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shamein12 posted 7/24/2013 00:16 AM

I accidently came across this site. I am going to give my story and would like any and all opinions. Trust me at this point I'm harder on myself than anyone else can be.

So I met my fiancée in high school and was in love and had a huge crush, nothing ever came of it but he was always in my head. Well last year we reconnected on a social media site and within a day of talking I had a more feelings for him than I ever had for another man. I was previously married for 12 years and never felt this way for him. within weeks of dating I knew he was the one I was so in love it was like a cheesy lifetime movie. I never believed that was real until him. Anyway after 4 months together he was arrested and incarcerated. My whole world came to a end it felt like, I fell in to the worst depression of my entire life. At this point I was told he would be serving close to 2 years. I didn't know what to do! I wrote him everyday, looked for lawyers, sent him money and everything I could do. About 6 months later my ex(who I have 4 children with) started causing problems, and things got physical. I was evicted and had no money to support my children, but still provided for him while incarcerated. during this time a male friend from my past reconnected with me. He ended up helping me financially and emotionally and eventually physically. It only lasted 2 months but it was 2 months I wish I could take back! While he was incarcerated I also sent photos to a couple males. Yes I was lonely but I still was completely wrong. Well once my love got out he found out within 2 days of his release and he was so hurt and angry but he stayed. He asked if there was anything else he should know and I said no but there were many details I left out. He said that if he found out I was lying he would leave, I was such a coward I couldn't come clean. Well this past weekend he emailed the man I cheated with and once again asked if there was anything I should know before he replied. Being the coward I am I again said no and of course he had to find out the truth by someone other than me. He became so angry and just left. He has still been coming around but says he no longer loves me and doesn't want to be with me. The hardest part of all of this is that since he was released we have been trying to get pregnant and I am almost sure I am but it is too early to test. :( Today we went to a counseling session and I was so happy he went, after counseling he let me hold his hand and even moved his stuff back in. He is still really distant and the counselor said that's normal and I have to accept his boundries and I will do anything to make sure we are ok. He also agreed to keep attending counseling. It's really hard not having him look at me the same and the harsh comments that he sometimes says but I know it is part of this horrible process. sorry it's so long I just would love some advice, opinions or just responses. I'm sick and haven't eaten in 3 days. Thank you in advance!!

stilllovinghim posted 7/24/2013 01:08 AM

Hello and welcome to SI.
Head over to the Healing Library there on your left when you have a chance and read. Read everything.
I have a couple of suggestions and you might not like them but here goes:

1, Stop minimizing.
2, Stop rushing this.
3, Write out a timeline with every detail you can remember. The sooner the better.
4, Stop lying.
5, Please for the love of Pete do not try and bring a baby into this mess right now! There's too much stress and anxiety and uncertainties happening. You have 4 kids now, right? Spend time with them and cherish them. A baby at this stage is just bad news and it will not help the situation. I know you don't want to hear that and I'm sorry if I offend or anger but it's JMHO and you can take it or leave it.

[This message edited by stilllovinghim at 1:09 AM, July 24th (Wednesday)]

shamein12 posted 7/24/2013 13:42 PM

To stilllovinghim-

Thank you for the reply!! I am not at all offended and truly need other perspectives such as yours. I truly will strive to do these things. As for the baby we were trying last month which means I will find out any day now, we aren't currently trying but it just was timed this way. I do tend to minimize things and rush things and I'm working to correct these things. I truly appreciate your advice and am in no way offended.

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