POLL: If I were to disappear from social media for 48 hours, my friends would immediately:
a) call my parents/significant other/the police;
b) think I’ve accidentally flushed my phone down the toilet;
c) think I haven’t been able to pay the ISP this month;
d) think I’m on a bender with:
i) Tommy Lee;
ii) Courtney Love;
iii) Pete Doherty;
iv) Margaret Atwood;
v) Charles Buckowski (I know, he’s dead but roll with me here…)
and am too wrecked to tweet a selfie;
e) think I’ve been abducted and held for ransom and they haven’t gotten the password out of me yet;
f) think I’ve road-raged a cyclist and been concussed by a Kryptonite lock;
g) think I’ve been seduced by the love of my life and am holed up in a hotel with my phone turned off;
h) think my significant other has flushed my phone down the toilet in an act of jealous rage;
i) think my kid has “accidentally” flushed the phone;
j) think my cat has hidden the phone somewhere;
k) think I’ve had my phone stolen and it’s taking my provider too f*cking long to replace it;
l) think I’ve fallen and can’t get up;
m) think I’ve actually lost my mind and run off to somewhere with no internet access.
