I have been married for 3 weeks. I have been with him for 2 years. after the first year, we moved in together and I noticed a change in him. I would wake up at night and he would be in the bathroom....he said he was having stomach issues.
Then I started back to school after 20 years, and I caught him red handed. literaly. We had an extra room where he would wait until I was gone to go in and watch porn on his phone and masturbate. it got so bad that when we were intimate, he couldnt get it up. I found a full load of clothes in this room that he had used for his "skeet".
He promised me no more, I caught him like 2 more times. then we were good, it was done. the i noticed he had this new app on his phone that he said was to help him watch youtube vids. I found out this week that it was so he would watch porn, and look at pictures and masturbate. He had forgotten to clear his phone.
A friend directed me to this site before I had the chance to confornt him, and I am so glad. I had the tools to have a go at him when he came home. When I explained he cheated on me sexually and emotionally with another woman, and what went into it, he was agreeable. He said he understood.
yesterday I had a panic attack so bad, I was shaking when he got home. I told him how I was feeling..how HE made ME feel, he was understanding at first, then he blew up..."All men whack off and look at porn!" He said..."And if they say they dont. they are liars or it doesnt it work, I dont get your issue, it must be a woman thing because I did not cheat on you. it was just a picture!"
I told him how about this being a human thing, how about the fact that YOU hurt another human, made them feel pain because of your actions....can you understand that! and I told him this BS abbout all men do it....so what? it should be accepted? what is it that all women do, that devistate men, but the excuse is...well all wommen do it, so it' okay? he had no answer.
He will over talk me, yell at me, leave the room while still grumbling.
I laid down the law. I tuned the data off on his phone, it will never be turned back on. He is no longer allowed to drink as well because he has a binge drinking problem, and when he does that, the worst idea sounds like the best in his state.
He has agreed wiht this...so far, I need some advice on how to keep up with the follow through. to let him know this is it, there are no other chances, he changes like the wind. if I catch him in a lie, all he says is "SO!" like a child. Or, I did it like 2 days ago...this is when after he quit smoking I would catch him doing that as well. The man seems to do what he wants, when he wants, and when he sees he has hurt you, he is sorry....for like a second, then he brushes off, and trips on down the road happy as a lark with hurting victims in his wake...
how do I get through to him. i want this marriage to work. I love this man with every thing I have. Help me please.