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Newest Member: Howtotrust (61551)

User Topic: Red Flags vs. Triggers - Trusting your Gut!
♀ 21966
Member # 21966
Question  Posted: 12:02 PM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have admittedly not thought this all the way through, but putting it out there anyway.

When your gut is telling you something and you are not quite sure why, how do you know if it is based on a "red flag" or a "trigger"?

My loose definition being "red flag" = based on facts and a "trigger" = based on a singular experience with someone else(even perhaps irrational, but not always)

Posts: 1111 | Registered: Dec 2008
♀ 27457
Member # 27457
Default  Posted: 12:11 PM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think depending on what it is...sometimes it can be both! When my XWH was hanging out with MOW too gut told me something was off about their "friendship" and I knew it just didn't feel right. My gut told me so. I think if it happened with a new SO, my gut would kick in again....but it would also be a trigger.

I think you hit the nail on the head.... your gut is your 6th sense...and it just let's you know when something doesn't feel right.... a stranger in a dark alley... etc... and a trigger reaction is based on your history and past experiences....

"Sometimes your knight in shining armor just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12

Posts: 2767 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
♀ 21966
Member # 21966
Default  Posted: 3:56 PM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm so confused! So hard for me to decipher the two, or at least trust my judgment enough to figure out if I am overreacting. As in, am I jumping to conclusions based on a trigger that has nothing to do with current situation or person?

For example, if XWH cheated while saying he was participating in a sport, and now your SO wants to participate in the same sport, I'm sure your gut would tell you something. Like, "the last time this happened it didn't end good" but really isn't it an irrational fear, since people participating in a particular sport doesn't really have anything to do with cheating. BUT - then your gut is saying "Something is wrong here!"

(Just a example, has nothing to do with my situation.)

Posts: 1111 | Registered: Dec 2008
♀ 32616
Member # 32616
Default  Posted: 5:18 PM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sometimes you will trigger on a red flag so the two canít be cleanly separated, but if the trigger is harmless you can learn to quiet it by finding its origin and thinking it through.

If thinking it through makes your gut scream at you, Iíd drop the trigger label and just call it a red flag. Address the issue in the here and now, know your boundaries, donít let your past even become a talking point.

ďHappiness cannot be pursued; it must ensue.Ē ― Viktor E. Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning

Posts: 3640 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: The Valley of the Sun
♀ 22722
Member # 22722
Default  Posted: 10:28 PM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Crescita nailed it.

FBW then 46, XWHNPDPAFTG the destroyer of my entire life. D-Day 1 '99, D-Day 2,3,4,5,6... '09-'11, D '15. I fell apart. I put myself back together. Forgiveness isn't required. I'm happy and healthy now, and MY new life is good.

Posts: 2074 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: California
Topic Posts: 5

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