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Newest Member: Schattenfell (61077)

User Topic: Is Doctor Giving Him a free pass??
♀ 19234
Member # 19234
Default  Posted: 8:42 AM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

R has been going pretty well. We had a second Dday in April. This time around I can truly see remorse.

In may I went on a business trip with him and he started getting strange medical symptoms. So he has been in a complete panic about maybe having stds. He has been checked and does not. The symptoms are vague. Back pain, headache, tingling, etc.

Our sex life came to a hault as he has become deathly afraid to give me something. This has put a real damper on things. We discussed this at mc and wh says by mid August (4 month mark) he will get retested and he thinks be able to accept the negative results.

Wh went to his regular internist yesterday for her to check and make sure he is ok (ie not cancer, etc). His blood pressure was very high And he has acid reflux. Between these two it explains all symptoms except his night sweats.

He is an elite athlete but has gained fifteen pounds this year and has been working out an hour a day as opposed to several. I mention this because the doctor seems to think this is all stress induced. It may be but the weight gain could be as well. I do trust her though as she is a good doctor.

Wh has been truly tortured by his actions and has been a wreck. Doctor told him that she wants him to take eight weeks to get blood pressure down. If he doesn't she will put him on medicine. She also said he may need anti depressant.

Here is the part that is bothering feels like he is saying that he needs to not be stressed. I asked if that meant no talk about As. He said no. But I have this strange feeling this will be used to avoid upsetting conversations. He just found out yesterday so I will see how this week goes. I will talk in mc about it next week. I am just curious to hear people's thoughts on this one.

Posts: 327 | Registered: Apr 2008
♀ 37184
Member # 37184
Default  Posted: 12:29 PM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

hello hopeful

are you worried about your h using his stress levels as an excuse to not discuss his a's because that's how he handled the first one??

Did he want to rug sweep it in 08?

if he did, maybe that's why your experiencing some anxiety now?

He said no? talking of the a's isnt off limits?

Posts: 986 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: new york
♂ 31240
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 5:13 PM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If he wants to reduce his stress, he can learn some techniques that help.

If he's truly remorseful, the act of coming clean and rebuilding his M will be a stress-reducer in the long term. Keeping it covered up will probably increase his stress.

He cheated. There are consequences, one of which is increased stress. The cure is to heal - come clean, change so he won't cheat again, make amends.

fBH (me) - 66 on d-day, Married 43, together 45 on d-day, same sex ap
DDay - 12/22/2010
Recover'd and R'ed
Most of us know only our own experience. That's not enough data to support a general rule that D, or R, is right in every sitch.

Posts: 16524 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Illinois
♀ 34755
Member # 34755
Default  Posted: 5:59 PM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's actually not uncommon for a Wayward spouse (as well as the betrayed) to experience health symptoms as the result of infidelity and the ensuing fall out.

My FWH went through massive symptoms the year of our false R and then after DDay2. His liver enzymes went up, he would get headaches, stressed out like you wouldn't believe, etc. I thought he had hepatitis at one point as a result of his affairs, but he didn't.

He even got shingles (a really really bad case) 3 months after DDay 2 due to the stress. The stress killed his immune system.

In time, his health settled out and he's fine, though he on two AD's for other reasons and it has helped a lot.

Did it stop me from talking about the A's??? HELL NO. Absolutely not. I was under even more stress, so if I could take it, so could he.

Talking eventually helped when he stopped lying, oddly coincided with the end of his shingles, when he finally gave disclosure of the last huge lie.

BS - Me
DDay 1 - Jul 11
DDay 2 - Jul 12
R Dec 12

Former 80s Icon wishful thinking

Posts: 2031 | Registered: Feb 2012
♀ 38263
Member # 38263
Default  Posted: 7:47 PM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My WH had horrible night sweats, stomach issues, and looks like he aged 10 years in 6 months. He says its all the poison leaving his body,and he now feels WAY better as he completely told me everything.

I have to ask...if he is so cagey about his health, is he hiding something he hasn't revealed?

Keep yourself safe.

I choose to thrive. I choose to be happy.

That which doesn't kill me makes me stronger...but damn, aren't I strong enough yet???

Posts: 71 | Registered: Jan 2013
♀ 36519
Member # 36519
Default  Posted: 9:09 PM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yup, my WH's a mess physically. Heavier than he's been in his life, reverted to smoking, poor sleep... He looks awful, TBH. You know, you reap what you sow. Blame shifting to you means he's not recognizing that he did this to himself, and by refusing to deal with it, the stress will only continue.

BS (me): 51
WS: 52
Married: 27 yrs
Kids: 2
OW: Co-worker, 7 yr LTA
DD 8/1/2012, Working on R

Posts: 1064 | Registered: Aug 2012
Topic Posts: 6

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