When is the truth the truth...and if he says he wants our marriage, do I believe that too?
Edited for follow up question...reading the posts here, I see SO MANY with more than one DD. Is there even hope? If he's been unfaithful for our entire marriage, is the rest inevitable?
[This message edited by kickboxer at 11:56 PM, July 23rd (Tuesday)]
WOW -- I'm just so sorry.
An unknown number of others??? Goodness.
I'm not really sure when you will know when you have ALL THE TRUTH...it just keeps coming and coming.
Was the 2nd PA less than a year ago a long-term-affair? IF so: How long did the affair last, and when did it end?
I'm just so sorry.
I can understand being alone; but I hate being with someone and feeling lonely.
I can't breath.
I just know this is what dying a painful death must feel like.
His behavior sounds compulsive to me. I would guess he DOES want the marriage, but what you need to do now is think about what you want. And get tested for STD's.
If you want to try to save the marriage, he's going to need some serious counseling. 13 years of bad behavior isn't going to disappear overnight.
Take a few deep breaths, a bubble bath, get some rest and make some space from him. Drink plenty of water and try to eat. Take it one minute at a time.
It's almost like you are dealing with two (or three) different people. Serial cheaters who are able to be married and compartmentalize their cheating are a tough nut to crack.
He is going to SAY what ever he thinks you want to hear. But the reality is, you have NO IDEA what (or who) he is really doing behind the scenes.
If you were dealing with a WS who was being completely open, transparent, and remorseful, that would be one thing. But this appears to be a WS who only admits to what you know. And he only offers "trickle-truth" when he is confessing. This is not remorse.
You are dealing with multiple OP's and now multiple d-days. Why are you so desperate to work this out, when he has been the big screw up in the marriage?
My advice to you would be to take a giant step back. You need to regroup and realize that you can't "wish" this marriage to be better. He needs to take the lead. My bet is if you take a step back in the "fixing" he will drop the ball a resume he regular behavior. His ACTIONS after you step back will tell you your next move.
When another woman takes your husband,
sometimes the best thing you can do for
yourself is to LET HER HAVE him.
OC born 2001
Remarried 2008 (New Guy)