I thought I could get through today. I know I will, but I'm surprised at how...down... am.
Today would have been my 26th wedding anniversary. I'd lived with XWH for 30 years when we split. Last year, although he was gone and we were over, we were still legally married on our anniversary. I got through it with lots of empowering music and inner toughness.
Last night XWH emailed me to tell me he wasn't sure what to say about today, that he'd never sure about how to say anything, really, that he was sorry he didn't know how to tell me he didn't love me anymore, and that he would "think of" me today.
Needless to say, I didn't respond to that mess. A few weeks ago he told me that I am "in everything he does". Really? Am I there in the middle of him and OW? I don't think so. He has been with her about 2 years now (I think...never got straight answers about much of anything), but he won't call her his gf....says he doesn't know "what she is" in his life.
I've actually done really well these last two years. Worked hard on feeling better, and I do!! I have a great life, I'm quietly seeing a great guy, life is better without WXH. So, I was surprised to wake up feeling this sadness. I don't want him back. I guess the email shook me up a bit, I don't know. I'm annoyed at myself for feeling sad today!
And just to explain why we occasionally talk...one DS is critically ill. Too much to discuss via text, and easier to answer questions on phone. Not that we do that much. WXH usually has questions about medical bills first, then maybe about DS. And, it doesn't upset me to talk to him, when we do. It's usually short and to the point. Sometimes he cries.
Sorry to ramble. I've been feeing 98% great about my life. But today is one of the other 2%.
Thanks for listening. I know you all understand.