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Got Settlement Date - Emotions to expect?

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Must Survive posted 7/25/2013 11:07 AM

Yeah, I met with my lawyer yesterday. We have a settlement conference in about a month, and then trial after that. I was worried about a trial, but he said it never gets to that with what we have going on. So I should be divorced within a couple of months.

During settlement I will have to sit in a room with him. I asked my lawyer if people cry, he said yes there is a lot of emotion.

For those of you that went this route, how do you handle your emotions. I have not seen STBXH for a year (last time was in my lawyer's office). I don't know that I will be able to control my emotions. My hurt, tears, anger. I have never said what how I feel about what he has done to our family. And I know it doesnt matter. But still. I am afraid to look into his eyes. I don't know if I want him to see how much he has hurt me or how strong I am and he no longer means anything to me (of course that is an act, I still am not over our marriage).

How did you all deal with this?

Pippy posted 7/25/2013 12:24 PM

I went through this and hadn't seen him in months. He was living with the OW by then. I was scared to death!

The main thing is to keep in mind why you are there. Finances. You are fighting for your future, for money that you are entitled to.

Go prepared, by having figures written down, if you each didn't have to do a financial statement. If you are getting support, go for a number higher than you need because inflation will soon eat it up.

I sat across from my now ex and we each had our lawyers. He was dressed in clothes the OW has obviously picked out.

His lawyer started going over his expenses and it was all lies. I saw red. I am usually a very shy person but this yanked my chain, so I said that I knew he was splitting all these expenses with the OW because he told me so himself! His L put the paper away quietly. My ex made a low offer and my L said, "If you don't help her, she will be living on dog food." My loving husband of 30 years just replied with a shrug. BIG MISTAKE!

All my fears went out the window and I was fighting for myself. He made a bigger offer. My L and I went to another room to discuss it.
She said, "Did you see how he is sweating? His shirt is soaked under his arms to his waist." I counter offered for $100 more/month and he accepted.

What I am saying is, this is not the time to think about/discuss your pain etc. Believe me, those issues will sort themselves out, but you still have to pay rent and feed your DS. Keep that goal in mind.

You can do this! If I did anyone can.

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