It is way too early to think that she is done. Both of your emotions are all over the place right now.
Early on, my WH would lash out at me also. He would be defensive and angry at me. Of course,he was actually angry at himself, the situation, the shit-storm he had created.
With time, a LOT of work, a LOT of talking, a LOT of compassion on both of our parts, that all changed.
I used to have a mantra that I would walk and repeat, over and over.
"I can leave anytime I want to...I can leave anytime I want to.......I can..."
It would dampen the anxiety and calm me down. It was the truth, I could leave anytime I wanted to. And then I would just get through another day.
You don't have to decide anything right now. I know that JFOs hate to hear that it will take two to five years to heal from a betrayal. That is the truth though, and the truth for both of you. You just want to fix it immediately because the pain is so intense. You can see no way that you can live with that pain for a week, let alone, years. But you can, because the pain subsides with time.
We all cope with pain in different ways. Some people with rigorous exercise, medications, counselling, etc.
Myself, after rarely using alchohol in my life, I drank almost everyday for well over a year. I also finally got on anti-depressants. I hate to take any kind of medication, but the anxiety was killing me, literally.
It has been over two and a half years, and I have weaned myself off the anti-depressants and I rarely have a drink anymore.
The turning point in our early discussions was when I was able to acknowledge my part in him being unhappy with our marriage. I made it very clear that did not excuse an affair, wrong path for fixing anything, but I did understand why he was unhappy.
He relaxed a bit after that. I still had rages and ranted and raved at him, but he hung in there.
So sorry you are suffering so. It truly is HORRIBLE!