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Just Found Out :
I can't do this.

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 OldCow18 (original poster member #39670) posted at 3:19 AM on Wednesday, July 24th, 2013

I can't forgive him. I can't. I just can't. I'm having such a bad night I want to crawl out of my skin. It's been 6+ weeks since d-day but all I keep feeling is that I am done and I can't forgive him ever. I know I'm supposed to wait to make any decisions but the only decision I keep coming to again and again and again is that this needs to end.

I am heartbroken for the life I thought I had and I am heartbroken x1000 for my young kids, who by the way know something is up and have asked why we are fighting so much and if we are getting divorced.

I can't take it anymore. Please please please help me find some relief from this pain.

Me, BW forty something, DD & DS,
Married to WH (49) 11 years, together 16
D-Day 6.8.13

posts: 620   ·   registered: Jun. 26th, 2013
id 6418262
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Tripletrouble ( member #39169) posted at 3:26 AM on Wednesday, July 24th, 2013

((((oldcow)))). I'm so sorry for your pain. It's so overwhelming at times it's hard to keep going. I have no advice, just lots of hugs and compassion. I hope tomorrow is a better day.

40 somethings - me BW after 20 years
D Day April 2013
Divorced November 2013
Happily remarried 2018
Time is a great healer but a terrible beautician.

posts: 1175   ·   registered: May. 3rd, 2013
id 6418276
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Chloe1997 ( new member #39840) posted at 3:34 AM on Wednesday, July 24th, 2013

I know this feel awful and just wanted to send love. My little one isn't old enough to verbalized but she sensed and acted out after all of the yelling and crying. It feels like crap and you are so not alone. I s there somewhere else for him to sleep in the house so you can have some space?

Me-34
WH- 35
Married 7 years (together 16 yrs)
DD- toddler
D-Day June 23, 2013

posts: 16   ·   registered: Jul. 16th, 2013   ·   location: Nyc
id 6418291
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 OldCow18 (original poster member #39670) posted at 3:37 AM on Wednesday, July 24th, 2013

Thank you both for responding, it is so helpful to know I'm not alone, although I feel awful that we have this misery in common, if that makes sense.

Chloe, he's been sleeping downstairs in the family room since d-day, but his ability to lead a perfectly normal life while doing so is just a knife in my back. I actually think he enjoys being in his "man-cave", what an asshat!

Me, BW forty something, DD & DS,
Married to WH (49) 11 years, together 16
D-Day 6.8.13

posts: 620   ·   registered: Jun. 26th, 2013
id 6418297
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PrincessPeach06 ( member #39588) posted at 3:40 AM on Wednesday, July 24th, 2013

((((Hugs))))

It's still early, the roller coaster of emotions is insane. I'm slowly learning. I'm so sorry. :(

Me (BS): 36
Him aka narcissistic psychopath (WS): 36
Married 17 years 6 kids ages 16-7
DDay #1 (EA) July '08
DDay #2 (EA/ONS- different OW) May 15, 2013

Finally this is R 8/14/13

Filed for divorce 5/8/15

posts: 326   ·   registered: Jun. 18th, 2013
id 6418300
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Chloe1997 ( new member #39840) posted at 3:41 AM on Wednesday, July 24th, 2013

Idiot! My emotionally stunted WH actually wants to remain in the bed but has no intention of committing to NC! um no! tonight I put his ass in the guest room where it will stay until he is ready to cut that whore off

Me-34
WH- 35
Married 7 years (together 16 yrs)
DD- toddler
D-Day June 23, 2013

posts: 16   ·   registered: Jul. 16th, 2013   ·   location: Nyc
id 6418303
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mchercheur ( member #37735) posted at 3:43 AM on Wednesday, July 24th, 2013

(((OldCow18)))

I know.

It will get better.

For me I had to decide if it was a dealbreaker for me, or if keeping the family together is more important. I am trying to hold this family together, but it is not easy.

Sending you hugs & strength. May it help you to know that there are others who are going tthru the same thing.

Me: BW; Him: WH --Had 10 mo. EA/ PA with COW; Dday 5/2011 Married 35 years/Together 36 years/4 kids together, and 1 grandbaby; OW 20 years younger than us/divorced no kids Trying to R; don't know what the final outcome will be

posts: 2687   ·   registered: Dec. 7th, 2012
id 6418306
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Take2 ( member #23890) posted at 4:59 AM on Wednesday, July 24th, 2013

My X used to do that: after an unresolved argument he'd just bop around like everything was fine and dandy, as if no argument existed. In effect he was dismissing my concerns, and if I raised the issue again - I was labeled miserable and negative. When he chose to do this after Dday... it was apparent that he equated his A with an argument over sharing household chores. It is infuriating! His expectation was that I should just let it go... No wonder you feel sick!

((OC18)) For some an A is simply a dealbreaker, and that is okay.

"We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us." Joseph Campbell...So, If fear was not a factor - what would you do?

posts: 4432   ·   registered: May. 6th, 2009   ·   location: New England
id 6418380
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m334455 ( member #26893) posted at 7:16 AM on Wednesday, July 24th, 2013

You don't have to do it if you don't want to. Your children will adapt. living with him if you can't forgive him will eat YOU up inside. Ironically, if you divorce you may be more likely to forgive him (but not want to be in a romantic relationship with him anymore.)

BW 38, 5 kids
Dday Dec. 2009

posts: 4034   ·   registered: Dec. 22nd, 2009
id 6418462
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