I agree with him that you need to let him go, but not for his selfish reasons. It's scary to think about being alone, and having a life partner seems like its own form of security even if they're not treating you well... but it's NOT better just to be with anyone.
The truth is, the odds of you finding someone to treat you BETTER than he did are really good, because he wasn't very good to you as it turns out.
I'm glad you found us. Hopefully you can get some solace and hope as you talk with members who have been in your shoes and are doing much better now.
Sending hugs and strength.
Me: BW 35
Crazz: WH 33
Daughter: 4.5 Going on 16
Expect the behaviour to continue and, most likely, escalate. Your WH and OW will close ranks and unite. The best thing you can do is ignore as much as you can, rise above it and know that your morals are better than theirs. And in a way, you can feel sorry for them. For WH for being such a fool (and we all know there is no fool like an old fool) falling for flattery from a girl so many years his junior. For OW for being materialistic and foolish enough to get pregnant, thereby restricting her future with some other decent man. It’s quite pathetic really.
There is a thread in the I Can Relate forum entitled “When A WS Leaves For Their OP” which you might find useful and supportive. Read all you can in the Healing Library and especially on implementing the 180. Here’s the link:
Also read Great Posts for Newbies in this forum, Just Found Out. There is some good stuff there too.
Be gentle with yourself but know it does get better. Are you in IC?
I am so sorry you are hurting. Unfortunately it may take a long time to process all you have been through the last couple of years. Your XH sounds incredibly insensitive ( and just plain foolish) to say the least. Keep reading here, the people on SI are very wise and compassionate. If you are not in IC I would recommend you find someone to help you through this difficult time. Stand up for yourself and do not let him get away with giving you less alimony. You deserve to be happy.
no im not in ic. sometimes i feel like i need to because if i dont im going to lose my mind. but than i hold my head up and think if the x gets this info. than thats one more power point he gets on this old gal. i will make it through this, knowing that one day he will get his. two inmoral people having a relationship together a daughter and a daddy relationship, i can just see them now, or better yet wish i could be a fly upon their wall. she gets to be treated like a spoiled little girl, and lets face it he got his son. so both are using each other for their own selfish reasons.
I'm trying to be gentle here, but there's a 2x4 for you.
Please read what you wrote here. You used the word "I" eight times, but none of this post is about you. It's all about him.
Hon, he's gone. He doesn't matter any more.
IC would be very good for you. If he finds out? FTG.
It's for you. Maybe you could heal without help, but IC is a way to really speed up the process, and make sure you dig into the dirty little corners to clean things up.