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A million questions in my brain!!

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soveryweary posted 7/25/2013 15:39 PM


I have an appointment to speak with my attorney tomorrow morning, but I just wanted to throw a couple of things out there.
We are TRYING for an amicable divorce.
He is refinancing the house so my name can be off it, between the balance and home equity, there is no equity in it. So that's a wash.
We met his financial planner about a QDRO, he is giving me his entire pension. I will use a portion of that to buy myself a place, but that doesn't come in to effect until the divorce is final.
He has agreed to $300.00 per week for 7 years, I wanted ten and he wanted 5. Kind of met in the middle on that one.
If house prices go up and in a few years he sells and there is a profit, is it unreasonable of me to have it in the divorce decree that he splits the proceeds with me?
I haven't broached that with him yet because he thinks giving me his entire retirement makes up for EVERYTHING and that I will be on easy street.
Does anyone further in the process see that I may be missing something?
This is so mind boggling and I am really struggling with keeping it civil.
We are still in the same house for now and I want to push this as fast as possible to get the hell out of here. So hopefully after he goes tonight, my name will be off the house soon. I am pretty sure I can get approved for a loan for a place even without that pension money. I don't want to get an apartment for just a few months and have to move twice, plus I have my daughter who is medically fragile to think about.
Sorry, sorry for brain is scrambled!!

LifeIsBroken posted 7/25/2013 22:03 PM

If you don't ask for half the potential future equity if the house is sold, you won't get it. Better to ask for it now than regret later on not having brought it up. And, asking for it is reasonable. Good luck; I hope all this moves quickly for you.

woundedby2 posted 7/26/2013 01:39 AM

He is refinancing the house so my name can be off it

If house prices go up and in a few years he sells and there is a profit, is it unreasonable of me to have it in the divorce decree that he splits the proceeds with me?

If he refinances and you quit claim off the deed, then you have no ownership in the house, and I don't believe you could expect to receive any proceeds from its sale. The value of the home will be factored into the final divorce settlement.

Who has determined that the equity in the house is zero? There should be an appraisal done to assess its value.

The home equity debt may be considered a joint marital debt and you could possibly be responsible for half of it, so don't automatically deduct this off the value of the house. We had a Home Equity Line of Credit (Not a 2nd mortgage) and I was able to show that much of that line was used to pay off credit cards and to purchase trips and furniture for the house. Since it was not used to improve the house, it was treated like credit card debt. Half of it was deducted from his settlement amount when I bought him out of the house.

he is giving me his entire pension. I will use a portion of that to buy myself a place

I am part of a public employee's pension plan, so this stuff came up during my D. If he has a true pension, I don't think you can cash it out. I believe you would only be entitled to the payments once he retires. I think you should get this clarified.

Make sure the attorney figures out how much spousal support you are actually entitled to also. I think your stbx may be trying to pull a couple fast ones on you.

soveryweary posted 7/26/2013 06:00 AM

Thanks for the responses!!

Take2 posted 7/26/2013 06:08 AM

Health insurance? What about a life insurance policy - if he dies... no alimony.

devistatedmom posted 7/26/2013 08:16 AM

If you take yourself off the house and the mortgage, you have no claim to it if the value goes up. On the other side, if it tanks, he can't come back at you to pay anything either. Once you have signed off the house to him, none of it is yours, good or bad. check on that pension. You might not be able to touch it, or have to lose a bunch of it as penalties for drawing it out early.

I would not sign the qdro, or anything without talking the the L. You could be getting screwed here...he will own the house, and the only monies you will get you won't be able to touch for years.

homewrecked2011 posted 7/26/2013 08:24 AM

This was a really tough time for me, too.

Once it was all settled, I could begin to think clearly again....

I got in my D where he has to maintain life ins with children as benef until they turn 21.

Are you sure you want to leave the house? If you can't afford the payment, I totally understand. But, like someone here said, the home equity loan could be something he would have to pay.

When I thought about my house having 0 equity, I remembered that I only have 15 years left on the loan. If you move, you start all over at day1 year 1.

Just some thoughts for you.

chikastuff posted 7/26/2013 08:34 AM

child support?

Grace and Flowers posted 7/26/2013 09:28 AM

Re: the pension.

Yes, some pension (usually gov't ones) cannot be withdrawn. But my WXH had a pension from an old job and a 401k from his current job. I got half of both.

And, under a QDRO! You are allowed to cash out any or all of with no penalty...just the taxes, which you'd be paying later anyways. The 10% extra penalty does not apply in QDRO cases.

Good luck1

[This message edited by SadMad2012 at 9:28 AM, July 26th (Friday)]

EvenKeel posted 7/26/2013 12:28 PM

My friend did that with her house.

She refinanced in her name and took X off the deed.

However, they have a clause in there "IF" she ever sells, then her X gets half of the proceeds about $50K (the cost of her left mortgage).

So if it sells for $50K - all goes to my friend.

If it goes for $100K - she gets $75K and he gets $25K.

You can put anything you want into an agreement as long as you both agree to it.

My case is the opposite. I assumed the entire mortgage and got the house. There would be no way I would of agreed to splitting profit after I am the one paying all the upkeep, etc for decades.

[This message edited by EvenKeel at 12:30 PM, July 26th (Friday)]

EvenKeel posted 7/26/2013 12:32 PM

plus I have my daughter who is medically fragile

Make sure you have all the medical (who pays what) listed too.

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