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Finally Get It

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peridot posted 7/24/2013 08:50 AM

My family is the most screwed up, dysfunctional family I have ever known. It's gotten bad enough that I have distanced myself from all of them and only speak to a few.

In the past year there has been some major family drama. I don't really want to go into details on here but it's huge enough that it has split our family.

My brother and sisters have always been very distant with me. I tried to have a relationship with them but it was very one sided. They've never seemed too interested in being a part of my life.

These are all half siblings. My only full blood sibling passed away at birth.

Having dealt with major life threatening health issues, the divorce and the fall out of my family; a few months ago I decided it was time to get rid of all the negativity in my life. It's for my own good and my health. I just can't deal with it any longer.

So I decided if they weren't really a part of my life then they weren't going to be in my life. I don't need family who want to be my family when it's convenient for them.

So out of the blue I get a message on Facebook from one of my sisters. She wants to know what caused my brother's death. She didn't say "our brother". It was "your brother".

Turns out she is pregnant and there was some problems with the baby. That's why she was asking about my brother.

I don't really care that she didn't tell me about being pregnant. Over the years I have become used to not knowing what's going on in their lives.

What stood out to me is that they see me as a half sibling. It's never been like that for me. They are my brother and sisters. There is no half. They are family.

I don't think they see it that way and it comes out when she said,"your brother".

Just a few months ago I was talking to my aunt and I voiced my concerns over how they(my siblings) were treating me. It's like I am an outsider looking in. I'm just the half sister.

Any way, think I finally get it and it doesn't bother me. I'm happy with my life and that's all that matters.

travels posted 7/24/2013 09:22 AM

I understand. My older sisters are my full sisters, but they are 12 and 8 years older. It's like I am from another family and am often seen as an afterthought. It's like their goal in life has been to keep me in my place so I "don't do better than them."

It's amazing how much better life is when you go NC or LC with the people who have brought so much toxicity to your life. I realized recently that I wouldn't be friends with them if we weren't related. We are very different in every way. My only regret is letting them drag me down for so long.

Did you message back with what happened to "OUR" brother?

[This message edited by travels at 9:24 AM, July 24th (Wednesday)]

peridot posted 7/24/2013 09:37 AM

You know, it didn't even cross my mind to message back "our or my". When I speak of someone I use their name. I don't put ownership on family members or friends lmao.

Now that I think of it my mom and aunt do the same thing. They especially did it with my grandmother. They always refer to her as "my mom". So maybe it's something my sister got from them.

There's also a big competition with certain family members in my family to be "better" than everyone else. It's sad really. Why not be happy with who you are and what you have?

Honestly, if we weren't family I wouldn't be friends with any of them either. I have noticed how much calmer my life is without them in it so much. It's also a lot less stressful and a lot less drama.

peridot posted 7/24/2013 09:46 AM

You know, taking ownership of a person is real similar to a NPD person treating a person as property. Wow, I have learned a thing or two just by being here on SI.

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