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Where do the kids from the A fit in?

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Aries posted 7/24/2013 15:48 PM

I found out about this A some years ago. I should have known. I mean the writing was on the wall. The WS is a very convincing liar. What a travesty. The info about the kids leaked out one at a time. I mean first I found out about one and then later accidently learned about the other. My struggle now is how to accept the kids. The WS has accepted responsibility. I still feel very much in the dark and full of hatred. I am in the dark because I have chosen to turn my face to this ugly situation. I want no part, no knowledge and no involvement as to what happens with this part of my WS life. Yet, I maintain my marriage. Secretly, I wonder how much longer this can go on? It's one thing to have an affair it's another to have kids that are a constant reminder of the A. Here is the question, am I supposed to let the kids in to our life as if nothing happened? Am I supposed to feel loving toward them? Why should I include and allow them into our home, when all I feel is B? They are a product of an awful chapter in our marriage. However, this horror story will be part of our relationship for the rest of our married life. It's a sentence. Logically, I know it is not their fault but I don't think I will appreciate the idea of having my face rubbed in the muck. Where do the kids fit in?

misskirby posted 7/24/2013 15:51 PM

Hello Aries. I believe that if you go to the "I Can Relate" forum, there is a thread for people dealing with children born of the affair. I'm very sorry that this is your situation. I would think there are people in that thread who would have similar experiences and could help you.

Aries posted 7/24/2013 15:57 PM

Thanks for the heads up. :0)I knew that there would be a spot for this conversation.

nowiknow23 posted 7/24/2013 17:04 PM

Welcome to SI, Aries.

Children of an affair are often referred to as OC - other children.

There is no doubt that the feelings surrounding OC are complicated. The first thing to know is that there is no right answer. Some people welcome the OC into their lives, and others keep them completely separate. No one can make that call but you, and you will find support here no matter what you decide.

nowiknow23 posted 7/24/2013 17:08 PM

Here's a link to the thread, Aries.

Aries posted 7/24/2013 17:29 PM

Thanks, Nik. I find it comforting to be able to vent about my conflicted feelings. I have been looking for a "safe" place. I know I am ultimately going to have to make the call to include the OC or not. At this time, I feel very unwelcoming to the OC so I know it sounds heartless but I think it best to stay away.
Would you happen to know how I go about posting in, I Can Relate, I did not see a place to put in a new topic.

DoneWithLove posted 7/24/2013 18:01 PM

That's the deal breaker for me. I told my H that if he ever gets contacted for paternity testing, im gone regardless of the outcome. I shouldn't have had to go through this in the first place so if the situation ever does arise, he knows the drill. Id say, dont put yourselves through that. If shes anything like every immature AP, she will probably make a big deal about how you treat her kids. You wont be able to fix anything with a third wheel holding you back. You only live once and deserve to have a happy life, so never let anyone else makes your life hard if it doesn't have to be. Good luck

Aries posted 7/24/2013 19:32 PM

Just as a side note, I am originally from "the mitten state". I appreciate your thoughts. I question the vows "for better for worse" but this is not something I signed up for. I find it hard to live with this wedge in our M. Still struggling with how to continue and taking it day by day.

nowiknow23 posted 7/24/2013 19:44 PM

Would you happen to know how I go about posting in, I Can Relate, I did not see a place to put in a new topic.
The threads in ICR are different than in other forums. They can only be started by a moderator.

You can just jump on the OC thread and post. There's a community on that thread that are all dealing with the same issue. When the thread gets full (after 1000 posts) a new one is started for the same topic.

SuperSadWife posted 7/24/2013 19:47 PM

I would go postal on all of her family!!!

DoneWithLove posted 7/24/2013 19:51 PM

I understand the vows thing but my FWH didn't really take any of it seriously, for better or worse, that didn't matter. That's why I know I wouldnt be able to accept it if he had a child with the OW. You got screwed bad, not once or twice but three times. At that point I would really start thinking about my own happiness and what I want for my life. My happiness would not include accepting the OWs A children. If you dont have kids with him then you have the opertunity for a clean break, if so then of course do what's best for your children, A or not. It becomes your job to reassure them that they still have one selfless parent. Good luck

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