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Newest Member: scorchedearth (60708)

User Topic: I am tired of being a PI
♀ 40009
Member # 40009
Default  Posted: 6:40 PM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I recently posted about my 5year relationship to an older guy who has 2 children with 2 different women, the youngest is about 4months and a 3rd on the way with the 1st child's mother. I feel like I am loosing control over my life seeing that I have become almost obsessive of his whereabouts online. I even created a fake fb account to monitor one of the OW's profile. trying to gauge what type of relationship they have. Its ambiguous to say the least and that is the greatest frustation. I know I am adding unnecessary pain by constantly seeing. I have a chat app on my phone were I can see that they can be both online at the same time and sometimes at odd hours of the night. I will be wondering. What are they discussing at 2am? Am I the only one who has done this. There hasn't been real closure. I haven't told me I don't want to be with him anymore and he hasn't called me or texted me for about 3 weeks now. I am tied of this limbo feeling. I want to confront him about the 3rd pregnancy but as I mentioned before, I don't know if that is going to help me. The fact of the matter is he has 2 kids with 2 women, possibly 3. Those women are not going to go anywhere. I am thinking how he is going to handle situations like holidays, summer vacations, birthdays...Why should I care? Is finding out more info about him or the OW helpful in any way? How do I stop. I find myself sometimes setting my alarm in the a.m just to see if they are online. A friend asked me if I think he is doing the same thing...checking up on me. I guess a part of me wants to think he still cares?! At least show it dammit. Truthfully its been a long 5 years of baby mama drama, and I don't want to deal with another one. Have I become so tolerant to the pain that I crave for it. Is this the reason why after 2-3 months of silence I end up being the one calling him. it makes me sick. I feel like I have given him so much power and I am just a weakling that doesn't know what she deserves. I need help!! How do i overcome this hurdle. I even invited the OW's friends and family just to see what comments they put on her profile....Has anyone done this before?

Posts: 6 | Registered: Jul 2013
♀ 12802
Member # 12802
Default  Posted: 7:34 PM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

doing the pi thing is normal, and it is exhausting. what you do need to do is recognize when it's affecting other parts of your life and becoming unhealthy.

I know how hard it is to step away from it, especially when it's become part of your daily routine.

Kids on the playground can be so cruel. “Get off the swings you’re like 50, and stop talking about Soundgarden, we don't even know what that is."

Posts: 14938 | Registered: Nov 2006 | From: mercury's underboob
♀ 37696
Member # 37696
Default  Posted: 8:26 PM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

run. get out. You deserve better. ((HUGS))

Anyone can give up, it's the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it together when everyone else
would understand if you fell apart, that's true strength.

Posts: 84 | Registered: Dec 2012
♀ 18522
Member # 18522
Default  Posted: 12:39 AM, July 26th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I do try to avoid telling people to run, but I think I must agree with SSmile on this one. I think you should cut your losses with this guy and move on. Can you imagine living like this for another 5 years? Constantly spying, watching, worrying? And a third child by another woman on the way?

Please remove yourself from this man's drama filled life. You definitely deserve more than this.


In 2010 I divorced the NPD assclown who cheated on me with my best friend.

Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.
~Robert Louis Stevenson

Posts: 8012 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: SoCal
♀ 39667
Member # 39667
Default  Posted: 8:06 AM, July 26th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

In the words of my therapist: you are just feeding the disease, whatever disease that is plaguing your relationship with this man (sex addiction, narcissism, substance abuse, immaturity, etc.)

You are trying to make sense of nonsense (that is what Dr. Phil says...and he's right).

Stand up for yourself, draw a line in the sand, and follow through. This is what I finally did after 7+ years of marital misery of one type or another (SAWH had an affair I was suspicious of but he denied for 2+ years). I finally decided that whatever was going on, I could not live like this any longer. The timing of mustering the courage to confront interestingly coincided with info that fell into my lap about the relationship I suspected. The universe has a way of telling you things (if you are listening).

None of this has been easy or sunshine and lollipops, but when I look back to where I was 4 months ago, I am grateful I know what I know now and that the situation is being addressed - whatever the ultimate outcome.

BS - mid-40's
SAWH - mid 40's
Kids - 2 elementary school aged
Getting tons of therapy and trying to "work it out"

Posts: 932 | Registered: Jun 2013
Topic Posts: 5

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