So, preDDay we had a "lipstick and hair" marriage. Lipstick and hair is where you have the kind of relationship (usually with friends) where you talk about topical things that aren't very important, like lipstick and hair, and nothing really deep like your faith, politics, dreams, you know.... who you are at your core. It was a decent marriage because there was no fighting, but it was shallow. If there was something wrong with either of us, we would just move past it, and the other one would not only not notice that something was wrong, but would never ask what was wrong later when it was a better time to talk and focus on the issue. Add to that that my H compartmentalized everything, and, well, we never talked about anything "real".
We've done a LOT of work since DDay, both on our M and on ourselves. H is so very different than he was before he ever even cheated, sometimes it's shocking how different. Yesterday we were dealing with an unexpected insurance bill of several hundred dollars. We had to be on the phone at the same time in order for me to talk to them because his name was the one on the policy, so they would call him and he would conference me in. He did this twice. The second time, the agent left to check something and never came back so I hung up. H called me back and I sounded down. He asked me what was wrong, and I started to let him know I was bothered about finances. While telling him this, the agent called him back so we had to cut our conversation off. H was also at work at this time.
The shocking thing is this. Last night, after he finished up all his work in the garage after he got home, and after the kids went to bed, and we could sit down and really focus on a conversation, he sat directly in front of me on the floor so he could be as close to me as possible and asked me what was bothering me earlier in the day. He said "I know something is wrong, and we didn't get to talk about it earlier, so please, will you talk about it with me now?" Just that in itself made me feel loved, cared about, important, and cherished. Even though it was late, he had to wake early for work today, and he still needed to take a shower (he was a sweaty mess after the garage), he still put all that aside to talk to me and figure out what was wrong and come up with a plan to help make it better.
I love my husband, he is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I have forgiven him for his failings, and he has risen above them to become a much better man than I ever thought he was. Today is a great day because I have him by my side as an ally in my life.