Cookies are required for login or registration. Please read and agree to our cookie policy to continue.

Newest Member: Anderson78

New Beginnings :
O L D - 'who pays'?

This Topic is Archived
question

 EvenKeel (original poster member #24210) posted at 1:51 PM on Wednesday, July 24th, 2013

Been emailing off and on with some OLD guy for a few months. We have said about going out but it had never materialized due to schedules.

I emailed him to let him know I will have some rare 'kid-free' time this weekend if he is available.

He emailed back right away with a yes. Followed by "When & where".

I have no problems picking the place, etc. However, I am not sure if this is classified as me asking him out or what?

I will be prepared for ANY scenario financially....but should I offer to pick up the tab since I sorta asked? Assume dutch? What?

On a traditional first date, I always assume dutch (but most guys won't hear of it so I then counter with leaving the tip, etc).

SO should I automatically just take the check and announce, "I'll get this since I asked you?"

Thanks!

posts: 6985   ·   registered: May. 31st, 2009   ·   location: Pennsylvania
id 6418593
default

She11ybeanz ( member #27457) posted at 2:16 PM on Wednesday, July 24th, 2013

Um.....I'm kinda old-fashioned in the sense where I doubt I would offer to pick up the WHOLE tab on the 1st date...even if I was the one who kinda got the date started. I would just assume dutch and if he offers to pick up the tab then I think that's sweet but since you asked him 1st, I would assume dutch.

I've been burned too many times by guys who are looking for a "sugar momma" of sorts and sperm donor always had excuses for not being able to take me out or pay for things.....and I'm not looking for a guy to do it all....but I'm still pretty traditional on a 1st date. If this guy is serious about you, I doubt he will let you pick up the whole tab. And, if he does.....it would concern me a little bit..... IMO.

[This message edited by She11ybeanz at 8:16 AM, July 24th (Wednesday)]

"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12

posts: 2767   ·   registered: Feb. 4th, 2010   ·   location: Virginia
id 6418621
default

hurtbs ( member #10866) posted at 2:30 PM on Wednesday, July 24th, 2013

WIth OLD, I always offered to go dutch. 90% of the time, the guy would just pay. Bring enough cash to cover you and/or the tip.

I would recommend not doing something too commital. Pick a place to grab a drink or a coffee. You may get along online, but not in real life. Pick a place that you can extend the date if you get along well and drop it if you don't.

[This message edited by hurtbs at 8:31 AM, July 24th (Wednesday)]

Me - 40 something. WXH DDay 2006, Divorced 2012
WBF DDay #1 9/2022 #2 11/2022
Single

posts: 15762   ·   registered: Jun. 1st, 2006   ·   location: So Cal
id 6418636
default

 EvenKeel (original poster member #24210) posted at 2:42 PM on Wednesday, July 24th, 2013

I have always offered to go dutch (and meant it) but have not had a single guy let me yet. Ditto with letting the tip, they are very much "absolutely not".

However, I never had a date where I spearheaded it but I was just needed some validation.

I just can't get a good read on this guy at all online. One email will be very personable....the next very cut and dry. Which he could just be busy in the 'cut & dry' ones. IDK....I figured I needed to meet him once to get a good feel of him(mentally - NOT physically).

So I am not having any of the normal 'first date' nerves...more like just interested to see how he comes across in person. I think he is pretty new at dipping his toes into the entire OLD thing too so I shall thread lightly.

[This message edited by EvenKeel at 8:43 AM, July 24th (Wednesday)]

posts: 6985   ·   registered: May. 31st, 2009   ·   location: Pennsylvania
id 6418649
default

InnerLight ( member #19946) posted at 3:04 PM on Wednesday, July 24th, 2013

If I don't like the guy after meeting him and I don't want to entertain any romantic ideas I would definitely pay my half.

If I am attracted to him I will feel more so if he picked up the tab as to me it's more romantic to be treated. In that case I don't jump to paying out of some idea about 'equality' or 'fairness' as that is a romance killer for me and defeats the purpose. I know everyone is different here and we all have to be realistic about what turns us on.

I would be prepared for both and I would also not go to dinner on a first date. Something small like coffee or a drink and appetizer so you can leave quickly and easily if he is annoying or boring. I also know that if a date goes on too long and I get tired I get more critical. So even if it is going well I will not allow a first date to go past an hour.

BS, 64 yearsD-day 6-2-08D after 20 years together
The journey from Armageddon to Amazing Life happens one step at a time. Don't ever give up!

posts: 6688   ·   registered: Jun. 20th, 2008   ·   location: Rural California
id 6418689
default

willowiris ( member #5372) posted at 1:28 AM on Thursday, July 25th, 2013

I have always offered to go dutch (and meant it) but have not had a single guy let me yet. Ditto with letting the tip, they are very much "absolutely not".

This is me. Finally, i just quit asking and let him pay. This is the south. Most men raised here know this is the tradition here. My son even went out on a date and paid for the girl, and he's 16. Great incentive for him to work!

D-day 09/2004
Filed for divorce 9/2006

We accept the love we think we deserve. "The Perks of Being a Wallflower."

posts: 12326   ·   registered: Sep. 15th, 2004   ·   location: Margaritaville
id 6419787
default

Hope4TheFuture ( member #25382) posted at 12:06 PM on Thursday, July 25th, 2013

Even here in carpetbagger land (the north), men I've gone out with through OLD have paid on the first date. I always come prepared for Dutch, but I've never had one accept.

If I were to ask for the first date, I'd come prepared to pay for everything.

Hope4

posts: 657   ·   registered: Sep. 1st, 2009   ·   location: in the void
id 6420309
default

 EvenKeel (original poster member #24210) posted at 1:15 PM on Thursday, July 25th, 2013

My son even went out on a date and paid for the girl, and he's 16.

It is funny you said that. On one of my dates, I did my 'dutch' offer and they guy was all offended and said "Absolutely not....besides my mom would roll over in her grave! She did not raise me like that!!!"

posts: 6985   ·   registered: May. 31st, 2009   ·   location: Pennsylvania
id 6420354
default

damncutekitty ( member #5929) posted at 8:48 PM on Thursday, July 25th, 2013

IMO, the first meetup off a OLD site is not a date. I see them more as interviews, and more often than not you never see the person again. I would not expect guys to be shelling out for drinks and stuff for a situation like that.

12/18/15 found out my now EX boyfriend was trolling CL for underage girls. From the cops. The fun never stops.

posts: 49560   ·   registered: Nov. 29th, 2004   ·   location: Minneapolis
id 6421192
default

CluelessGuy ( member #28491) posted at 4:42 AM on Friday, July 26th, 2013

The unwritten rule is that the guy always pays. If my date offered to pay, I would appreciate it but almost always decline. Even if she initiated contact and/or suggested the date. And, yes, those of us north of the Mason-Dixon line have manners too.

As with InnerLight, the one time I agreed to split the bill was a date that couldn't end quickly enough.

BH - now 48
Divorced - Nov. 26, 2012

posts: 656   ·   registered: May. 9th, 2010
id 6421995
default

 EvenKeel (original poster member #24210) posted at 1:44 PM on Friday, July 26th, 2013

And, yes, those of us north of the Mason-Dixon line have manners too.

It is funny that geograpics have been brought up a few times....wonder how it will play out. The OLD is from the south but moved here (north) last year.

posts: 6985   ·   registered: May. 31st, 2009   ·   location: Pennsylvania
id 6422256
This Topic is Archived
Cookies on SurvivingInfidelity.com®

SurvivingInfidelity.com® uses cookies to enhance your visit to our website. This is a requirement for participants to login, post and use other features. Visitors may opt out, but the website will be less functional for you.

v.1.001.20250404a 2002-2025 SurvivingInfidelity.com® All Rights Reserved. • Privacy Policy