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Found out on my own.

The maddening thoughts wondering what life would be had I not found out make me crazy.

My wife got really brazen about what she was doing. I think it got to a point where she didn't care if she got caught or not. I confronted her after a few months. In a way, it was probably a relief that she did get caught, but it took three years to get what I think is the whole story.

EA - caught
ONS - confessed

Caught her. I only had her phone for a few minutes. I searched for the word "love" on her email. Bam. Up popped three email messages. I read them and knew my life had changed forever.

I knew but couldn't get him to tell me until several years later. Its been a long, emotional road

My WH had some kind of bizarre psychotic break and confessed. He's still working through exactly what happened there with his IC. He was literally close to insane for a few days. I quote things he said and he (claims to) have zero recollection of them.

*sigh*

I got an e-mail from his last OW. I then found the two online and he confessed to the two who live in town. None of that would have ever happened had the last OW not sent me a fb message.

Walked himself into it. Was acting weird and aggressive. Our collective financial circumstances improved and he started talking postnup and was asking me to sign away my spousal privileges because I was the one with a "safety net." Didn't make any sense. Fight ensued. Yadda yadda. He started sobbing, unable to speak.

... after about 3 mins of just sitting there in silence watching him cry, he finally said "I'm sorry I didn't know myself better."

It clicked. I said "oh my god." He just nodded.

That was it. All hell broke loose after that.

Within three weeks we were NC and we haven't spoken since.

[This message edited by PhantomLimb at 9:55 PM, July 23rd (Tuesday)]

I discovered what he was up to. When presented with solid evidence (copies of the love letter he wrote) he denied it meant anything. As time went on & I found out more he continued to deny, deny, deny. He never once admitted anything, not to me, not to IC, not to MC, not to pastors, not to parenting eval, and I assume not to his lawyer. To this day he's not admitted a thing.

I found out. I always have known what something was up and then I a dream about it. I looked up ph recorders and saw all the texts. And he started talking about his co worker all the time and I told him to stay away from her because I had this feeling that was not good. While he started going out all the time till all ours in the morning, then I found the motel receipt. And I confronted him and he keep his A going in my face til I moved out or sorry til his mom passed away and I moved out 3.5 years later.

I discovered. WH passed out drunk on the sofa while skype sexting with his OW.

Unfortunately for him he left his chat log up and his lap top open on his chest before losing consciousness.

Confronted him the next day and the lies and minimizations commenced. He has only ever admitted to what I have confronted him with.

I discovered their EA when a text came through from OW: some drivel about "laying on the couch dreaming of making love to you." I immediately confronted and was given the old "ILYBINILWY crap, I love two people, it just happened, I've found my soulmate." How trite and right from the cheaters' handbook.

When I found out later they had broken NC and I was literally getting out my suitcase and demanding the full truth fWS blurted out the ONS. Thanks fWS. I was also on obstetrics call that night so I couldn't even drink or take a sleeping pill. Nice.

One thing I definitely did differently from my father (BS) was I was not going to play the patsy and try to nice my WS. I saw first hand what a disaster that was. Nope. Every time fWS was just a little too bitchy I was ready to leave and tell her family why. I had a full go bag packed for three months¡

I had kicked both my WH and his AP out of my house, giving her 20 days and him time to find somewhere else to go. At that time, I didn't know they were having an actual physical affair although I knew he wanted to but she was my super close best friend who had no interest in him >.<
I went up to my mom's to stay...during this time, she thought he had chosen her...she didnt understand that he had only chosen himself...he refused to take his wedding ring off...she got mad and sent me an email exposing their affair.
Ta da! Life changed forever. I've lived through him having sex with other women and him doing awful things in our marriage before but this was the first time he had ever lied and it was after 3 years of totally false R.
Hate this shit.

I picked up on a cryptic hint from my ex wife's best friend. My ex wife's affair partner was her husband.

From there, I looked at our AT&T bill. Hundreds of text messages to/from AP. A number of short phone calls to.
It pays to look at the phone bill from time to time.

She set up a gmail account and stupidly used the same password as our shared email. Equally stupid, she saved all of the emails! No problem tracing the beginnings back to Black Friday this past November.

I used the Find My iPhone app to figure out how they were meeting. Was able to catch them red handed when it showed her at his house. No way she could explain what I broke up.

Kicked my ex out of the house immediately and filed for divorce once the extent of her treachery was known. I refuse to reconcile with a cheater.

Divorce final a month ago. She's been trying to get me to hear her out on trying to reconcile since D-Day. No way, not now, not ever.

If I didn't catch her, I'd still be clueless. Her own stupidity was her undoing.

[This message edited by BryanP37 at 11:51 PM, July 23rd (Tuesday)]

I discovered it. I couldn't sleep one night, just knew I had to look at his phone and when I did. Bam discovered it was with his employee

Next thing he knew was a cell phone upside his head with me yelling "get the fuck out of this house you are busted!"

I also discovered that it was EA and PA not just EA like he was claiming

I also caught every single broken NC so I am aware I do not have very good odds with this man.

I was talking with his sister on Christmas night when he got a graphic sext from marriedOW of the bad boundaries. I confronted immediately. He now believes he gotten more reckless and was trying to get caught on some level. She wanted him to be caught, I believe. Her BH had already caught her.

xWW: Caught, admitted to exactly what I found (and nothing more). Caught more, admitted to exactly what I found (and nothing more). Caught again, and eventually I stopped looking.

xWH: Confronted him with suspicions 4 years after we split up. He admitted some things, and "can't remember exactly what happened" with others. Either lying or too drug-addled to put the pieces together (probably a combination of both).

Both versions suck, if you were curious. The discovery with my xWH hurts a lot less than the time with my xWW because I'm not with the jackass any longer, so at least I don't have to figure out a way to trust him again.

i suspected because i found a few dirty emails...i put my head in the sand and let him gaslight me. when i found another dirty email, he confessed to cheating...after lying for months. thought we were reconcilng....even though he did none of the hard work...and found out i was in false r after finding a dirty text in his phone. he still denied it....said it was just sexting. discovered from him during separation...and from the ow...that it had been a pa for 1 1/2 years.

it was all bad.

Hell no he didn't confess, even with evidence in my hand, he still denied. He will never cop to it..to the grave it will go and it drives me crazy knowing I will never ever know the complete story.

I suspected he had feelings for her and asked, but he denied. Didn't dream that she reciprocated, as she was a newlywed.

One month after telling me ILYBINILWY, he confessed to me that he was in love with her and wanted to be with her. Claimed then, and now, that it was an EA only.

He says he wants a divorce but has made no move toward it. Hasn't filed, hasn't asked me about separating our finances, and doesn't even appear to know much about the divorce process. I'd still be willing to reconcile at this point, or at least give it a whirl, for the kids.