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Devastated by one line...

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naivewife posted 7/26/2013 06:29 AM

"You know you love me. You know you love me and all of my foibles."
WH said this to me last night, in a sort of playful way. Suddenly I feel like all the progress we've been making has been blown out of the water. This statement hurts so much on so many levels. I told him to never say that again, and never refer to betraying me as a "foible" (that I apparently love). He said something like, "Sorry, I don't always say the right thing."
Am I making too much out of this?

confused615 posted 7/26/2013 06:42 AM

I think sometimes they just say stupid things. The other night my WH asked me,playfully,if I would be his girlfriend. I mean,WTF??

LivingALie posted 7/26/2013 07:38 AM

Ya know - my H says stupid stuff like that too - and I don't hold back anymore. It is a way of minimizing - or it strikes me as "boys will be boys" - "I was bad" that kind of thing.

You did the right thing by calling him on it right away. Thats what I've done too - no, you're not making too much of this - I know how much that hurts.

Blobette posted 7/26/2013 08:11 AM

I agree that they say stupid things (don't we all?) But they should be prepared for our "stupid" reactions in turn. You shouldn't be worrying about over-reacting. He said something dumb, you triggered... them's the consequences. All part of the roller coaster. Goodness knows I've seized on things my WH has said and fretted about them and plunged into a pit of despair ("this is never going to work!") Did he understand why it upset you? Did he comfort you?

Please don't worry about this. It's going to be the pattern of behaviors in your WH that will decide you, not single statements like this. (But each one feels so important at the time!)


HeartInADustpan posted 7/26/2013 09:35 AM

I think sometimes they just say stupid things.

Yes! I guess I get a look on my face when he says something dumb because he instantly knows and profusely apologizes for it. A small blessing, I guess.

Hang in there.

heforgotme posted 7/26/2013 09:36 AM

Language is very important in any situation, but in one like this that is so filled with hurt, I think there needs to be a particular sensitivity to it. And this comment was definitely not sensitive. And very minimizing.

sinsof thefather posted 7/26/2013 09:53 AM

While it certainly could be just a poor choice of words, I do think it's a bit revealing too imo. For someone who has not only had an affair but actually put you through a false R too - he seems a little over confident that he's going to be forgiven if you ask me. This could be revealing that he doesn't actually 'get' how much devastation his actions have caused you. That's what would upset me over it if I were you.

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