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Broken beyond repair

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ceilingwalker posted 7/24/2013 14:54 PM

I don't know if I am only able to speak in code here or what. I found my wife naked with another man, in my bed, three weeks ago. Found out she has been with him longer than she has known me. We are married, together for 13 years, 3 boys. The youngest boy has autism and she was doing this with our son less than 10 feet away, only separated by a wall. I trusted her like no one else! I have been loyal to her, never even allowed myself to be alone with another woman, even at work, for 13 years. This is what loyalty gets you. I feel broken inside and no way of repairing it. I would have laid down my life for this woman!

Violetta posted 7/24/2013 15:25 PM

I'm so, so sorry.

There are lots of great people here who can help you get through this tough time.

1Faith posted 7/24/2013 15:51 PM

I am so sorry you have found yourself here. A club no one ever thought or wanted to join.

Please know that this is a safe place filled with wonderful and caring people who have survived the devastation of infidelity.

There is no way to prepare you for the hurt the despair. It is indescribable unless you go through it.

Write and post often. It will help to vent if nothing else.

Your hurt and dismay is completely understandable. It's normal as much as it hurts.

Please know that the affair is your wife's to own. Her choice, her decision. Regardless of what is going on in the marriage there is NO excuse to cheat. Ever.

Please make your way to the Healing Library at the upper left hand corner. Read, read and read. Knowledge is comfort and power.

My other suggestion is get into IC as fast as you can. You will need help wrapping your head around all of this and navigating the waters moving forward. IC can be a tremendous help.

How is your wife responding to you since you caught her? Any remorse?

Sending healing hugs and prayers your way.

ceilingwalker posted 7/24/2013 22:33 PM

I have never dealt with emotions like this before! I would rather go back to war than have this happen to me. What I don't get is, if I mention anything about what she has done in the past, she gets upset and tells me she is taking our boys and leaving, a threat that has worked effectively for anything she wants from me. She knows that is my weakness! She is the one that says she can't trust me! Can you believe that??? Our counselor even told her she doesn't know how lucky she was that I even went to counseling. He told her that usually the spouse that has been wronged just leaves the relationship. I have never felt a pain like this before, ever! When the man was putting on his pants I grabbed him by the throat. I don't know why but I let go and went for my 9mm pistol, loaded it. When he seen that he ran from my house so fast his feet slid out from underneath him and he cracked his ribs and broke his foot. He didn't even close the door on the way out. This is the weird part, I went into my bedroom, loaded pistol in hand, told my wife to get dressed, and pointed the gun at my head. Why in the hell would I do that? It's things like this that I don't understand. It scared me because I wanted to do it and I have never ever thought I could do something like that. My wife wrestled the gun from me, I literally fell to the floor and wept, and wept, and wept. She was my world. I loved no one ever as I loved her. What makes one think they can do this to the one person they promise at the alter not to cheat on? Now I have to walk on egg shells and carefully select my words or SHE gets upset. When I read someone here describe it as a rollercoaster ride, that was spot on! I don't know if I can survive this. It has been 3 weeks and the pain is as bad or worse!

Blackhair posted 7/24/2013 22:57 PM

((( Ceilingwalker))))

Sorry to hear about what you are going through right now, it is the toughest thing, I just had the similar experience, we can not describe in words the pain and the hurt it caused us.

However we will never figure out why, all we can do is to care for ourself, at this moment our spouses won't care what our feelings are.
But you can go through this and when the time comes you can look back be proud that she does not deserve a good man like you.

This is a great places you can get great advice and support!

[This message edited by Blackhair at 10:58 PM, July 24th (Wednesday)]

nowiknow23 posted 7/25/2013 07:28 AM

ceilingwalker - I am so very sorry. Betrayal is its own special level of hell. And the surreal experience you had of finding them together is beyond comprehension.

I am so very glad you did not follow through on that impulse and that you are here with us now.

If you are having thoughts of suicide or harming yourself, please reach out for help. It is a sign of strength, not weakness, to seek out help in a crisis. I know you are strong just based on you finding us and posting your story. There are so many people ready and willing to support you.

The Veteran's crisis line: 1 (800) 273 8255

National suicide prevention: 1-800-273-8255

Your wife has made choices through your entire relationship that fly in the face of what your commitment and marriage vows mean. Those choices do NOT reflect on you - they are solely about her and her own damage.

I'm sending you strength and comfort in the certainty that you are NOT broken beyond repair, honey. No matter what the future holds, you can and will survive this, find your happiness, and thrive. It truly will happen.

But for now? You need to focus on taking care of yourself. You have suffered a trauma - treat yourself accordingly.


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