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Abbondad Part 4...

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Abbondad posted 7/24/2013 16:52 PM

Hi, Everyone,

Now that I have FINALLY, officially filed--thanks to nearly a year of prodding and pummeling from you wonderful, relentless people ;-) I am starting a new thread to reflect the next step in my saga.

Thanks to everyone for your continuing support!

LonelyHusband posted 7/24/2013 17:07 PM

thank f**k for that. Now you will start to see light at the end of the tunnel for you and the kids. The next few weeks and months will be very scary, but you WILL get through it, and will wonder at the end why you struggled for so long with such a heavy weight on your back. One of these days you will post in here and say "OMG I feel like a new man, like someone has just taken a rock off my back" and I can't wait to see it. I'll be here to applaud.

The rules now are simple

Your response to emails / texts / phone calls etc is

"You need to contact me through my lawyer"

that's the ONLY way to stop her from continuing to stick emotional daggers in your heart. Now is the time to go No contact. She has zero right and zero excuse to communicate with you about anything other than logistics for the kids.

[This message edited by LonelyHusband at 5:08 PM, July 24th (Wednesday)]

want_to_forgive posted 7/24/2013 17:23 PM

Abbondad, I have never posted on your threads because you were already getting all the advice you needed, but I have followed your story. Just wanted to pop in and say CONGRATULATIONS!

I was in limbo in my marriage for years, it was miserable. Finally got divorced in April, I couldn't be happier! I love my new life out of that toxic relationship. You will get there too.

phillygirl posted 7/24/2013 17:38 PM

I've followed your story.

Just wanted to drop by and say...


You are doing so well!!! Pat yourself on the back and keep it up.

h0peless posted 7/24/2013 17:40 PM

Proud of you, Abbondad!

heartbroken_kk posted 7/24/2013 17:49 PM


I'm so impressed with you Abbondad! Well done

Please keep your seatbelt buckled; you are expecting some turbulence ahead while climbing to cruising altitude.

The weather forecast for your destination is sunny and mild with light breezes. Your SI attendants will be by shortly with a selection of refreshing beverages and hugs.

cjonesjag posted 7/24/2013 18:27 PM

YAY! Good for you!

IrishLass518 posted 7/24/2013 18:35 PM

What a big step for you Abbondad. This takes such strength. The others are right, refer to lawyer for any of her questions and do not succumb to the hoovering and the roller coaster ticket she will offer you. Stay strong

devistatedmom posted 7/24/2013 18:43 PM

I'm thrilled the lawyer gave you such positive news and that you are going ahead!

Hey...what did the lawyer say about her moving back in?

Abbondad posted 7/24/2013 19:07 PM

Thanks, Everyone. I couldn't have done it without all of you, my exasperated brother, and my incredible therapist, who called me personally today to let me know she is in my corner and to please call her any time.

(If you recall, she was also my STBXWW's therapist and our MC. I knew the whole time she saw just how horribly I was being abused yet could not say anything until my wife stopped seeing her. Which she did one day when my/our therapist dared to imply that maybe my wife should stop having an affair and instead devote her energy to her family, who are in a great deal of pain. My wife stood up and declared, "I don't have to be attacked like this," and never returned.)

Hey...what did the lawyer say about her moving back

Temporary use of the marital home? Yes, she's going to file for it, but it takes like two months.

I don't believe she will actually move in, but if she does, there really isn't anything I can do about it. And if she does, it would certainly weaken/destroy her case if she starts with the "he's abusive" bullshit.

Basically she doesn't have a leg to stand on. My attorney said if she is smart and listens to her attorney, she will keep her mouth shut and just settle.

openedupmyeyes posted 7/24/2013 19:15 PM

Bravo Abbondad. Bravo

Grace and Flowers posted 7/24/2013 19:19 PM

And so are you having her served? Sorry if I missed where you posted which method you had decided on.

So glad you jumped this hurdle today. You still have much to go through, but at least now you don't have to deal with her directly.

Good luck!

Abbondad posted 7/24/2013 19:29 PM

do not succumb to the hoovering and the roller coaster ticket she will offer...

Oh, I know her better than she knows herself. There will be no more hoovering ever again once she is served. Nothing but viciousness, vindictiveness, and malice from now on.

But truly I have never felt stronger. Not one tear shed in almost a week--for the first time in a year. Thank god. One of my worst fears through all this has always been that there is something wrong with me--that I should not be THIS devastated, joined by the fear that I will never feel anything BUT this pain.

And really it didn't matter what truths all of you were saying to rebut me. (Not to diminish anyone's advice; you were all right, all the time). Ultimately I had to go through it on my own timeline.

There were so many "tipping points" along the way that made me threaten--and then back down from--divorce. I just needed ONE more punch. I just didn't know what it would be. And it turned out to be my little boy seeing that disgusting picture. It just really gave that lightbulb its final twist.

My mind calmly clicked and said, "OK, that's quite enough." And it finally was. Quiet fury--and no longer for myself--took the place of all other emotions.

thenon-goddess posted 7/24/2013 19:30 PM

AD, I'm proud of you. You've come a long way! Reading through your posts and the replies is also what gave me a nudge to get out from under the limbo stick. You done good

Abbondad posted 7/24/2013 19:31 PM

And so are you having her served?

My attorney asks me how I prefer to have it done. We decided that my attorney herself would call her personally, in her best hardass voice. I like that.

5454real posted 7/24/2013 20:27 PM

Good job, nay, great job brother.

Careful, all her weapons are NOT depleted. She installed a lot of buttons. Guard your heart well.


FaithFool posted 7/24/2013 20:34 PM

*standing O*

lostmommy posted 7/24/2013 20:53 PM

I am so proud of you! You've come a long way. This will not be an easy road, but you're more than halfway there. Keep up the GREAT work.

ButterflyGirl posted 7/24/2013 21:10 PM

Congrats dad. You've taken a huge step in protecting yourself..

Basically she doesn't have a leg to stand on. My attorney said if she is smart and listens to her attorney, she will keep her mouth shut and just settle.

Any chance she could give my POS that advice? It's costing me more than it should to crack the lies he's holding himself up with..

Lots of hugs dad.. You've come a long way.. I guess I should feel lucky it only took a month for him to throw the punch that broke it for good.. I agree that naked pic should have been the final straw for you.. Absolutely horrified for you and the kids.. More hugs to you all..

velveteer posted 7/25/2013 03:06 AM

AD well done mate, well done. Very proud of you indeed!

Stay strong

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