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Confused1829 posted 7/23/2013 14:50 PM

I heard some really crazy news recently.

I still have professional relationships with many of my former bosses and colleagues, because, hey don't burn bridges right?

Well, one in particular that I communicate with frequently - his ex-wife just committed suicide.

This woman also helped raise his 14 year old daughter, they are both very deeply hurt.

Here's what really makes my stomach churn. It is very, very clear, that he was cheating on her during their marriage, and ended up leaving her, almost 2 years ago, for a woman half his age that he worked with (VERY similar to what my fXH did and for many of you as well I'm sure).

Soon after he 'left her' or it was official, the twat was posting pics of them together, super happy and lovely dovey on facebook, with the daughter that she helped raise, in the house that was once hers.

Now, I know that we never know the circumstances of ones grief that leads to suicide and it's never smart to place blame, but I know what her pain was. I can only imagine how dark her days felt and it's my personal feeling, she just couldn't get out of that dark place.

I know my former boss is wrecked with guilt and in a way, the enormity of his actions are now more real to him then ever before. I dont know whether to feel sorry for him, or just rage.

It's just so sad all the way around. I also see, that at times even though I feel bad, just how much better off I am now and how awful things could have turned out had I not worked very very hard to overcome everything. It's a harsh reminder of the pain and what could've been. It could've literally destroyed me. There was a time when I thought it would kill me, and it breaks my heart to know that someone just couldn't get out of that awful place and to think there was no way out.

For anyone that still struggles, please know that there is hope. Read the stories of those that have pulled through and are now on the other side. Just because it's dark now, doesn't mean the tunnel doesn't end. There is always help, there is always hope, and it does get better.

And also, lots of love for all of you for pulling through the pain. Sometimes we don't know how brave we are. Let this be a reminder.

Jennifer99 posted 7/23/2013 15:32 PM

I think your post should be stickied at the top of each forum.

I know how bad I hurt and how hard I had to hang onto SOMEthing some days - usually my DS, sometimes someone - anyone - who was totally down and trying to lift them up.

I hope no one ever just gives up.

dindy posted 7/23/2013 16:02 PM

Thank you for the reminder Confused1829.

What a tragedy. I really feel for her daughter.

I seem to go through a low period every 3-4 weeks now and sometimes I wonder what I would do if I didn't have my 2 children and amazing family and friends.

I just keep telling myself that I am lucky to be free from sharing myself with someone who can think so low of me and my children.

Here's to happier days for all of us.

ExposedNiblet posted 7/24/2013 11:27 AM

That is such a tragedy...that poor daughter!

There, but for the grace of God...

I can relate. During my darkest hours, when I was living with the awful truth alone - I considered it. I know I could never go through with it, but Lord help me, I remember so many nights when I went to bed praying that I just wouldn't wake up. Living had become just too damned painful, too hard...too pointless.

I was a mess.

I can understand the pain - we all can - but it's the hopelessness that does the most damage. When you feel like yeah, there's a tomorrow, but I don't really care if I'm in it.

My heart breaks for all those who go through this crap and don't make it through to the other side. So many dreams crushed, so much potential never realized, so much life...just lost forever.

Please, folks, please remember...there is always hope for a better tomorrow. No matter how bad the pain, it does - and will - end.

9.10.11 posted 7/24/2013 13:59 PM

This is a fantastic post, Confused1829!!! It should be a must read!
For those that are hurting, there is always someone there that WANTS to help you through this. God, kids, friends, relatives, even the ex-inlaws. This is the time to ask for help before it goes too far.

There is life after "death"(of a marriage to a cheater). You actually will realize what you put up with and find out that there is someone out there that cares so much for you.

Thank you, Confused1829! Great reminder to thank those who also helped us through hell and back.

Ariel posted 7/24/2013 22:29 PM

There is no greater pain than being betrayed by someone that you have loved.

I am only in my second month of being separated from my SAWH but feel that I can offer some hope and encouragement.

At first, I felt as everyone has mentioned - utter agony - like someone was continually stabbing me in the chest. I was so afraid that I was never going to feel any better - that this pain would never lighten up, let alone go away.

But I can tell you that even in this short amount of time, it HAS lightened up. I am not nearly in the agony I was just two months ago.

So, for anyone who might be reading this who feels defeated and/or hopeless, I just want to tell you that it will get better - and sooner than you can imagine to be.

Two months ago I could barely breathe, let alone function on a daily basis. But today, I am healthier than I've ever been (thanks to yoga and dancing lessons), and most days I feel extreme peace in knowing that I no longer have to live in the poison that was destroying me from the inside out.

So, hang in there everyone. Do not lose hope. Everybody's life is important and has a special purpose. We do not define ourselves through other people and relationships - we define ourselves on our own. This is now our chance to become strong, independent, and healthy. Be proud of how far you have come - and know that it won't be long before your X is just a horrible memory that can no longer torment you.

Hugs to everyone who is hurting. You are not alone!

tabitha95 posted 7/24/2013 23:10 PM

My grandmother killed herself by drinking bleach when my dad was 5 and his brother 3 because her husband (my grandfather) left her for another woman.

He married the OW and moved to CA away from all the family. The OW was abusive to my dad and uncle and my dad joined the army at 17.

It was a different time, the early 1940's, but things in the world aren't much better 70 years later.

I have pictures of my grandmother, two which I keep on my bookshelf. I never knew her of course, but I always looked at her pictures. I didn't realize that I was going to be going through what she did. Two sons, a cheating husband. History repeating itself.

[This message edited by tabitha95 at 11:11 PM, July 24th (Wednesday)]

Confused1829 posted 7/25/2013 09:03 AM

tabitha - I am so sorry! I just want to hug your grandmother.

I want to hug everyone that's gone through this and even more so those that feel like they are utterly alone in the world. You are not alone! It does get better, there is hope!

You are right, the world has changed but people and their habits, at times do not.

Yet, I must say Tabitha, although circumstances are similar, you are not your grandmother. She would want you to pull through and I'm sure she is watching over you to give you strength. Lots of hugs!

tabitha95 posted 7/26/2013 01:10 AM

I think of the horrible childhood my dad had because she wasn't strong enough.

When I am struggling I think of by boys. I think of the childhood that will not be taken from them because their dad couldn't be faithful.