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suckstobeme posted 7/24/2013 19:44 PM

I do. As much as I hate this whole situation and now, for the most part, hurt for my children, I find that I have blocked out so much over the past almost three years.

We are watching a movie about a little dog. My oldest mentioned the dog that we used to have and then it all came back. We had that little,dog for a long time, even before we were married. And when I asked WH - who had moved out but was not yet my ex - to help me the night I had to put him down, that mother fucker told me no. He knew the dog was suffering horribly and that I couldn't wait until morning or drive alone with him. He also knew I had the kids at home with me. He couldn't even be bothered to help me and help make it less traumatic for the kids. So, we wrapped him in a blanket, and my mom drove us all to the animal hospital at midnight. I had to say goodbye while my kids waited in the car.

Shit like this just makes me pissed and is likely why my mind has thankfully blocked it. Don't really have any other point.

Feeling Consumed posted 7/24/2013 19:56 PM

There are many days that I wish I could block out the hurt. Be grateful you have that ability - it seems to be a great self-sustaining tool.

And your ex sounds like a real piece of work. Wow, you dodged a bullet on this one.

thenon-goddess posted 7/24/2013 22:22 PM

That's what I have done with most of it - blocked it. I think I am on the wrong "healing" path by doing that...I guess I mean, I don't feel like its really healing at all. I am fine most of the time, feel very strong. But every now and again I have one of those days and all of the crap comes back up. I finally filed yesterday and instead of feeling strong and purposeful, I cried like a baby. I definitely think stuffing it away was the wrong thing to do, but I'm not sure how to deal with it piece by piece. Definitely need to get my butt back to IC.

Housefulloflove posted 7/25/2013 01:36 AM

The intense anger and disgust I feel for him often blocks out the sadness.

He makes so many absolutely stupid and self-destructive decisions that it makes no longer being legally attached to him the silver lining to this dark cloud he created over us.

brokenandconfuse posted 7/25/2013 15:05 PM

I block out a lot also. When I had to write up the restraining order it was overwhelming going back through everything. Very traumatic.I know it is not the right way to deal with it, but there is so much hurt that I can't deal with it. It literally puts me in bed for hours or days unless I block it out. I will be doing EMDR and I truly hope it helps. We do what we can. A person can only handle so much.

tryingagain74 posted 7/25/2013 15:57 PM

I'm sure that I do to some extent. I think that I just need time and more distance. We had so much ugliness thrown at us at once; I think it's inevitable that we have to squash some of it down for now until we can face each issue one at a time. It's just too much at once.