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Struggling today :(

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Grace and Flowers posted 7/25/2013 14:37 PM

I thought I could get through today. I know I will, but I'm surprised at how...down... am.

Today would have been my 26th wedding anniversary. I'd lived with XWH for 30 years when we split. Last year, although he was gone and we were over, we were still legally married on our anniversary. I got through it with lots of empowering music and inner toughness.

Last night XWH emailed me to tell me he wasn't sure what to say about today, that he'd never sure about how to say anything, really, that he was sorry he didn't know how to tell me he didn't love me anymore, and that he would "think of" me today.

Needless to say, I didn't respond to that mess. A few weeks ago he told me that I am "in everything he does". Really? Am I there in the middle of him and OW? I don't think so. He has been with her about 2 years now (I think...never got straight answers about much of anything), but he won't call her his gf....says he doesn't know "what she is" in his life.

I've actually done really well these last two years. Worked hard on feeling better, and I do!! I have a great life, I'm quietly seeing a great guy, life is better without WXH. So, I was surprised to wake up feeling this sadness. I don't want him back. I guess the email shook me up a bit, I don't know. I'm annoyed at myself for feeling sad today!

Argh!

And just to explain why we occasionally talk...one DS is critically ill. Too much to discuss via text, and easier to answer questions on phone. Not that we do that much. WXH usually has questions about medical bills first, then maybe about DS. And, it doesn't upset me to talk to him, when we do. It's usually short and to the point. Sometimes he cries.

Sorry to ramble. I've been feeing 98% great about my life. But today is one of the other 2%.

Thanks for listening. I know you all understand.

Faithful w/Love posted 7/25/2013 14:42 PM

that he was sorry he didn't know how to tell me he didn't love me anymore, and that he would "think of" me today.

This might be why you are feeling this way.

Even thru you don't want to be with him this was a way to sorta of hurt you and it did. Just to see words like that would hurt anyone.

What a PRICK!

BrokenDaisy posted 7/25/2013 14:54 PM

Just wanted to post for support and to acknowledge your feelings. I'm sorry you're having a bad day. It was an asshole move to send you that email.

It does sound like you have many positive things going for you so give yourself some slack for feeling down on such a big trigger day. I hope tomorrow is much better!

tryingagain74 posted 7/25/2013 14:56 PM

Wow. How noble of him to take some time out from his selfish life and "think of [you]" today.

FTG!


(((SadMad2012)))

DeadMumWalking posted 7/25/2013 15:00 PM

WHAT A FUCKING ASSHOLE!!!!!

((((SadMad))))

I'm so sorry this day is so hard, I hope you can carve out a little time from your day to make yourself feel special in some way.

F. T. G. big time.

((((SadMad))))

Williesmom posted 7/25/2013 15:01 PM

Yeah. Totally FTG. What a jagoff.

soveryweary posted 7/25/2013 15:50 PM

SadMad, sending you hugs.

Grace and Flowers posted 7/25/2013 18:40 PM

Thanks for the support.

And, you guys? THANK YOU for reminding me......

F. T. G. !!!!!

How could I forget those three little letters? Totally made my day!

I actually painted "FTG" on the inside of my closet door. It's now covered by a full length mirror, but *I* still know it's there!

Thanks again. I buried myself in some work, and I'm now gonna fix me up some toasted ravioli....yummmmm!

caregiver9000 posted 7/25/2013 18:52 PM

I read your post and was all ready to (((hug))) and assure you that of course we understand and 98% is awesome and you'll be back to it tomorrow for sure!!

and then,

I actually painted "FTG" on the inside of my closet door. It's now covered by a full length mirror, but *I* still know it's there!

I snorted. I grinned. I love this! And I realize you got this already.

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