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BaxtersBFF posted 7/25/2013 22:38 PM

Think about that. I've lived in towns smaller than that. Many folks here live in towns way smaller than that.

40,000 people affected by infidelity, since 2001? Did I get the right year? And that is just 40K people who've searched and clicked on the right link and have had the ability to even consider searching for the words "surviving infidelity" out of all the possible searches one could perform on the internet.

Congratulations SI for making it here. Sorry we are all here...

But, I'm glad too, that we have a place that we can go to where there are folks who understand that pulling your head out of your ass isn't as easy as it should be. For the fact that we know that while it shouldn't be necessary in the first place, that we have folks who understand that it happens. And that we have a community that understands that we are all responsible for our choices.

40, God...what have we done. If I could apologize for each and every situation I would. But I can't. All I can point to is that we have a solid group who maintains a presence and who is committed to their own healing in whatever form that may take.

So, good job SI. Good job to everyone here who posts, whatever the situation. You are all welcome here. Nobody who is on the path to healing will be turned away.

ETA - minor typo's are the norm...

[This message edited by BaxtersBFF at 10:52 PM, July 25th (Thursday)]

LosferWords posted 7/25/2013 22:46 PM

I was stunned when I saw the member count flip the 40K breaker yesterday, too. I was reminded of a time when I was a child, and I was spending time with my grandmother. An ambulance went blaring by, and my grandma looked at me and smiled. I asked her why she was smiling, and she said, "That loud siren and those flashing lights means someone is getting the help that they need."

It's unfortunate that we have to be here, but it's very fortunate that we have this site to come to. That's 40,000+ people that are getting the help that they need.

BaxtersBFF posted 7/25/2013 22:49 PM

I don't know why, but grandparent stories always make me tear up...but it feels good too.

LosferWords posted 7/25/2013 22:52 PM

tired girl posted 7/25/2013 22:56 PM

I honestly don't know if HL and I would have made it if I would not have found this place. The wayward forum gave me the 2x4's that I needed to pull my head out and start fixing myself.

The friends I have met here are amazing people.

BaxtersBFF posted 7/25/2013 23:02 PM

Same here TG...gerrygirl and I would not be here if it weren't for SI. And for that I'm thankful beyond what can be expressed here.

blakesteele posted 7/25/2013 23:20 PM much hurt and pain for such little pleasure and gain.

I am thankful for this site. Not sure of my marital future but am sure I will be fine thanks to, among other avenues, this site.

God be with us all.

BaxtersBFF posted 7/25/2013 23:21 PM


Twentyplus posted 7/25/2013 23:57 PM

Yes, 40k is stunning to someone who, until four or five months ago when I started lurking and reading here, was struggling and lost at sea. A very dark and very enveloping ocean of pain. Already feeling the wind in my sails and grateful for all these tribal voices.

Gracias, @ deeplyscared & company.


Unagie posted 7/26/2013 07:04 AM

I read that post on Huffington Post and the comments after it and realized I would never ever get help if I hadn't found this place. Those comments are the reason I was sure I would always be seen as a horrible person no matter what I did before my A or after. I could be a saint for the rest of my life and would still be called a slut or a whore. Why do people think change is not possible?

I was on another site that had a section for waywards. That site allowed people still active in their A to post. I didn't get the help I needed because most posts turned into arguments between those that had the mindset that A's were wrong and those who said they were done for a reason. One day I was in fetal position on the couch crying. I had just come home from IC and felt like shit. I thought I had searched every possible combination of words for infidelity and cheating. I typed I just want to survive cheating and up popped this site. I lurked for awhile and even ran for a month after my first post because of 2x4's. I came crawling back at my lowest point and looked for mu original post. I read the responses and soaked it in this time. I kept posting, sometimes obsessively having 4-5 posts on different topics up at once. I read page after page on wayward. I cried when I ventured into JFO and the men's thread in ICR. F&G wasn't even glanced at for awhile. I inhaled the healing library and just hung on. Slowly I realized I was healing, little by little I was able to look in the mirror again and slowly started pulling back the layers. I've learned more about myself on this site then I have in my entire life.

When I discovered his A I never would have made it without you guys. Seriously I was hyperventilating and on the brink of a major anxiety attack. I knew so many would say I deserved it for my actions or that what he'd done wasn't as bad as my actions. You guys understood and have supported me. Although I am stuck right now gaining more strength to make a solid choice instead of being stuck in limbo you all still advise me and do not lose patience but rather encourage me to look deeper. I could names names but if I'm honest you all have helped me even the folks who have never posted on my threads. Just reading what someone else shares helps me realize where I need more work or gives me hope I will survive this.

I never had self confidence before although I fooled many it was all bravado. I've not liked who I was for a very long time, now I'm starting to like who I am and not because others like me or compliment me but because I like me, I don't need anyone else to bolster me.

So while 40k is sad because so many hurt people have walked through these "doors" it is also amazing because so many have been helped.

Sorry if this was long winded. Thank you for being here, all of you.

[This message edited by Unagie at 7:08 AM, July 26th (Friday)]

Faithful w/Love posted 7/26/2013 09:19 AM

You are have come a long way! I am very proud of you.
You are very correct in all that you posted.

40k...umm, it is very sad, that is 40k on this site that a marriage was rocked and pulled apart but for all of us here, it means that we as a wh or bs have or starting to learn who we are as indiviuals to be better then we were on both sides. It isn't about making the marriage better, it is about making ourselves better to have a better/great marriage or to be okay/great alone. It is about growning, learning, and seeing that all of us here are or were broken in some sort of way.
If it was not for the wh or bs how would we ever learn to be better people? We have one another on this site and that is a beautiful thing my family!
I love you all and you all mean so much to me.

[This message edited by Faithful w/Love at 9:21 AM, July 26th (Friday)]

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