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O L D - 'who pays'?

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EvenKeel posted 7/24/2013 07:51 AM

Been emailing off and on with some OLD guy for a few months. We have said about going out but it had never materialized due to schedules.

I emailed him to let him know I will have some rare 'kid-free' time this weekend if he is available.

He emailed back right away with a yes. Followed by "When & where".

I have no problems picking the place, etc. However, I am not sure if this is classified as me asking him out or what?

I will be prepared for ANY scenario financially....but should I offer to pick up the tab since I sorta asked? Assume dutch? What?

On a traditional first date, I always assume dutch (but most guys won't hear of it so I then counter with leaving the tip, etc).

SO should I automatically just take the check and announce, "I'll get this since I asked you?"


She11ybeanz posted 7/24/2013 08:16 AM

Um.....I'm kinda old-fashioned in the sense where I doubt I would offer to pick up the WHOLE tab on the 1st date...even if I was the one who kinda got the date started. I would just assume dutch and if he offers to pick up the tab then I think that's sweet but since you asked him 1st, I would assume dutch.

I've been burned too many times by guys who are looking for a "sugar momma" of sorts and sperm donor always had excuses for not being able to take me out or pay for things.....and I'm not looking for a guy to do it all....but I'm still pretty traditional on a 1st date. If this guy is serious about you, I doubt he will let you pick up the whole tab. And, if he would concern me a little bit..... IMO.

[This message edited by She11ybeanz at 8:16 AM, July 24th (Wednesday)]

hurtbs posted 7/24/2013 08:30 AM

WIth OLD, I always offered to go dutch. 90% of the time, the guy would just pay. Bring enough cash to cover you and/or the tip.

I would recommend not doing something too commital. Pick a place to grab a drink or a coffee. You may get along online, but not in real life. Pick a place that you can extend the date if you get along well and drop it if you don't.

[This message edited by hurtbs at 8:31 AM, July 24th (Wednesday)]

EvenKeel posted 7/24/2013 08:42 AM

I have always offered to go dutch (and meant it) but have not had a single guy let me yet. Ditto with letting the tip, they are very much "absolutely not".

However, I never had a date where I spearheaded it but I was just needed some validation.

I just can't get a good read on this guy at all online. One email will be very personable....the next very cut and dry. Which he could just be busy in the 'cut & dry' ones. IDK....I figured I needed to meet him once to get a good feel of him(mentally - NOT physically).

So I am not having any of the normal 'first date' nerves...more like just interested to see how he comes across in person. I think he is pretty new at dipping his toes into the entire OLD thing too so I shall thread lightly.

[This message edited by EvenKeel at 8:43 AM, July 24th (Wednesday)]

InnerLight posted 7/24/2013 09:04 AM

If I don't like the guy after meeting him and I don't want to entertain any romantic ideas I would definitely pay my half.

If I am attracted to him I will feel more so if he picked up the tab as to me it's more romantic to be treated. In that case I don't jump to paying out of some idea about 'equality' or 'fairness' as that is a romance killer for me and defeats the purpose. I know everyone is different here and we all have to be realistic about what turns us on.

I would be prepared for both and I would also not go to dinner on a first date. Something small like coffee or a drink and appetizer so you can leave quickly and easily if he is annoying or boring. I also know that if a date goes on too long and I get tired I get more critical. So even if it is going well I will not allow a first date to go past an hour.

willowiris posted 7/24/2013 19:28 PM

I have always offered to go dutch (and meant it) but have not had a single guy let me yet. Ditto with letting the tip, they are very much "absolutely not".

This is me. Finally, i just quit asking and let him pay. This is the south. Most men raised here know this is the tradition here. My son even went out on a date and paid for the girl, and he's 16. Great incentive for him to work!

Hope4TheFuture posted 7/25/2013 06:06 AM

Even here in carpetbagger land (the north), men I've gone out with through OLD have paid on the first date. I always come prepared for Dutch, but I've never had one accept.

If I were to ask for the first date, I'd come prepared to pay for everything.


EvenKeel posted 7/25/2013 07:15 AM

My son even went out on a date and paid for the girl, and he's 16.

It is funny you said that. On one of my dates, I did my 'dutch' offer and they guy was all offended and said "Absolutely not....besides my mom would roll over in her grave! She did not raise me like that!!!"

damncutekitty posted 7/25/2013 14:48 PM

IMO, the first meetup off a OLD site is not a date. I see them more as interviews, and more often than not you never see the person again. I would not expect guys to be shelling out for drinks and stuff for a situation like that.

CluelessGuy posted 7/25/2013 22:42 PM

The unwritten rule is that the guy always pays. If my date offered to pay, I would appreciate it but almost always decline. Even if she initiated contact and/or suggested the date. And, yes, those of us north of the Mason-Dixon line have manners too.

As with InnerLight, the one time I agreed to split the bill was a date that couldn't end quickly enough.

EvenKeel posted 7/26/2013 07:44 AM

And, yes, those of us north of the Mason-Dixon line have manners too.

It is funny that geograpics have been brought up a few times....wonder how it will play out. The OLD is from the south but moved here (north) last year.

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