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why wont he admit??

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Jammy19 posted 7/24/2013 10:17 AM

I found out my husband had been in an emotional affair with a 21 yr old who lived with us for 2 years. I kicked her out for being trashy 7 on drugs last year. She went to jail for impersonating me & stealing money online via my bank account. I dispise her and tried to have little or no contact with her. I found out he had been texting her excessivley for 9 months and lied to me about it. They agreed to keep it a secret! It was only a innocent situation. He is in his 50s and thought of her as a daughter even though last year she made a pass at him the night I kicked her out! I am beyond betrayed and hurt. This girl caused my nervous breakdown last year. While I was discovering all thsi I found that he gets texts messages from Canda, Mauritania, New York and several other states. I call the #s and they are google voice #s. No one calls back except for the guys who wanted to send his porn to his profile. My husband swears he didnt do an of this, only texting the 21 year old trash bag. He swears hes been hacked and set up. I ordered 3 years of records and have found the same #s to Mauritania, and Texas and other states that text him and he texts back. I also found him on 2 dating sites, it was his password foe everything but didnt have a picture. It had the correct age and his password he used as his profile name. Whats the coincidence of that happening?. He says its not him. I also found porn on my computer and hes blaming my son. I am living in hell and need advice. The 21 year old lived with us and used our computer. she impersonated me and transferredmoney from my bank account and went to jail. it is possible she hacked us but it seems he may have also done this. He doesnt even text our 21 year odl daughter but texted that trashy girl. How do I explain all the porn and dating sites. he also had 4 slutty contacts on his phone, gmail, im on aol and all social hubs on his previous phone. said they hacked him via gmail. He even messaged one robo message back saying hey babe its been a year today. Now today I get a message form a dating site stating he activated it..and he said he didnt. I have 7 kids with him. Been married 21 years.I cant sleep, I cry..I want to beleive him and trust me I AM NOT do I get him to admit????

hemademesingle posted 7/24/2013 10:47 AM

I'm sorry you find yourself here, there is a ton of help on the SI forum,

Some never do admit to it, unless caught red handed, it's called gaslighting, self perseverance, they would rather protect themselves then to admit to the truth, the ones that don't own their actions even when confronted with proof, are the weakest cowards of them all

If your gut is telling you something is off, then it most probably is, always trust your gut, you may have to go into a stealth mode in order to catch him red handed

The Healing Library is a wealth of information,please be good to yourself, this is a very difficult time

confused615 posted 7/24/2013 10:56 AM

Put a keylogger on his computer..spyware on his phone..and a VAR in his car...and wait. You will probably have proof within 24 hours.

Im sorry.

james60 posted 7/24/2013 10:57 AM

I found E mails, from my former wife, signed by her , in her hand writing, detailing times and places of sex with several of her affair partners, presented them to her, IN THERAPY, with a trained therapist, and she denied it all! The denial doesn't get any thicker than that! Unbelievable! Seven years later, and I'm still trying to get my life back, my ability to trust back, and I'm trying to let down the very solid wall around me to the emotions that i feel. It is a journey, but we need to remember that THEY did it, we did not do it, and it makes no sense at all, in any realm of possibilities.

" Denial is not just a river in Egypt"- there is no sense to be made of a non sensical situation.

Take care of yourself, find happiness for yourself, and don't get emmeshed in his insanity.

[This message edited by james60 at 10:58 AM, July 24th (Wednesday)]

Jammy19 posted 7/24/2013 15:46 PM

Thank you so much. My gut tells me he did it. If he could be involved with the 21 year old for 9 months and keep it a secret why couldnt he be doing the rest. Anyone else catch someone gettign texts form other countries and find porn hidden adn google voice texts adn calls? one person from new york kept messaging hsi phone. I pretended to be him. she said she met me aka him in a chat room! He is in such denial. I am extremely depressed over this. I had a complete nerovus breakdown last year. Im trying to be strong and im going to therapy. he wont. If he could admit to it all then I can deal with it & choose to forgive or leave. Its not fair hes denying it.

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