Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-

SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

like us on facebook
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: Thissucksagain (56331)

User Topic: O L D - 'who pays'?
EvenKeel
♀ 24210
Member # 24210
Question  Posted: 7:51 AM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Been emailing off and on with some OLD guy for a few months. We have said about going out but it had never materialized due to schedules.

I emailed him to let him know I will have some rare 'kid-free' time this weekend if he is available.

He emailed back right away with a yes. Followed by "When & where".

I have no problems picking the place, etc. However, I am not sure if this is classified as me asking him out or what?

I will be prepared for ANY scenario financially....but should I offer to pick up the tab since I sorta asked? Assume dutch? What?

On a traditional first date, I always assume dutch (but most guys won't hear of it so I then counter with leaving the tip, etc).

SO should I automatically just take the check and announce, "I'll get this since I asked you?"

Thanks!


I am always disappointed when a liar's pants actually do not catch on fire.

Posts: 4320 | Registered: May 2009 | From: Pa
She11ybeanz
♀ 27457
Member # 27457
Default  Posted: 8:16 AM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Um.....I'm kinda old-fashioned in the sense where I doubt I would offer to pick up the WHOLE tab on the 1st date...even if I was the one who kinda got the date started. I would just assume dutch and if he offers to pick up the tab then I think that's sweet but since you asked him 1st, I would assume dutch.

I've been burned too many times by guys who are looking for a "sugar momma" of sorts and sperm donor always had excuses for not being able to take me out or pay for things.....and I'm not looking for a guy to do it all....but I'm still pretty traditional on a 1st date. If this guy is serious about you, I doubt he will let you pick up the whole tab. And, if he does.....it would concern me a little bit..... IMO.

[This message edited by She11ybeanz at 8:16 AM, July 24th (Wednesday)]


"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2767 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
hurtbs
♀ 10866
Member # 10866
Default  Posted: 8:30 AM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WIth OLD, I always offered to go dutch. 90% of the time, the guy would just pay. Bring enough cash to cover you and/or the tip.

I would recommend not doing something too commital. Pick a place to grab a drink or a coffee. You may get along online, but not in real life. Pick a place that you can extend the date if you get along well and drop it if you don't.

[This message edited by hurtbs at 8:31 AM, July 24th (Wednesday)]


Me BW Him XSAWH
DDays 2006, and then numerous more
Divorced 2012

"In life, unlike chess, the game continues after checkmate." - Asimov
"Be patient and tough; someday this pain will be useful to you." - Ovid


Posts: 15606 | Registered: Jun 2006
EvenKeel
♀ 24210
Member # 24210
Default  Posted: 8:42 AM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have always offered to go dutch (and meant it) but have not had a single guy let me yet. Ditto with letting the tip, they are very much "absolutely not".

However, I never had a date where I spearheaded it but I was just needed some validation.

I just can't get a good read on this guy at all online. One email will be very personable....the next very cut and dry. Which he could just be busy in the 'cut & dry' ones. IDK....I figured I needed to meet him once to get a good feel of him(mentally - NOT physically).

So I am not having any of the normal 'first date' nerves...more like just interested to see how he comes across in person. I think he is pretty new at dipping his toes into the entire OLD thing too so I shall thread lightly.

[This message edited by EvenKeel at 8:43 AM, July 24th (Wednesday)]


I am always disappointed when a liar's pants actually do not catch on fire.

Posts: 4320 | Registered: May 2009 | From: Pa
InnerLight
♀ 19946
Member # 19946
Default  Posted: 9:04 AM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If I don't like the guy after meeting him and I don't want to entertain any romantic ideas I would definitely pay my half.

If I am attracted to him I will feel more so if he picked up the tab as to me it's more romantic to be treated. In that case I don't jump to paying out of some idea about 'equality' or 'fairness' as that is a romance killer for me and defeats the purpose. I know everyone is different here and we all have to be realistic about what turns us on.

I would be prepared for both and I would also not go to dinner on a first date. Something small like coffee or a drink and appetizer so you can leave quickly and easily if he is annoying or boring. I also know that if a date goes on too long and I get tired I get more critical. So even if it is going well I will not allow a first date to go past an hour.


BS, 55 years
D-day 6-2-08
D after 20 years
The journey from Armageddon to Amazing Life happens one step at a time. Don't ever give up!

Posts: 6628 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: Rural California
willowiris
♀ 5372
Member # 5372
Default  Posted: 7:28 PM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have always offered to go dutch (and meant it) but have not had a single guy let me yet. Ditto with letting the tip, they are very much "absolutely not".

This is me. Finally, i just quit asking and let him pay. This is the south. Most men raised here know this is the tradition here. My son even went out on a date and paid for the girl, and he's 16. Great incentive for him to work!


D-day 09/2004
Filed for divorce 9/2006

We accept the love we think we deserve. "The Perks of Being a Wallflower."


Posts: 12326 | Registered: Sep 2004 | From: Margaritaville
Hope4TheFuture
♀ 25382
Member # 25382
Default  Posted: 6:06 AM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Even here in carpetbagger land (the north), men I've gone out with through OLD have paid on the first date. I always come prepared for Dutch, but I've never had one accept.

If I were to ask for the first date, I'd come prepared to pay for everything.

Hope4


Posts: 626 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: in the void
EvenKeel
♀ 24210
Member # 24210
Default  Posted: 7:15 AM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My son even went out on a date and paid for the girl, and he's 16.

It is funny you said that. On one of my dates, I did my 'dutch' offer and they guy was all offended and said "Absolutely not....besides my mom would roll over in her grave! She did not raise me like that!!!"


I am always disappointed when a liar's pants actually do not catch on fire.

Posts: 4320 | Registered: May 2009 | From: Pa
damncutekitty
♀ 5929
Member # 5929
Default  Posted: 2:48 PM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

IMO, the first meetup off a OLD site is not a date. I see them more as interviews, and more often than not you never see the person again. I would not expect guys to be shelling out for drinks and stuff for a situation like that.


12/18/15 found out my now EX boyfriend was trolling CL for underage girls. From the cops. The fun never stops.

Posts: 49560 | Registered: Nov 2004 | From: Minneapolis
CluelessGuy
♂ 28491
Member # 28491
Default  Posted: 10:42 PM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The unwritten rule is that the guy always pays. If my date offered to pay, I would appreciate it but almost always decline. Even if she initiated contact and/or suggested the date. And, yes, those of us north of the Mason-Dixon line have manners too.

As with InnerLight, the one time I agreed to split the bill was a date that couldn't end quickly enough.


BH - now 48
Divorced - Nov. 26, 2012

Posts: 654 | Registered: May 2010
EvenKeel
♀ 24210
Member # 24210
Default  Posted: 7:44 AM, July 26th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

And, yes, those of us north of the Mason-Dixon line have manners too.

It is funny that geograpics have been brought up a few times....wonder how it will play out. The OLD is from the south but moved here (north) last year.


I am always disappointed when a liar's pants actually do not catch on fire.

Posts: 4320 | Registered: May 2009 | From: Pa
Topic Posts: 11

Return to Forum This Topic is Archived
adultry
madness  
© 2002 - 2016 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.