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jk5366 posted 7/23/2013 16:20 PM

I am having a bad day. Bad couple days actually. I'm so emotional. I started to cry in the bathroom. of all places, the bathroom at work. whatever. i'm trying to hold it all in, be strong, still be a wife until i get everything sorted so i'm ready to lay the law down. i just want to be ready to have it all on my own. i can do it, i know i can. my parents didn't raise a weakling. but in this, i'm pretty weak. i hate it so much. i hate the whole situation. this morning, i came to the realization that i brought it on myself. we had our daughter 6 yrs ago. i had stitches down there, her head was bigger than the exit. so i had a longer healing time than most. i lost the drive for sex. then when i'd try and initiate, he was too tired. if he tried, i was too tired. several years of that. oh, and i've got pms (sorry for the tmi). so that's not helping one bit. i want to scream!!! i want to cry!!! i want a flippin hug!!! i can't tell anything to my mom (she just found out she has to have a mammyogram again, due to the one a couple weeks ago had a problem. oh f'n great! i don't need to stress her out anymore than she already is.
i'll get our daughter home tonight, late, get her ready for bed, put on a smile, and just go with it. for now. i have been weighing things. making lists. "why stay together." "why separate."
ugh...
thanks for listening. i've been doing a lot of reading on here these last few days. there are a few books i'm going to read too.
one question - what's the 180???

devistatedmom posted 7/23/2013 17:59 PM

Look in the healing library at the left side in the yellow box for the 180. It's basically you treat them like a business partner...you talk when you need to, give answers, but no "extras".

I'm sorry you are having such a bad day. It's tough when you are sitting in limbo, waiting to see what happens next, and how it's going to go.

You did not bring this upon yourself. A marriage is two people, not one. He had a duty as a husband to talk to you, to suggest you both get help to fix your love life rather than run off with the first slunt that came his way.

{{{hugs}}} wish it was a real one for you.

Ashland13 posted 7/23/2013 18:18 PM

I'm sorry, JK.

I wanted to say that I saw some of this happen with my parents who are now long divorced, though no cheating was ever found on either side (that I was told of).

Anyway, my mom had problems and had a hysterectomy for medical reasons, and after that, she and my father "lost their way" physically. I think their tensions already pushed them apart, for with two controlling people I think it happens?

But after she had the surgery, things went from bad to worse. Because of the "nature" of the surgery for her, my father was simply too embarrassed and other things, to talk to her in a real way about it. As time and distance went on, her feelings towards him grew and his nervousness fluxuated and finally her anger won.

So after this long story, I wanted to say that I'm sorry but in this aspect you are not alone.

Feeling Consumed posted 7/23/2013 23:23 PM

Nothing you could have done would ever justify being cheated on. Nothing.

jk5366 posted 7/24/2013 08:50 AM

i am feeling better today. emotionally at least. i guess in the whole wirl-wind of making the final decisions here, i'm going to have good and bad days. today seems better. when H got out of the shower, i happened to be in the bedroom at that time, closing the window (no one would be home all day) and he was in a good mood and joking with me. that was nice. fun. when this ends I don't want it to end horribly. we discussed that a year ago, that we don't want any bitterness especially where our little monkey bear is involved.
yes, we discussed this a year ago, separating. he told me a year ago about his feeling toward this slut. who by the way is half my age. i'm 42. she's 21. again, i'm embarrassed. H has joked for a long time, way before any of this, that someday he'll trade me in for a younger model, half my age. and here we are...
wow.
thank you for your support in helping me through this. i really need it. i pray almost every time i go into the bathroom (since i'm alone then) "please God, give me strength."

Rae123 posted 7/24/2013 17:48 PM

First and foremost you must make a decision whether you are going to stay with him.