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Newest Member: marierose913 (46009)

User Topic: Does your WS do anything special for your anti-versary?
tellmewhy
♀ 29302
Member # 29302
Default  Posted: 2:11 PM, July 23rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just wondering.
I don't know what I'd like for him to do, if anything. Maybe just an acknowledgement would be enough.
He just told me today that he was playing golf this Friday - the 3rd d-day anti-versary.
Has your WS done something that made the day less painful?


Me (BS) - 60+
Him (WH) - 60+
Married 43 years
D-Day: July 26,2010
"Kids" - 35 & 32

Posts: 179 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Northern VA
AFrayedKnot
♂ 36622
Member # 36622
Default  Posted: 2:27 PM, July 23rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Last year on our first Antiversary we spent the day together. Not doing anything super special, just the two of us focused on each other.
Our Dday is Black Friday so we will try to incorporate spending the day alone together into our Thanksgiving Traditions.


BS 40
fWS 37 (SurprisinglyOkay)
DD DS
A whole bunch of shit that got a lot worse before it got better.
"Knowing is half the battle"

Posts: 2691 | Registered: Aug 2012
HardenMyHeart
♂ 15902
Member # 15902
Default  Posted: 10:42 PM, July 23rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

For our first D-day anti-versary we went out to have coffee and discuss the progress we made during the previous year. We are now 6 years out and since then there has been nothing special about D-day. My FWW does not even know when D-day is, which is fine by me.

He just told me today that he was playing golf this Friday - the 3rd d-day anti-versary.

Give him a big kiss and tell him to have fun playing golf. Go do something fun for yourself as well. Don't make the anti-versary a big deal any more. Look for the beauty and joy on that day, rather than linger on the pain of the past.

Congrats to you and your H on reaching this huge milestone.

[This message edited by HardenMyHeart at 10:44 PM, July 23rd (Tuesday)]


Me: BH, Her: FWW - Long Term EA/PA
d-day: June 25, 2007
Married 30 years, Reconciled

Inner peace begins the moment you choose not to allow another person or event to control your emotions.


Posts: 5755 | Registered: Aug 2007
tellmewhy
♀ 29302
Member # 29302
Default  Posted: 7:54 AM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

HardenMyHeart,
Thanks, that's the kind of thing I needed to hear from a "long-termer".
I know that I,personally, am in a much better place than ever before and WH and I are too.
I told him last night that I want him to play golf as planned, but I would have liked it if he had asked if there was something that I felt that I needed from him on that day. We talked about it and agreed that going to an action movie with lots of explosions would be a great thing to do that evening!


Me (BS) - 60+
Him (WH) - 60+
Married 43 years
D-Day: July 26,2010
"Kids" - 35 & 32

Posts: 179 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Northern VA
karmahappens
♀ 35846
Member # 35846
Default  Posted: 8:05 AM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We are almost 6 years out...

I have to check the calendar for my dday...it's August 18.

I doubt my H remembers either...but after all this time so many things have gotten fuzzy. I guess it's a good thing, the not remembering.

I agree with harden...I have made the day a non-day, just doesn't matter anymore.


“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd

Posts: 3872 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Massachusetts
TrustGone
♀ 36654
Member # 36654
Default  Posted: 8:48 AM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't think my WH#2 even knows what day our antiversary is. He does not want to discuss the A and avoids it as much as possible. It is the next holiday coming up, Labor Day. I actually think about it more because of the holiday than I do the actual date myself. Undoubtably the OW knows because she broke NC last year around that day by sending text. He did not text her back, but I am not sure if he called her from his work phone or not. He says he didn't respond, but of course he lies, sooo... I am sure he will not say anything this year either because he doesn't see it as a big deal, just another day in his life.


BW-50
WH#2-51
M-9 yrs T-11 yrs
4 children-none together
DD#1-9/5/11 LTA 2yrs
DD#2-7/3/12 False R
DD#3-4/29/13 (OW broke NC)
Status: Divorcing as soon as I can as he is still cheating with OW

Posts: 2472 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Texas
Dallas2
♀ 28362
Member # 28362
Default  Posted: 8:53 AM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Are you kidding?? He doesn't even know what day it is. Each year I suffer from PTSD. I can't function and it takes awhile to come out of it. If he asks whats wrong. He always has his own answers. when I told him what his was(even I don't realize it at first) he says "Oh I didn't know." I want to kill him. Would it be nice for him to do something? You bet.


Me

Posts: 828 | Registered: Apr 2010
VD2012
♂ 36317
Member # 36317
Default  Posted: 2:43 PM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Nothing.

Just as I wanted her to. I actually just had to ask her about it since it was such an inconsequential day.

Which is exactly as it should be. I don't want it to bare significance in my life. As a day I hold it in no special esteem nor will I.

My wife did acknowledge it and told me she was sorry for what she had done and how life had changed as a result and what we'd gone through. But no, nothing special.

I don't even want it acknowledged next year. It's not important in my life.


Me: 28 ~ Her (FR2012): 27
Together: 9 years, 2 children
D-Day: April 19, 2012

Surrender to the truth of life.


Posts: 466 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Traversing Dark Places With The Light of Truth
Topic Posts: 8

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