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ArableSands posted 7/24/2013 18:10 PM

Today has been the most horrible day yet, after the day of discovery 3 weeks ago.

She's been pretty solid up until today. Today she's been tired, snippy and completely silent online. Normally she sends me an "I love you" or an "I'm sorry" in text or chat at least a couple of times a day. Nothing today. Yet this morning she told me that she loves me and wants our marriage to work and that she'd do anything she can to make it work. I went home for lunch and she was near me, and cuddly and loving. But nothing online. Normally she tells me where she is.

I'm fighting a huge ball of ice in my chest, tears stinging my eyes, and if we weren't going to our first MC session tomorrow I'd be calling a lawyer.

Don't know what to do. Don't know at all.

TxsT posted 7/24/2013 18:27 PM

Well just hold off one more day and talk to the MC. Then make an appoinment for you to see them alone. The single most important thing I remember from the first 2 weeks after DDay was my MC telling me to figure out what makes me feel safe and ask my WS for that. It has been so helpful. I did not know this website existed until today. I am now in month 10 after DDay and it would have been a blessing to have others help me through some of the worst days!

ArableSands posted 7/24/2013 18:30 PM

Thanks so much TxsT.

Another questions for all:

I keep seeing people say "Don't make rash decisions about your marriage while you're in the throes of pain or in the early days."

Does that actually mean "Don't decide to divorce until time has passed," or does it mean "Don't decide either stay or divorce until time has passed"?

The impression I'm getting is most betrayed spouse's rash decisions are to divorce early on.

TxsT posted 7/24/2013 18:38 PM

My advice is to not make any decision either way. How can you??? Every situation is different and no one else can tell you how yours should be. But what you should do first and formost is make you feel better. Once you feel better then start worrying about the bigger picture. This will be a life changing decision, which ever way you decide. To stay is huge work, to go is in some ways too easy. If you go before getting to the bottem of what was worng inside your marriage you run the risk of finding something simmilar in the future.

For me, 34 years of hard work, kids, memories and love is not something I want to take lightly. Give yourself time to heal personally, you wont regret it.

ItsNotUitsMe posted 7/24/2013 20:01 PM

I believe that the advice not to make big decisions right away is in regard to the future being so unstable.

I don't think it necessarily means divorce vs reconciliation, but includes making large purchases like a car or a house. You have to take in consideration that your lifestyle may change, and what might seem good for the moment, might not be suitable in a month or year from now. Also, decisions can mean changes, which could likely add more unnecessary stress when you have other things to focus on.

I also want to add, that if someone decides that an A is a deal breaker early on, it doesn't necessarily mean that the decision to divorce is a rash one. Sometimes the writing is clearly on the wall, other times, its not as easy to read (or we don't want to read it)

[This message edited by ItsNotUitsMe at 8:04 PM, July 24th (Wednesday)]