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The 'hurt' is devasting!

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heartandsoul5591 posted 7/24/2013 09:45 AM

My D-day was May 3rd of this year..........(the 43rd anniversary of our engagement!)...found out H was having PA with a MW at his work. He said she came onto him, and it was only twice. But one of those times it was actually at his place of work!!! (disgusting and dangerous). I left him for 10 days, than decided to come home and try and mend this. (too many years of marriage not to try). How do I trust again? My H is the type that he thinks you can talk once or twice about things and be done with it. I am the type that needs to know everything and I still have more questions! Is it wrong of me to want to know more? I feel I need to know ALL the truth (if it is the truth) from him to start to even heal from this. We both had our own counselors. He feels good about things, but I doubt things daily. I always think anything I do he is judging me against her. Is it wrong to think this way? This was the one and only time (that I know of) that he cheated on me. BTW...I found out by the OW's husband coming to my door to tell me......thanks for any and all comments...............lonely, hurt and confused..........

dargirl posted 7/24/2013 09:49 AM

I know the feeling, you are not alone, I feel like I NEED To know the truth too.. in order to move forward.. I FEEL like he is hiding things still.. it hurts..

avicarswife posted 7/24/2013 10:37 AM

Welcome to SI - I'm glad you found us, but I am so sorry for what you are going through.

Have you checked out the healing library - in the yellow box in the top left.

It is absolutely fine for you to want to know more and ask questions. My WH (wayward husband)also wanted to leave it and not revisit it. I printed him out some of the following link

and also he read Linda MacDonald's book, "How to help your spouse heal from your affair"

These were the start for him to realise that for us to try and work towards reconciling meant telling me it all! That took a year! Up until then he continued trickling out information - agony for me!

Keep posting - there is lots of support here.

newnormal posted 7/26/2013 16:04 PM

He said she came onto him, and it was only twice

Gently, you are just starting this roller coaster ride. The ws often minimizes the interactions. I am so sorry.

How do I trust again?

He has to be absolutely open to aswer any questions you may ask. Give you all passwords, be completely transparent and let you have his cell phone and computer any time you want. If he hesitates, he is hiding more.

Your feelings and confusion and disbelief are sure to take care of yourself, get some exercise even if its just walking outside for 5 minutes, drink some water.keep reading here particularly the healing library to your left.

welcome to the best club you never wanted to join. ((((Hugs)))))

[This message edited by newnormal at 4:04 PM, July 26th (Friday)]

1Faith posted 7/26/2013 16:14 PM

I'm so sorry to read your story and what you are going through.

You are not crazy! You are not some obsessed, crazed woman! Don't think that.

What you are thinking, feeling, even doing, are all part of this horror called adultery. We all understand your pain.

Infidelity causes a deep wound that requires a very long time to heal, but it will. You may always have a scar, but the wound won't always be so painful.

This forum is a good place for you now. Suffering alone is such a difficult way to go.

If you can, please seek IC. Then, if your WH will participate, consider MC down the road.

Utilizing the experience and support of the members here, plus IC & MC, will make your road back a little smoother...not easy...but perhaps easier.

2.5 months after DDay is such a short time. It took me a well over a year to find a way to heal myself.

And that's what it's all about...First, heal yourself. After that, you can concentrate on what you want regarding your marriage.

What is your WH doing for you today? He must show you with actions, not words that he is sincere in his desire to reconcile.

Until then, please try to take good care of yourself. This is such a long, hard journey.

But, you won't be alone. We promise

Please continue to post here. Tell us your story. People care, they care about you, what you are going thru, what you are feeling, what you fear.

If you want advise, we will offer it. If you just want someone to listen, we will do that too. There are times when you want a shoulder to cry on - we have plenty of those. Use us. We're here for you.

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