SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

musiclovingmom posted 7/24/2013 22:12 PM

My H and I are in a really good place. We're sharing thoughts and emotions. He's digging through his stuff and actually talking to me about it. I took a big step forward for me in that I made the decision to forgive him (yeah, I forgave him for me - that's the only person I was hurting by hanging on to the bitterness and the anger). I found a lot of me returned when I did that. I've done more to my yard and my house than I have been. And, I WANT to do it. My zeal for doing things with my kids has returned (we haven't sat at home a single day this week). However, I'm still struggling with some anxiety about the possibility of running into one of the 2 OW who live here. In fact, last night at a park party, I saw a co-worker of LTA OW and I spent the rest of the evening gripping the stroller, scanning the crowds, looking over my shoulder and planning an exit route. I hate feeling like that. This is my town, my home, and I want to be able to enjoy it without this looming over me. Any ideas? (BTW, I did have a visual of one OW a month or so ago while I was in the car with my H. I had to fight hard against the urge to jerk his steering wheel so he'd hit her and I spent the rest of the day feeling nauseous. I'm very concerned about running into one of them without my H running interference - he had both hands on the wheel and his left foot hovering over the brake).

AFrayedKnot posted 7/24/2013 23:22 PM

(((Hugs)))

I'm sorry you are struggling. I feel the same way. We live a pretty busy road and the OM lives about 6 miles up the road. Every time I take out the trash or get the mail my stomach knots up. I still can't relax and enjoy myself in town. We spend most of our time out in surrounding towns now. Its so worth not having the anxiety

Stillhurting1977 posted 7/25/2013 00:03 AM

I know exactly how you feel. I have since moved but we lived in a small town and everyone knew about the A.
I was constantly worried about bumping into her at the grocery store, at the movies, at the pubs....everywhere.
I did attend one of my STBX s work parties and she was there. It actually felt pretty good bc she was so terrified it actually relaxed me. I knew I was a better person then her, I was looking good and I had our beautiful son with me. I had fun at the party with the other wives and she sat there in the same spot shaking in her boots. She was a howorker of course.
Keep your head up high because trust me YOU have nothing to be ashamed of, it is her who should be humiliated.
Talk your anxieties over with her WH as it sounds like he is supportive and come up with a plan together of what you will do if you run into him.
I know how hard this can be. You can do this, hugs !!!

rachelc posted 7/25/2013 08:01 AM

This happens to me, although its getting better. Our MC says if you move it would be for one reason when you have 20 good reasons to stay. Thing is, feeling safe is a VERY big reason. I know if it gets too hard I will move, with him or without. Life is too short to have to worry about what is around the corner. Some would say well don't worry then. I'm not that good st controlling my feelings yet. Seeing them still feels like I've been hit by a truck!
Hugs to you.

Jennifer99 posted 7/25/2013 09:18 AM

WH wants to move.

I want to be able to go up to the OW and go and flip her off.

I'm learning a LOT about self-control that I thought I already knew.

musiclovingmom posted 7/25/2013 11:07 AM

Moving isn't an option. I share custody with my ex husband and moving more than 10 miles requires written notice to him and he can fight even that in court. And, going to neighboring towns is a good idea, except that our tri- city area are the only towns for 45 miles (and she frequents the town that is only 45 miles away). We're small, rather rural and decently isolated - things I've always loved about this place.

BFFGone posted 7/25/2013 19:37 PM

I have similar issues too.

The OW and her family frequent an amusement area my family goes to, and I honestly think I would not be able to control myself if I saw her.

I vacillate between the fantasy of how I would destroy her, and anxiety over the reality of it.

Working with my C on anger management and anxiety control...also remember, they are more scared to see us!!

AFrayedKnot posted 7/25/2013 19:47 PM

Every so often I stop at a convenience store right around the corner from the OMs house on my way home. Every time it has been an anxiety/violent fantacy experience.

Today I stopped there full of confidence and at ease. It was the first time and it felt great.

It gets better

torn2pieces posted 7/26/2013 06:55 AM

Sorry you have to go thru this. The own lives in our town and I see her all the time. I use to have a really hard time and would feel ill. I still want to smack her but she's not worth it and then she will get something of me and that's not happening anymore.it will get better but it still sucks especially when they are so ignorant and have no freeking filter....I think some still enjoy the drama and want to keep it going on. Hang in there!