I do suffer from severe anxiety (but don't we all to some degree) and any little change puts me over the edge and this would be a great change.

Self esteem is so important to me right now though in light of all that has happened to me this past 6 mo and I do have to get myself financially independent, and your right, it would show my kids that I am a strong woman.

One other thing bothers me if I move just myself. The area is riddled with gangs big time. It's the 2nd largest gang area in CA. I would be afraid. But in all cities wouldn't there be some safe areas? What if I get lost and end up in a bad part of town.

One of my biggest fears about driving is getting lost. I am working on that in IC because that is the one thing that is hindering my independence. Can you imagine not being able to go anywhere because of fear. It is awful.

Just to say seekingright, glad you got your daughters blue hair back to normal!

I also tell my kids they can do whatever when they move out but there are rules when in my house. This topic is for a whole new thread, because I have a lot to say about it.

As of this morning, I have applied for 3 more jobs in my area, putting on hold for a few days about the new job, and leaning towards moving myself instead of the family out there if I take the job.

Thanks for the input.It helps to sort out my feeling on here.

hurtbs posted 7/24/2013 08:38 AM

The area is riddled with gangs big time. It's the 2nd largest gang area in CA. I would be afraid. But in all cities wouldn't there be some safe areas? What if I get lost and end up in a bad part of town.

It's a misconception that that the suburbs are safer than cities. Actually, right now, cities are significantly safer than suburbs. I've lived in cities as a single woman for much of my life. I travel a lot. Trust me, you'll be fine!

One of my biggest fears about driving is getting lost.

First of all, I always get lost... always. Get a GPS. It will help you find your way and alleviate your anxiety.

I think you need to push yourself.

JanetS posted 7/25/2013 00:21 AM

Although some of your concens are factual (kids issues), others are blown up in your mind.

GPS takes care of getting lost.

Talk to a realtor about safe neighborhoods.

Since school is out for the summer, if you need to make a school change, this would be a good time for that...and get counselling for them. If you try the job for a few months first, then you will have to remove then from school mid-year.

If you did that, then maybe your husband could visit you guys on the weekend...and the long-term goal could be to see if he could become employed nearer to you and the kids????

Congrats on the job offer. Now, maybe one of the more local jobs will open up...and hopefully with all of the pluses as the out of town job,and that would make this all a lot easier.

Good luck.

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