DD (age 4 1/2) doesn't get it. DS #2 (age 6 1/2) seemed to understand, but he takes in big news calmly, thinks about it for a while, and then starts talking more about it later on. He isn't upset for now. DS #1 (age 9) was very sad, so he and I talked about it at length. I feel sad that they are now burdened with the knowledge of what their father did, but I felt like I would either have to lie to them or keep speaking in nebulous statements ("grown-up problems"), which really seemed to bother them. I think that it makes sense to them now, and they don't have to worry that it was somehow their fault (even though I've said repeatedly that they had nothing to do with it).
I'm sure I'll be posting another condescending email from XWH if the kids mention it to him, and I'm sure that he's going to be furious. I refuse to keep his secret any longer. He should have told them in an age-appropriate way when we first broke the news of the D to the kids, but he felt that damage control to his image was far more important than being honest and forthright with our children.
It is my hope that when the kids talk to him about this, he'll admit to what he did and tell the kids how sorry he is, but I'm sure that he'll instead become enraged with the kids and tell them that it was not my place to say anything (or maybe he'll even lie to them about what really happened).
Thanks for painting me into this corner, XWH. It's been really fun trying to paint you as the "good daddy" and then manage your ugly secret as best as I could for the past 21 months.
[This message edited by tryingagain74 at 6:03 PM, July 23rd (Tuesday)]
maybe he'll even lie to them about what really happened.
I'm willing to place a wager that this will be the outcome!
I say that because that is what my POS did to my DS, even though DS is an adult. DS's response? Does dad think I am a child and can't figure out that he is lying?
Kids figure out things much faster than we often give them credit for. Doesn't make the reality any easier for them to process though.
Like you, I had enough of covering for his lies and wasn't going to do it anymore. Your kids are still very young, and the youngest probably really don't understand the ramification of "dating," but they will in time and their little "a-ha" moments will come with that knowledge.
Telling my kids was one of the most difficult conversations I have ever had, but it was also a big relief when it was over.
This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man ~ Shakespeare, Hamlet
I guess it's better that my kids know now rather than later... but it just sucks to be in this position no matter what.
That is an incredibly hard conversation. He probably will be angry and lie. I bet that comes a lot more naturally for him than the truth.
So, we should be expecting the condescending email in about what, a week or so?
I doubt my middle dd will confront her dad, she still thinks he hung the moon. Although, she's finding more and more reasons to stay home on custody weekends.
I know it's a hard thing to discuss, but at least your kids know that you won't lie to them and they can rely on you.
Thank heavens I have the kids in counseling!