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I can't do this.

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OldCow18 posted 7/23/2013 21:19 PM

I can't forgive him. I can't. I just can't. I'm having such a bad night I want to crawl out of my skin. It's been 6+ weeks since d-day but all I keep feeling is that I am done and I can't forgive him ever. I know I'm supposed to wait to make any decisions but the only decision I keep coming to again and again and again is that this needs to end.

I am heartbroken for the life I thought I had and I am heartbroken x1000 for my young kids, who by the way know something is up and have asked why we are fighting so much and if we are getting divorced.

I can't take it anymore. Please please please help me find some relief from this pain.

Tripletrouble posted 7/23/2013 21:26 PM

((((oldcow)))). I'm so sorry for your pain. It's so overwhelming at times it's hard to keep going. I have no advice, just lots of hugs and compassion. I hope tomorrow is a better day.

Chloe1997 posted 7/23/2013 21:34 PM

I know this feel awful and just wanted to send love. My little one isn't old enough to verbalized but she sensed and acted out after all of the yelling and crying. It feels like crap and you are so not alone. I s there somewhere else for him to sleep in the house so you can have some space?

OldCow18 posted 7/23/2013 21:37 PM

Thank you both for responding, it is so helpful to know I'm not alone, although I feel awful that we have this misery in common, if that makes sense.

Chloe, he's been sleeping downstairs in the family room since d-day, but his ability to lead a perfectly normal life while doing so is just a knife in my back. I actually think he enjoys being in his "man-cave", what an asshat!

PrincessPeach06 posted 7/23/2013 21:40 PM

((((Hugs))))

It's still early, the roller coaster of emotions is insane. I'm slowly learning. I'm so sorry. :(

Chloe1997 posted 7/23/2013 21:41 PM

Idiot! My emotionally stunted WH actually wants to remain in the bed but has no intention of committing to NC! um no! tonight I put his ass in the guest room where it will stay until he is ready to cut that whore off

mchercheur posted 7/23/2013 21:43 PM

(((OldCow18)))
I know.
It will get better.
For me I had to decide if it was a dealbreaker for me, or if keeping the family together is more important. I am trying to hold this family together, but it is not easy.
Sending you hugs & strength. May it help you to know that there are others who are going tthru the same thing.

Take2 posted 7/23/2013 22:59 PM

My X used to do that: after an unresolved argument he'd just bop around like everything was fine and dandy, as if no argument existed. In effect he was dismissing my concerns, and if I raised the issue again - I was labeled miserable and negative. When he chose to do this after Dday... it was apparent that he equated his A with an argument over sharing household chores. It is infuriating! His expectation was that I should just let it go... No wonder you feel sick!

((OC18)) For some an A is simply a dealbreaker, and that is okay.

m334455 posted 7/24/2013 01:16 AM

You don't have to do it if you don't want to. Your children will adapt. living with him if you can't forgive him will eat YOU up inside. Ironically, if you divorce you may be more likely to forgive him (but not want to be in a romantic relationship with him anymore.)

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