Then yesterday, I heard STBX's attorney filed something about my mental health. I haven't seen it yet, but I guess it means I don't need to worry about what to DO, because I'm not in control of any of this anyway. He's just going to do whatever he does and I'm just going to respond, and it will go wherever it goes.
I mean, I did whatever I could to avoid court, short of leaving penniless or without my kids. I didn't post anything of substance at SI, because I didn't want to piss him off. I was willing to give away things that were very important to me. I was willing to let him keep his secrets with the money, which meant I probably got less than half of my real share of the assets. None of that was enough. It's like settling has never been an option unless I did it on terms that were so bad I'd have my kids but be destitute or 2 of my kids would be living with their military father, who is at risk of deploying and leaving them with we don't know whom, who thinks my SN daughter with behavioral issues doesn't need therapy, who wanted to SEPARATE the 3 girls, so I'd have the baby and he'd have the older 2. Nothing realistic can settle this, as far as I can see.
The only good thing is that I don't have to decide whether to fight or settle, because it isn't up to me.
I was willing to give up a lot too so I think I understand at least a little about how you are feeling. I realized that even if I settle for less or give up on important issues, that's still not enough!
You are doing great Coraline! Keep moving forward and doing what is in the best interest of your children. You are an awesome momma! Stay strong and keep those boots ON!
I can't decide if you sound strong, lost, or bewildered. I know that you are STRONG, and that will serve you well as you offer him silence for his every crazy, and as you surrender to the process. I am pleased that you have your father and your L championing you.
And of course, all of the SI army cheering you on and with you in spirit.
Don't back down and let him push you into a corner, mentally, financially, or emotionally. Fuck that motherfucker.
This is for you and your children. He's hiding money and trying to SEPARATE the children?? He tried to get you kicked out of your home?? Shine a light on that little cockroach.
I'm with dad. Get those bitch boots on and fight..
Sending you strength and hugs..
Also haven't you been to IC and nothing was wrong? Even if you had some sort of mental illness, as long as you are able to take care of the kids no judge is going to take the kids from you. Didn't the judge already more or less tell you, you are getting custody of the kids? Judges don't like splitting the kids up.
All of this from the person who was going to kick a pregnant woman and children to the streets? None of this is going to look good for him.
This motion with the mental health stuff is just bullshit. It's a pretty common move. Hell, my XH did the same shit to me. It didn't do any good and just made him look bad.
Don't let him get to you!
Remind yourself about what your dad said, fight back! Find that inner bitch and kick his ass in court. You got this!
It is what it is.
No, you're not steering the ship. Neither am I. I'm fighting back, though. I refuse to be made out as the crazy person, the overprotective mom, the unreasonable harpie. I have evidence to back up every single claim I've made. I will be able to look my children and my God in the eye when the time comes and confidently assert that I did everything I could to protect them and act as honestly & honorably as I could during this nightmare.
Butterfly, I don't think he hid much money (probably some). I think he ran up debt on his OW or gambling or whatever, and now he's claiming it was legitimate marital debt. Either that or he brought more debt into the marriage than I knew about. Whatever it is, he told multiple lies about our debt situation, and now he's claiming I just didn't want to be aware, so that's why I was wrong about how much debt we had. That's not what happened at all though. He actively deceived me for over a year and possibly longer.
Peridot, not that it actually matters as far as it being a jerk move, but I wasn't/am not pregnant for the whole kicking me out of the house thing. It's just me and the 3 littles. I am SO glad we aren't having another kid together! :) I think life is going to be grand in my home with my gaggle of girls. I can't wait for my NB.
I could see them planting something or just making shit up all together. That happened to me also.
It's a tattic to keep wearing you down, they are trying to get you hand everything they want because you get so sick of the nonsence and the gameplaying. Keep doing whats best for you and your kids. That is all you can do.
Best thing I gained in my divorce - my freedom.
Your STBX is manipulative and ruthless...I wouldn't put anything past him.
[This message edited by confused615 at 5:36 AM, July 26th (Friday)]
..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.
I'm pretty sure that anything they did do would track right back to them, because of digital fingerprints and all. The only thing I don't know is if my husband had access, due to his position, to other people's log-ins. Then that would be more problematic, but we'd still figure it out. I think I'm over thinking this though, and after what they actually *have* done, who wouldn't? I think it's more likely I'm just a little paranoid because of their whole conspiring to try to literally drive me crazy and abuse me more effectively by using her professional knowledge.
I'm assuming they both work in the medical field and could possibly get a hold of your medical history. If they alter it in any way, that's illegal and it can be traced back to them. I would not take that.
I wouldn't put anything past them but I wouldn't let it drive me crazy with worry until something does come up. Just prepare yourself for anything they might do.
One other thought I had besides what the others have said is have you read "Splitting"? It will give you good strategies on how to deal with the dirty tricks that someone such as your STBXH will employ during the D process. Apologies if you've already read it.
I would imagine they would have access to your health records, but it could be traced electronically if they tried to alter them. (I'm assuming electroinic health records).
Really, now that I think about it, they assume I won't tell anyone what she's done because it's not in my nature to do things like that. Plus, if I did decide that it was worth it, there would not be enough good will in the world to stop it. I'd either do it or not, no matter what they did, so I guess it doesn't actually matter what they do and they probably know it. Plus, she doesn't control him anyway, so it's not like she could make him stop.
I forgot to say that I don't really think this was in response to the last hearing. The judge was nothing but friendly/nice to all of us, including STBX. It's just that my understanding was that he told the attorneys the likely outcome of the custody case was that I would get the kids. At this point, I feel like I must've misunderstood something about that. My atty told me this motion was written before that hearing, but for whatever reason it wasn't filed until after.
[This message edited by Coraline at 9:06 PM, July 26th (Friday)]
I hope your lawyer is going to make him pay for the eval!
Keep the faith and hugs ((Coraline)).