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The whole truth...please help

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wounded77 posted 7/23/2013 22:59 PM

Hello, My story begins early on when I met my husband when I was 17 not knowing myself with my own issues I didn't take his "occasional" alcohol and pot habit seriously. From day one he was always seemed to have a wondering eye and once again I seemed to have ignored the signs and chalked it up to him just being a guy. Time went on we got married had three kids however he never gave up the drinking and pot until he was 42. At that time I told him if he didn't give up the alcohol and pot he was no longer able to play in the band with me wondering if he would make it home on those nights. So he quit his lively hood since he could not give up the substances. Time passed and he showed a deep interest in finally giving it up and he finally made the decision to quit for good. His mother passed away and that seemed to have woke him up. He remained sober for a couple of years and asked me to have a baby with him since he was a drinker with the other two he wanted to do this one justice and be a good father. 1 year after I had our daughter he cheated on me with a dirty low class ho at his job and I knew nothing of this right up until two years ago turns out he did his dirty deed on his half hour lunch hour and this thing I would'nt call a woman basically just gave him oral sex for years and that was do I know this to be true? I gave him a lie detector test which he failed the first time around in his arrogance and then he decided to tell the truth. He kept this secret for over 15 years and I never would have found out until I remained on a cell phone call out of curiosity which he thought was hung up. I heard flirting and him attempting to go to the bathroom to finish himself off and couldn't. When he came home we had it out and I've been devastated ever since. Since then I have filed for legal seperation,put the house in my name since this coward could not face me in court and put the car in my name as well and threw him out. I've been married to the same man for 30 years and I am just so shocked at what a lie my life has been with him. Now he claims how sorry he was and that he never wanted to hurt me and that he was so stupid driven by lust and sexual greed. This woman he chose to sleep with looks quite gross and I just don't know why this has happened Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

numbandnauseous posted 7/24/2013 02:01 AM

Wow, that is a lot to deal with, wounded. I am so sorry you are here. You are already sounding strong by getting the house and car in your name and throwing him out. I can't believe you gave him a lie detector test too - you are amazing!

Have you looked in the healing library in the upper left hand corner of this website? Start there and read all you can.

There is a lot to process about the whys and it takes quite a while.

Right now, you need to focus on taking care of yourself: making sure you are getting enough water, nutrition and sleep.

Are you seeing a counselor? Have you considered MC (=marriage counseling)?

You may also want to post in our "Just Found Out" forum since your discovery was so recent.

Hugs to you, wounded:

Post often - you will find healing here.

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