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Newest Member: Herself (45715)

User Topic: Need some advice please...
hatetheworld
♀ 37494
Member # 37494
Default  Posted: 9:08 AM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ok, I finally kicked my WH out on July 3rd when I caught him planning to meet a 20 year old after he got off work at 2am for sex, which apparently wasn't the first time. Shouldn't be suprised but I was...

Anyways, things have been weird. He is super nice most of the time but will blow up at me for stupid things all in the same conversation. He has asked me out on a "date" at the SAME time he is on a dating web site talking to another girl. He accuses me of stalking him but I am pretty sure he has tracking on my cell phone. He offers me money to help catch up bills but yells at me for sucking him dry of his money.

Anyways, there is absolutely NO chance of us getting back together, he actually asked me yesturday when we are going to start the divorce process after asking me the other day if we were "really over"

I haven't asked for CS yet but will be filing as soon as he helps me catch my car up. I know that sounds bad but I am really behind and cant catch it up myself as a waitress and can't lose my car!

I am trying to come up with some terms for the divorce papers. I have an appointment for a consult with the best attorney in town but I am looking for some advice in the meantime. What are some standard "regulations" to put into the papers? I have a few things but I have no idea where to start with all of this.

~I want there to be NO person of the opposite sex who is unrelated to be able to stay the night at his house.

~I will be asking for $600 a month CS for 3 children. I know I could get WAY more but this is all I want to help me out

~ He is supposed to have them 50% of the time right now but has been waiting as late as he possibly can to pick them up and dropping them off the night before he is supposed to. I am going to ask for 60/40 visitation... Is that fair?

~We don't have any material items to split and what we did we already split so I am not worried about that. We do have 2 dogs. He is getting one of them that I don't want to ever be rehomed so I am going to put it in the papers, something about me getting the dog back if it comes down to it being rehomed. Is that reasonable?

~All School related costs should be split evenly. How should I word that? Or should I specify what he should pay for and what I should pay for?

~My job doesnt offer insurance and since I don't have a career yet because I worked for him to go to school, I won't have an opportunity to get them insurance through a job. Should I make him responsible for providing insurance through his job or should I just buy a policy since I am asking for CS. I'm not wanting to "take him for all he has." things have been pretty civil overalll and I am really trying to keep it that way but I also don't want to leave to much for the OW and OC!

~As of right now, he lives with his mom but he has been talking about finding his own place. He mentioned the other day, something about having a friend of his move in with him to help with bills. I am hesitant because he has been telling me about a few of his new friends. He told me that a few of them jumped a guys fence to look around his property because they heard he had an elephant! He also told me that one of his new friends broke his hand because he punched a dog in the face!!! Now I am super nervous about all the new "friends" he has been hanging out with! I don't want him to have one of these people move into his house and be around our children! WH is 27 and the people he is hanging out with are 20-23. When WH gets around other immature guys he acts like a kid and ignores his responsibilities. Can I put something in the paper about no roomates?? I know it would apply to me too, which kind of stinks but I am seriously worried about these friends of his!! There is also the possibility of the roomate bringing girls home and parties since he is only early 20s and since he will be paying rent, how is WH (who would probably help plan these events) going to tell him no?

What else should I highlight in these papers? I really hate having to deal with all of this! Its so stressful!


Me- 23
WS- 26
3 children- 6, 5, 2 (one of which is autistic)
Married almost 7 years in October...
Dday- 11/10/12
Dday 2- 7/2/13 And I'm OUT! It's Divorce time!


Posts: 43 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: wish I knew
nowiknow23
♀ 33226
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 2:29 PM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I want there to be NO person of the opposite sex who is unrelated to be able to stay the night at his house.
You can write this into the agreement, but the truth is, morality clauses like this are really worthless. They aren't enforceable.

I will be asking for $600 a month CS for 3 children. I know I could get WAY more but this is all I want to help me out
Ask for the CS to be calculated according to the state guidelines, whatever those may be. The money isn't FOR you - it's for the kids. And even if you can get by with less, that money is for their ongoing support. Also, if the calculation is by the books, there's nothing capricious about it and no point to argue. Go according to the guidelines. Trust me on this one.
~ He is supposed to have them 50% of the time right now but has been waiting as late as he possibly can to pick them up and dropping them off the night before he is supposed to. I am going to ask for 60/40 visitation... Is that fair?
Of course it's fair. Wherever you do end up on the split, document the heck out of the times he doesn't take or the times he brings them back early. Document document document.
~We don't have any material items to split and what we did we already split so I am not worried about that. We do have 2 dogs. He is getting one of them that I don't want to ever be rehomed so I am going to put it in the papers, something about me getting the dog back if it comes down to it being rehomed. Is that reasonable?

Reasonable? Sure. Enforceable? Not so much. Once an asset (and unfortunately, pets are treated as belongings) is assigned, it belongs to that person. They can do with it what they want.
~All School related costs should be split evenly. How should I word that? Or should I specify what he should pay for and what I should pay for?
Is there a major income disparity between you two? If so, I would ask for all school, extracurricular, child care, camps, out of pocket medical/dental/vision, etc. to be split according to income. If he makes twice what you make, he should pay 2/3rds of the extras. Can't hurt to ask for it. Just make sure you are thorough with what those extra expenses are.
~My job doesnt offer insurance and since I don't have a career yet because I worked for him to go to school, I won't have an opportunity to get them insurance through a job. Should I make him responsible for providing insurance through his job or should I just buy a policy since I am asking for CS. I'm not wanting to "take him for all he has." things have been pretty civil overalll and I am really trying to keep it that way but I also don't want to leave to much for the OW and OC!
Having him keep them on his insurance is much less expensive. And in NO WAY should you agree to pay for insurance out of child support. That's a whole separate issue.
Can I put something in the paper about no roomates??
Man. I have zero experience with this kind of thing. I hope someone else is able to chime in on that particular concern.


You can call me NIK

"If you carry joy in your heart, you can heal any moment."
- Carlos Santana


Posts: 26151 | Registered: Aug 2011
lostmommy
♀ 33440
Member # 33440
Default  Posted: 2:58 PM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Can I put something in the paper about no roomates??

I would imagine this is just as enforcable as a morality clause, which means practically nil. Your lawyer would be able to tell you for certain though.

As for the rest, I agree with asking for whatever the state guidelines say for CS. I understand not wanting to go for the gullet, but the money is about your children not you.


Me (BS): 32, Mommy to J: 2 1/2 Divorced: 4/10/13
Sometimes you find yourself in the middle of nowhere, and sometimes, in the middle of nowhere, you find yourself

Posts: 485 | Registered: Sep 2011 | From: NY
Topic Posts: 3

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