I'm in a relationship with a guy I adore & admire. He has had, however, a hard life. Especially recently. It's generally a constant onslaught of little crap made large by it's constant presence. And the common denominator is money. As in he has none.
And it's just been a constant steam of ridiculousness. Down to things like paychecks that are not credited to his bank account when they are supposed to be, obviously exacerbating the money issue.
We are currently in an LDR for a few months to give him a chance to resolve some of the money stuff (he's away for a better job).
I happen to make a decent living. I've had no issue being generous because I can be.
But sometimes when his troubles overwhelm him, this guy ... partly it's he shuts down. Partly it's that he's snippy with me (as you would be dealing with what he's dealing with). Partly it's that he goes to the dark twisty place in his head. That place that exists in my head & is a constant threat to my own emotional well being so his having it too frightens me.
I'm sort of at a loss on how to handle this. I say supportive things. I don't take his upsetness personally. I tell him I'm here for him and so on. There's not much I can do given that we're apart right now.
What I don't do is offer to fix. I probably would help if he asked, but I not going to be a KISA. Plus there is part of me that wants to see how he handles all of this. is he going to do what he said he would.
And I can't even do casual nice things like make him dinner bc of the LDR aspect.
I guess what I'm unsure about is how to react. I'm sort of dumbfounded bc of course I only know what I would need were I in his shoes (ie lots of loving words, care, messages of concern). But this seems to aggravate him. Or I get the dark twisty responses of someone fed up & in emotional pain. He's not ugly to me, he says nothing nasty to me ... But codependent me feels all of this, fears that backing off & just not contacting him unless he reaches out will destroy our friendship, that fear of doing the wrong thing.... Or not doing the right one ... & on & on.
So how exactly do I handle this? I've just let him be this evening. He knows I care, I told him so. But me saying that doesn't really solve anything for him or relieve the immediate crapstorm circling his head literally & figuratively. Nor is it particularly helpful.
Idk, I guess I just wanted to get all of this out partly to reassure myself that's it's going to be ok regardless & that I'm handling this the best way.