I HATE thinking about the A. I mean, it just destroys my entire world, security, love..etc. But accepting it happened and bringing some understanding to it, helps you move forward. You can't change the past, but you can change the future.
Best wishes for you.
1) SI's rule of thumb is 2-5 years, assuming no new hurts. If life is getting better, it may just be taking you longer than the minimum.
2) What's your H doing to heal? Is he NC, in IC, honest, transparent, in MC with you? Is there something you wish he were doing that he's not?
3) Is there something else you want to do to heal? Are there issues/questions/feelings that you're stuffing instead of bringing up?
R or D, an A puts you on a hard road and I think year 2 is the worst. You might actually be turning the corner, just can't quite see the light yet.
For so many, no matter what you do, it is dealbreaker. Better for all concerned to move on. No one here can tell you what to do about that, except to say that it's best to actually decide, not just slide into one outcome or another on autopilot.
In our case, we decided the devil we knew was better than the devils we didn't. I'm so glad, but it took 5 hard years to get to feeling good again, and then over 30 years later, I got blindsided by coworkers' A and taking another ride on the roller coaster.