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BetrayedWife7 posted 7/26/2013 07:04 AM

My WH ended the affair almost three years ago (after being caught). I recently noticed his behavior and attitude toward me were changing and it felt very similar to when he was having the affair. I asked him about it. He said he was just under a lot of stress from work, father's cancer, change of career, us moving to a new state, etc. and that made sense. However, it kept nagging at me. So I thoroughly checked both his work and home e-mail accounts (he gives me access to whatever I want) and I found that he has been accused of sexual harassment at work.

It was January 2011 while he was deployed. He touched a woman's middle back twice while hugging her on New Year's Eve. It was investigated and dismissed and then reinvestigated and his career is over. He lied to me about why he wasn't promoted and lied when I asked him to fess up. It wasn't until I told him what I had found that he admitted the truth and said he didn't tell me because he was afraid he would lose me.

I asked him to tell me EVERYTHING I needed to know; no more lies/deceit, hiding the truth and he said he is currently under investigation, but doesn't know why cuz he won't cooperate this time. He says he was innocent the first time (he DID hug her under her shirt), and they blew it out of proportion. He cooperated fully and was burned (in his mind).

I thought he was done being stupid and now I wonder what else he's done and what else is out there? We have five children, I'm a stay-at-home mom and have been for 20 years. I'm thinking polygraph, but then what? What the heck should I do?

confused615 posted 7/26/2013 07:29 AM

Im so sorry. I think a polygraph is the best way to ferret out the truth.

I don't think "they blew it out of proportion." He hugged a woman *under* her shirt...if a man that is not my husband did that too me,I would consider it sexual harrassment..among other things. Hugging her under her shirt..and touching her bare back..*under* her so intimate.

Im really sorry. It sucks when you're years out from dday and you find out they're still lying.


EYA: I re-read my comment..I wanted to make it clear I don't think YOU think what he did was blown out of proportion..I was commenting on his minimization.

[This message edited by confused615 at 7:30 AM, July 26th (Friday)]

kiki1 posted 7/26/2013 11:25 AM


I'm sorry you are in this spot.

I do investigations here where i work and if we have a staff member who is under investigation and does not want to cooperate, they are fired and guilt is assumed.

I dont know how this works in the military, but i would assume not cooperating is not an option.

I dont mean to scare you, but i think he does know and is not telling you.

If he doesnt cooperate, what will the militart do to him?

They arent going to just not let him cooperate and drop it. you know?

I guess a polygraph is a good option.

Take care bw, hugs to you

Kelany posted 7/26/2013 11:37 AM

My fwh was fired from his job last July for sexual harassment.

I'm pretty sure they have to tell you why you're being investigated.

My fwh lied to me until I threatened (and would have) to call his boss. On a couple occasions he'd patted an employee's knee, rubbed her shoulder...and told her he wanted to kiss her but knew he couldn't.

That was Dday2.

Dday3 came 10 days later.

I hate to tell you, but he knows what he's done. He's trying to cover his ass right now. Big time.

I know this situation all to well and its a nuclear bomb dropping in your lap. If you need to talk, feel free to pm me.

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