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Back from break and reflecting

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Mack9512 posted 7/26/2013 09:46 AM

It's been a while since I posted but I needed to take a metaphorical break from the A, IRL and online...but I'm back.

A couple of days ago, I realized that my fWH and I were on our way to rugsweepingland, so since it is almost one year to the day that my fWH and the MOW got back in contact, I wanted to talk with him about how everything started. We talked about how he felt “unhappy” and “disconnected” to me and that the MOW filled that void that he THOUGHT he had. In describing his feelings he said that now he realizes it wasn’t a disconnect with me but a disconnect within himself. That in looking back and analyzing everything that he did back then he sees how completely out of his mind he was. “I can’t believe that in three weeks, I went from talking to her for the first time in 20 years to wanting to end my marriage for her. That’s not normal.”

I firmly believe that my fWH was not her first and will not be her last A, so I broached the possibility that she used his ‘unhappiness’ and ‘confusion’ in a scheme to get him to help her end her marriage? At first, he didn’t believe this was accurate but when he really thought about it he changed his mind and admitted that it was a possibility. He talked about how every time he “broke up” with her, to come back to me, she was "devastated". Uncontrollably crying, begging him to stay with her, pleading for another chance, etc. She hounded him with telephone calls, emails and text messages. He thought it meant that she truly lurved him. She often used the ever-believable “oopps! I am so incompetent with electronic equipment I accidentally butt dialed you (5 times in one day). It was soooo an accident…but while I have you on the phone have I told you that what we have is MTL????” She is a director in a technology-based field, so I never believed the butt dial excuse. He said that he thought she really loved him and that I didn't because I never cried, begged or pleaded with him after the first DDay. But when he compared her actions to mine….he realized is wasn’t so much lurve as manipulation. I am not excusing my fWH in any way shape or form. He is a KISA and was looking for a damsel to dangle herself in front of him. I'm not a damsel in distress, nor will I ever be, so he went looking elsewhere.

Sitting in our backyard watching DD7 play with the puppy, he admitted that every night before he goes to sleep he thanks the ‘powers that be’ for waking him up out of his fog before he lost everything that was important to him. I thank the ‘powers that be’ for giving me the fortitude to handle the A storm, no matter what way the wind was blowing.

Thanks for listening/reading.

LosferWords posted 7/26/2013 12:06 PM

Welcome back. Sounds like you and your fWH are doing great. Thanks for the update!

I'm glad the 'powers that be' are working in your favor. Those moments in the back yard with the family are very precious.

Mack9512 posted 7/26/2013 13:55 PM

Thanks LosferWords. The priceless moments are the things that both my fWH and I lost site of for the 2+ years preceding the A. Sitting down and savoring the little things is what I am working on for myself, my family and for my M. It is amazing how easy it is now that I've let all of the distractions go.

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