Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-

SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

like us on facebook
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: Giupeppe (46032)

User Topic: Abbondad Part 4...
Abbondad
♂ 37898
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 4:52 PM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi, Everyone,

Now that I have FINALLY, officially filed--thanks to nearly a year of prodding and pummeling from you wonderful, relentless people ;-) I am starting a new thread to reflect the next step in my saga.

Thanks to everyone for your continuing support!


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1693 | Registered: Dec 2012
LonelyHusband
♂ 34145
Member # 34145
Default  Posted: 5:07 PM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

thank f**k for that. Now you will start to see light at the end of the tunnel for you and the kids. The next few weeks and months will be very scary, but you WILL get through it, and will wonder at the end why you struggled for so long with such a heavy weight on your back. One of these days you will post in here and say "OMG I feel like a new man, like someone has just taken a rock off my back" and I can't wait to see it. I'll be here to applaud.

The rules now are simple

Your response to emails / texts / phone calls etc is

"You need to contact me through my lawyer"

that's the ONLY way to stop her from continuing to stick emotional daggers in your heart. Now is the time to go No contact. She has zero right and zero excuse to communicate with you about anything other than logistics for the kids.

[This message edited by LonelyHusband at 5:08 PM, July 24th (Wednesday)]


BS ( me) 41
fWS (OktoberMest) 35
D day #1 29/10/2011, D day #2 15/112011, D day #3 15/03/2012
Reconciling.
Its better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all, is inadequate consolation when you vacuum up a child's hamster'

Posts: 1290 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: UK
want_to_forgive
♀ 20470
Member # 20470
Default  Posted: 5:23 PM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Abbondad, I have never posted on your threads because you were already getting all the advice you needed, but I have followed your story. Just wanted to pop in and say CONGRATULATIONS!

I was in limbo in my marriage for years, it was miserable. Finally got divorced in April, I couldn't be happier! I love my new life out of that toxic relationship. You will get there too.


M 11 years
Me: BS 38 Him: WS
DDay June 2006, LTA BFFOW
Divorced April 5, 2013
Not making a decision is making a decision.

Posts: 534 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Alaska
phillygirl
♀ 9078
Member # 9078
Default  Posted: 5:38 PM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've followed your story.

Just wanted to drop by and say...

Woot!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You are doing so well!!! Pat yourself on the back and keep it up.


Me - BW
Him - WH
Divorced - 7/2013

Posts: 827 | Registered: Dec 2005
h0peless
♂ 36697
Member # 36697
Default  Posted: 5:40 PM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Proud of you, Abbondad!

Posts: 1851 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Baja Arizona
heartbroken_kk
♀ 22722
Member # 22722
Default  Posted: 5:49 PM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Whew!

I'm so impressed with you Abbondad! Well done

Please keep your seatbelt buckled; you are expecting some turbulence ahead while climbing to cruising altitude.

The weather forecast for your destination is sunny and mild with light breezes. Your SI attendants will be by shortly with a selection of refreshing beverages and hugs.


BW then 46, STBXWHNPDPAFTG the destroyer of my entire life.
D-Day 1 1999, D-Day 2,3,4,5,6... 2009 thru 2011.

Separated, divorcing, moving on.
I edit because I always make typos.


Posts: 1254 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: California
cjonesjag
♀ 10617
Member # 10617
Default  Posted: 6:27 PM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


YAY! Good for you!


Me (BS):50
Him(WTFH):51 Married: 05/26/2002
DD#1: 09/2005 (EA) DD#2: 09/2006
Mini-DDays: Many. Mostly online
DIVORCED 10/20/10
It's not what you've got, it's what you give.
It ain't the life you choose, it's the life you live

Posts: 6400 | Registered: May 2006 | From: Michigan
IrishLass518
♀ 34373
Member # 34373
Default  Posted: 6:35 PM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What a big step for you Abbondad. This takes such strength. The others are right, refer to lawyer for any of her questions and do not succumb to the hoovering and the roller coaster ticket she will offer you. Stay strong


Me: 46 BS Divorced
Him: 45 Married OW
DDay: 07/04/2008
Divorced: 06/15/2011
5 kids: IrishLass 27,IrishLad 25, IrishLass 23, IrishLad 21 and IrishLad 12
"You can't run from trouble..there ain't no place that far"

Posts: 1815 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: WA
devistatedmom
♀ 24961
Member # 24961
Default  Posted: 6:43 PM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm thrilled the lawyer gave you such positive news and that you are going ahead!

Hey...what did the lawyer say about her moving back in?


BS(me) 46, Two wonderful teens.
He is no longer my best friend. Repeat until it sticks.

WH says marriage is over: May 15, 2009.
EA#2 July 20, 2009. Legally sep: Aug 16, 2009. DIVORCED!!!! Signed Nov 23, final Dec 24, 2010, adultery listed.


Posts: 5626 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: Canada
Abbondad
♂ 37898
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 7:07 PM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks, Everyone. I couldn't have done it without all of you, my exasperated brother, and my incredible therapist, who called me personally today to let me know she is in my corner and to please call her any time.

(If you recall, she was also my STBXWW's therapist and our MC. I knew the whole time she saw just how horribly I was being abused yet could not say anything until my wife stopped seeing her. Which she did one day when my/our therapist dared to imply that maybe my wife should stop having an affair and instead devote her energy to her family, who are in a great deal of pain. My wife stood up and declared, "I don't have to be attacked like this," and never returned.)

Hey...what did the lawyer say about her moving back

Temporary use of the marital home? Yes, she's going to file for it, but it takes like two months.

I don't believe she will actually move in, but if she does, there really isn't anything I can do about it. And if she does, it would certainly weaken/destroy her case if she starts with the "he's abusive" bullshit.

Basically she doesn't have a leg to stand on. My attorney said if she is smart and listens to her attorney, she will keep her mouth shut and just settle.



Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1693 | Registered: Dec 2012
openedupmyeyes
♀ 27871
Member # 27871
Default  Posted: 7:15 PM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bravo Abbondad. Bravo


Me:55 BS
Him:55 FWH Trying to make me a believer?
Years married:37
:03-01-10: The day I learned the truth
Kids:Daughters 4 all grown and married.
Reconciliation is hard.
Really freakin' hard.

Posts: 767 | Registered: Mar 2010 | From: The Great State of Texas
Grace and Flowers
♀ 34431
Member # 34431
Default  Posted: 7:19 PM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

And so are you having her served? Sorry if I missed where you posted which method you had decided on.

So glad you jumped this hurdle today. You still have much to go through, but at least now you don't have to deal with her directly.

Good luck!


I'm Happy, not Sad!

Posts: 1218 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: US
Abbondad
♂ 37898
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 7:29 PM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

do not succumb to the hoovering and the roller coaster ticket she will offer...

Oh, I know her better than she knows herself. There will be no more hoovering ever again once she is served. Nothing but viciousness, vindictiveness, and malice from now on.

But truly I have never felt stronger. Not one tear shed in almost a week--for the first time in a year. Thank god. One of my worst fears through all this has always been that there is something wrong with me--that I should not be THIS devastated, joined by the fear that I will never feel anything BUT this pain.

And really it didn't matter what truths all of you were saying to rebut me. (Not to diminish anyone's advice; you were all right, all the time). Ultimately I had to go through it on my own timeline.

There were so many "tipping points" along the way that made me threaten--and then back down from--divorce. I just needed ONE more punch. I just didn't know what it would be. And it turned out to be my little boy seeing that disgusting picture. It just really gave that lightbulb its final twist.

My mind calmly clicked and said, "OK, that's quite enough." And it finally was. Quiet fury--and no longer for myself--took the place of all other emotions.


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1693 | Registered: Dec 2012
thenon-goddess
♀ 31229
Member # 31229
Default  Posted: 7:30 PM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

AD, I'm proud of you. You've come a long way! Reading through your posts and the replies is also what gave me a nudge to get out from under the limbo stick. You done good


Status: divorcing - I can see the light at the end of the tunnel!

Posts: 1255 | Registered: Feb 2011
Abbondad
♂ 37898
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 7:31 PM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

And so are you having her served?

My attorney asks me how I prefer to have it done. We decided that my attorney herself would call her personally, in her best hardass voice. I like that.


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1693 | Registered: Dec 2012
5454real
♂ 37455
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 8:27 PM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good job, nay, great job brother.

Careful, all her weapons are NOT depleted. She installed a lot of buttons. Guard your heart well.

Strength


BH 51, WW 42
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 21(Hers),DS 9 Ours, DGS 3, DGD 1 mo
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 3304 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
FaithFool
♀ 20150
Member # 20150
Default  Posted: 8:34 PM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

*standing O*


DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire

Posts: 17791 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Canada
lostmommy
♀ 33440
Member # 33440
Default  Posted: 8:53 PM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am so proud of you! You've come a long way. This will not be an easy road, but you're more than halfway there. Keep up the GREAT work.


Me (BS): 32, Mommy to J: 2 1/2 Divorced: 4/10/13
Sometimes you find yourself in the middle of nowhere, and sometimes, in the middle of nowhere, you find yourself

Posts: 485 | Registered: Sep 2011 | From: NY
ButterflyGirl
♀ 38377
Member # 38377
Default  Posted: 9:10 PM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Congrats dad. You've taken a huge step in protecting yourself..

Basically she doesn't have a leg to stand on. My attorney said if she is smart and listens to her attorney, she will keep her mouth shut and just settle.

Any chance she could give my POS that advice? It's costing me more than it should to crack the lies he's holding himself up with..

Lots of hugs dad.. You've come a long way.. I guess I should feel lucky it only took a month for him to throw the punch that broke it for good.. I agree that naked pic should have been the final straw for you.. Absolutely horrified for you and the kids.. More hugs to you all..


xBW~ 35
Two DS~ 7-Eleven
"I've wiped the shit off. It can be wiped off you know." ~ asurvivor

Posts: 2724 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Florida, USA
velveteer
♂ 30997
Member # 30997
Default  Posted: 3:06 AM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

AD well done mate, well done. Very proud of you indeed!

Stay strong
V


Divorced

Posts: 877 | Registered: Jan 2011
Topic Posts: 965
Pages: 1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 6 · 7 · 8 · 9 · 10 · 11 · 12 · 13 · 14 · 15 · 16 · 17 · 18 · 19 · 20 · 21 · 22 · 23 · 24 · 25 · 26 · 27 · 28 · 29 · 30 · 31 · 32 · 33 · 34 · 35 · 36 · 37 · 38 · 39 · 40 · 41 · 42 · 43 · 44 · 45 · 46 · 47 · 48 · 49

Return to Forum This Topic is Archived
adultry
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.