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Newest Member: trishl (61116)

User Topic: Did WS confess initially or did you discover A?
♀ 9973
Member # 9973
Default  Posted: 9:18 PM, July 23rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Found out on my own.

The maddening thoughts wondering what life would be had I not found out make me crazy.

As of 10/30/16 I'm in WTF mode.
Ten+ years out. Stunned.
After several years of solid R, (F)MOW
CHECKS IN in to say Hi~ H CHECKS OUT briefly and "forgets to tell me" because IT HADN'T gotten
physical this time. 4 months out agai

Posts: 2875 | Registered: Mar 2006 | From: The Valley
♂ 33642
Member # 33642
Default  Posted: 9:25 PM, July 23rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My wife got really brazen about what she was doing. I think it got to a point where she didn't care if she got caught or not. I confronted her after a few months. In a way, it was probably a relief that she did get caught, but it took three years to get what I think is the whole story.

"It's a fool that looks for logic in the chambers of the human heart."

Posts: 769 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Texas
♀ 39588
Member # 39588
Default  Posted: 9:26 PM, July 23rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

EA - caught
ONS - confessed

Me (BS): 36
Him aka narcissistic psychopath (WS): 36
Married 17 years 6 kids ages 16-7
DDay #1 (EA) July '08
DDay #2 (EA/ONS- different OW) May 15, 2013

Finally this is R 8/14/13

Filed for divorce 5/8/15

Posts: 326 | Registered: Jun 2013
♂ 36857
Member # 36857
Default  Posted: 9:39 PM, July 23rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Caught her. I only had her phone for a few minutes. I searched for the word "love" on her email. Bam. Up popped three email messages. I read them and knew my life had changed forever.

Me: BH 58.........Her: WW 45
DD: 8..........DS: 6 (5 and 2 on DDay)
Married for six years.
DDay: 12-25-11 Divorced: 7-15-12

Posts: 1288 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: U.S.A.
♀ 34353
Member # 34353
Default  Posted: 9:42 PM, July 23rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I knew but couldn't get him to tell me until several years later. Its been a long, emotional road

Me: BS
Him: WS
Married since 1985
Parents to 2 adult sons and 3 of the cutest cats you have ever seen
D-day 8/6/11 Truth about ONS and 9/21/11 Truth about EA and 10/28/15 NEW dday.
Just surviving.

Posts: 1849 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: midwest now.
♀ 36519
Member # 36519
Default  Posted: 9:43 PM, July 23rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My WH had some kind of bizarre psychotic break and confessed. He's still working through exactly what happened there with his IC. He was literally close to insane for a few days. I quote things he said and he (claims to) have zero recollection of them.


BS (me): 51
WS: 52
Married: 27 yrs
Kids: 2
OW: Co-worker, 7 yr LTA
DD 8/1/2012, Working on R

Posts: 1064 | Registered: Aug 2012
♀ 38207
Member # 38207
Default  Posted: 9:51 PM, July 23rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I got an e-mail from his last OW. I then found the two online and he confessed to the two who live in town. None of that would have ever happened had the last OW not sent me a fb message.

Posts: 1595 | Registered: Jan 2013
♀ 39668
Member # 39668
Default  Posted: 9:54 PM, July 23rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Walked himself into it. Was acting weird and aggressive. Our collective financial circumstances improved and he started talking postnup and was asking me to sign away my spousal privileges because I was the one with a "safety net." Didn't make any sense. Fight ensued. Yadda yadda. He started sobbing, unable to speak.

... after about 3 mins of just sitting there in silence watching him cry, he finally said "I'm sorry I didn't know myself better."

It clicked. I said "oh my god." He just nodded.

That was it. All hell broke loose after that.

Within three weeks we were NC and we haven't spoken since.

[This message edited by PhantomLimb at 9:55 PM, July 23rd (Tuesday)]

BS / D

Posts: 886 | Registered: Jun 2013
♀ 32554
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 10:19 PM, July 23rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I discovered what he was up to. When presented with solid evidence (copies of the love letter he wrote) he denied it meant anything. As time went on & I found out more he continued to deny, deny, deny. He never once admitted anything, not to me, not to IC, not to MC, not to pastors, not to parenting eval, and I assume not to his lawyer. To this day he's not admitted a thing.

Me = BS
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - DIVORCED!

Posts: 10722 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
Faithful w/Love
♀ 33128
Member # 33128
Default  Posted: 10:24 PM, July 23rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I found out. I always have known what something was up and then I a dream about it. I looked up ph recorders and saw all the texts. And he started talking about his co worker all the time and I told him to stay away from her because I had this feeling that was not good. While he started going out all the time till all ours in the morning, then I found the motel receipt. And I confronted him and he keep his A going in my face til I moved out or sorry til his mom passed away and I moved out 3.5 years later.

BS(ME)41 WH(HIM)38
DD 21 and DS 16
Separated Aug 2012
Moved back home Oct 31 2013
Separated again June 2014. Heading toward divorce.
False R. Still Lying.

"You never know how strong you are until being strong is all you have left"

Posts: 2944 | Registered: Aug 2011
♀ 35971
Member # 35971
Default  Posted: 10:50 PM, July 23rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I discovered. WH passed out drunk on the sofa while skype sexting with his OW.

Unfortunately for him he left his chat log up and his lap top open on his chest before losing consciousness.

Confronted him the next day and the lies and minimizations commenced. He has only ever admitted to what I have confronted him with.

Me - BS
WH - old
4 Kids
Dday May 2012

Posts: 1569 | Registered: Jun 2012
♀ 34262
Member # 34262
Default  Posted: 11:21 PM, July 23rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I discovered their EA when a text came through from OW: some drivel about "laying on the couch dreaming of making love to you." I immediately confronted and was given the old "ILYBINILWY crap, I love two people, it just happened, I've found my soulmate." How trite and right from the cheaters' handbook.

When I found out later they had broken NC and I was literally getting out my suitcase and demanding the full truth fWS blurted out the ONS. Thanks fWS. I was also on obstetrics call that night so I couldn't even drink or take a sleeping pill. Nice.

One thing I definitely did differently from my father (BS) was I was not going to play the patsy and try to nice my WS. I saw first hand what a disaster that was. Nope. Every time fWS was just a little too bitchy I was ready to leave and tell her family why. I had a full go bag packed for three months¡

Me: BS 48
Her: FWS 51 (both family med MDs; together 21 years)
OW: who cares (PhD)
Dday: 10/11: 11/11 TT for months; NC 8/12
"band aids don't fix bullet holes" Taylor Swift
I NEVER mind medical ???

Posts: 3003 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: Here
♀ 38763
Member # 38763
Default  Posted: 11:43 PM, July 23rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I had kicked both my WH and his AP out of my house, giving her 20 days and him time to find somewhere else to go. At that time, I didn't know they were having an actual physical affair although I knew he wanted to but she was my super close best friend who had no interest in him >.<
I went up to my mom's to stay...during this time, she thought he had chosen her...she didnt understand that he had only chosen himself...he refused to take his wedding ring off...she got mad and sent me an email exposing their affair.
Ta da! Life changed forever. I've lived through him having sex with other women and him doing awful things in our marriage before but this was the first time he had ever lied and it was after 3 years of totally false R.
Hate this shit.

Me: 44 BS
Him: 40 FWS
Ow: 47 head case, no obs
5 DD's: 23, 20, 19, 17, 12
Last D-day: August 2012 with lots of very blurry lines.

Posts: 360 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: Washington State
♂ 39685
Member # 39685
Default  Posted: 11:48 PM, July 23rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I picked up on a cryptic hint from my ex wife's best friend. My ex wife's affair partner was her husband.

From there, I looked at our AT&T bill. Hundreds of text messages to/from AP. A number of short phone calls to.
It pays to look at the phone bill from time to time.

She set up a gmail account and stupidly used the same password as our shared email. Equally stupid, she saved all of the emails! No problem tracing the beginnings back to Black Friday this past November.

I used the Find My iPhone app to figure out how they were meeting. Was able to catch them red handed when it showed her at his house. No way she could explain what I broke up.

Kicked my ex out of the house immediately and filed for divorce once the extent of her treachery was known. I refuse to reconcile with a cheater.

Divorce final a month ago. She's been trying to get me to hear her out on trying to reconcile since D-Day. No way, not now, not ever.

If I didn't catch her, I'd still be clueless. Her own stupidity was her undoing.

[This message edited by BryanP37 at 11:51 PM, July 23rd (Tuesday)]

BS: Me-42
XWS: Her-37
Married 7 yrs, together 9 years-No kids
Ex had 4 month PA with her BFF's husband. Other flings confessed during discovery. On a road to a successful R after divorce but lymphoma took her before we were able to remarry.

Posts: 54 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Texas
♀ 35215
Member # 35215
Default  Posted: 12:22 AM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I discovered it. I couldn't sleep one night, just knew I had to look at his phone and when I did. Bam discovered it was with his employee

Next thing he knew was a cell phone upside his head with me yelling "get the fuck out of this house you are busted!"

I also discovered that it was EA and PA not just EA like he was claiming

I also caught every single broken NC so I am aware I do not have very good odds with this man.

BS/FWS (me):43 Madhatter
WS/BS:46 Serial Cheater
Together 20 years, Married 15
DD(13) DS(10)
DDay(s) Too many to count
False R 7/11/14 Same OW2
"Never seek validation from those who are unworthy."

Posts: 4044 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: California
♀ 34319
Member # 34319
Default  Posted: 12:36 AM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I was talking with his sister on Christmas night when he got a graphic sext from marriedOW of the bad boundaries. I confronted immediately. He now believes he gotten more reckless and was trying to get caught on some level. She wanted him to be caught, I believe. Her BH had already caught her.

D-day: Christmas 2011
D-day 2: 3/28/2013

Married for over 15 years
2 beautiful sons

You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them. Maya Angelou

Posts: 1486 | Registered: Dec 2011
♂ 39406
Member # 39406
Default  Posted: 12:46 AM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

xWW: Caught, admitted to exactly what I found (and nothing more). Caught more, admitted to exactly what I found (and nothing more). Caught again, and eventually I stopped looking.

xWH: Confronted him with suspicions 4 years after we split up. He admitted some things, and "can't remember exactly what happened" with others. Either lying or too drug-addled to put the pieces together (probably a combination of both).

Both versions suck, if you were curious. The discovery with my xWH hurts a lot less than the time with my xWW because I'm not with the jackass any longer, so at least I don't have to figure out a way to trust him again.

Me: BH - Happily Remarried, but dealing with old stuff

“I'm losing my mind in a bedroom with a ghost
and I'm losing my mind in a bottle while I choke
I stayed years with you, no one knows (but I want them to).”
– Thought Industry

Posts: 44 | Registered: May 2013
♀ 33956
Member # 33956
Default  Posted: 12:51 AM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

i suspected because i found a few dirty emails...i put my head in the sand and let him gaslight me. when i found another dirty email, he confessed to cheating...after lying for months. thought we were reconcilng....even though he did none of the hard work...and found out i was in false r after finding a dirty text in his phone. he still denied it....said it was just sexting. discovered from him during separation...and from the ow...that it had been a pa for 1 1/2 years.

it was all bad.

BS (41):(Former Doormat)
WS (39):(Busted Cheater)
Married: 10 years, 3 kids under 5
DD1: 10/11 PA/EA with pilates instructor/former stripper.
DD2: 10/12 False r, cheating with other women, online dating,Substance abuse issues.
R:Last chance

Posts: 1065 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: Alabama
Member # 34827
Default  Posted: 1:42 AM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hell no he didn't confess, even with evidence in my hand, he still denied. He will never cop to the grave it will go and it drives me crazy knowing I will never ever know the complete story.
Been with him over half my life
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..nothing special. Just your average skank

Posts: 5738 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: midwest
♀ 39749
Member # 39749
Default  Posted: 5:22 AM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I suspected he had feelings for her and asked, but he denied. Didn't dream that she reciprocated, as she was a newlywed.

One month after telling me ILYBINILWY, he confessed to me that he was in love with her and wanted to be with her. Claimed then, and now, that it was an EA only.

He says he wants a divorce but has made no move toward it. Hasn't filed, hasn't asked me about separating our finances, and doesn't even appear to know much about the divorce process. I'd still be willing to reconcile at this point, or at least give it a whirl, for the kids.

41, BS, divorced four years

“Learn your way around loneliness. Make a map of it. Sit with it, for once in your life. Welcome to the human experience.”

Posts: 50 | Registered: Jul 2013
Topic Posts: 60
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