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When does it stop????

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ceilingwalker posted 7/26/2013 14:02 PM

Anyone here that actually walked in and found their spouse naked with another person, WHEN DOES THE VIDEO IN MY MIND STOP PLAYING IT OVER-AND-OVER AGAIN?????? I can't find any peace! I try to watch movies, read books, riding my dirt bike, and nothing stops it. We are trying to reconcile but I am now afraid to go into my own bedroom (that is where it took place), and if I see a strange car near my house I panic thinking she is doing it again. Even when it does stop, it will play again without me even thinking about it and not being prepared for it. It brings tears every time it plays. It has been just over three weeks but it wont stop!

ineedtoleave posted 7/26/2013 14:10 PM

Wow..... No advice, I just want to tell you that I think I would be going thru the same thing if it were me!!! ((((ceilingwalker)))

1Faith posted 7/26/2013 14:34 PM

Oh Ceiling

I am sorry. I don't have any words of wisdom. I wish I did.

You have been heard. And I am so sorry.

What you are feeling is completely normal. It sucks but it is normal.

Try IC. You need to get your feelings out.

Get a new bed to start. Seriously. I got rid of THE couch.

The shock of infidelity can cause PTSD. It takes such a heavy toll on the betrayed.

What you're feeling is normal, awful but normal. Sometimes it takes months to begin to process it all. Do what you need to do to heal yourself. Be kind to you now.

Again, if you can go to IC, it helps a lot. It is your WW's job to fix herself. You can't fix her because you didn't break her. You did nothing wrong.

See your doctor regarding antidepressants and/or anxiety medicine. Take whatever help you can.

Come here often. You are not alone and you matter.

((((so sorry)))

doesitgetbetter posted 7/26/2013 14:43 PM

I didn't have to see that thankfully. I do know many who did though. There is at least one couple on here (they don't post much anymore) where the wife walked in on the WH and either a neighbor or the BW's BF having sex in their garage. They worked on R for several years and it seemed to get better for them.

My MIL walked in on her WH having sex with another woman once. Interestingly enough, the WH refused to admit he was actually having sex with the woman and convinced BW that she was crazy. He cheated several more times, and they eventually divorced. The BW compartmentalized the images so she didn't have to deal with the pain, but she also doesn't deal with anything else unpleasant in her life either.

I am so sorry you have to deal with that. As if the mind movies aren't bad enough, to have an actual memory of it would just be heartbreaking. (((ceiling)))

thecosmogirl posted 7/26/2013 16:39 PM

((((Big hugs))))

The mind movies are horrible. I just can't fathom actually having a real memory :( I'm so sorry!!
Please read the healing library and get into IC.
Take care of you!!! Drink plenty of water.
This is a great place to be right now. Sorry you had to join us :(

whattheh posted 7/27/2013 14:18 PM

I didn't walk in on them but she sent a pic of them in bed together which shocked me.

We have moved out of the bedroom and burnt the bed and any bedding used. My husband said this made him feel better too. She left things in my house which i found sporadically week after week after dday. We burnt everything.

I also made a game up to distract my mind. OW had pig nose so I nicknamed her 'miss piggy'. When mind movies started i visualized kermit as superman dragging miss piggy away in funny ways like her hanging by her feet and screaming. Superman worked 4me cuz it was our first date movie.

Research or talk to your C about PTSD and infidelity. If you have this there may be some coping strategies which may help.

[This message edited by whattheh at 2:26 PM, July 27th (Saturday)]

mainlyinpain posted 7/27/2013 14:32 PM

Oh CW, how devastating for you!
What a betrayal. This is so fresh for you. You need to take care of yourself first and foremost. Try the 180 to help you feel in control.
Don't make any decision now, just try to keep breathing.
Consult a lawyer so you know what your options are, seek IC for yourself. You need help and support.
Think about moving if you stay together. For thirteen years? How could do not deserve this treatment from the person who should be loving and protecting you.
Who is he? Have you outed the affair to his wife if he is married? How are your kids doing?
So so sorry for this heartache you are living.

(((Hugs))) and peace to you.
Sending you strength.

EasyDoesIt posted 7/27/2013 16:43 PM

I'm not a counselor, but it almost sounds like a PTSD thing. I hope you're seeking counseling for yourself aside from the marriage.

None of this is going to be easy but this is a good place to vent and ask questions.

Good luck.

Ashland13 posted 7/27/2013 21:15 PM

I'm really sorry, ceiling walker.

While I don't have an actual memory, I have the visions and it's terrible. I find sheer disgust at nearly Exh now, FWIW and when I got rid of his belongings or pictures, it started to help.

Another thing that helps but takes research is meditation.

There are simple mediation exercises and more difficult exercises and what I find is that it helps reel my mind back into the present, into the room, into the now and even for a moment in time, away from the thoughts.

And something I tell myself as part of it that's quick is, "It's all done. It's all over." and things like this, with the goal as before of reeling in my foggy brain.

Sometimes looking around my surroundings and simply naming objects with their colors is a simple beginning to meditation, also bringing that brain back to the present.

I'm sorry once again for your hard time and wish you peace from it. Believe it or not, a time will come when new light will shine on your journey.

ceilingwalker posted 7/27/2013 22:25 PM

Oddly enough whattheh, I don't need to look up PTSD, I have been treated for it, the military has been treating that for me but as I mentioned before, I would rather go back in and fight than go through this again. I literally felt something inside me break and it is not an exaggeration. My nightmares are no longer post-military, they are of what I saw a few weeks ago. Bring back the old nightmares, they were easier to deal with!

homewrecked2011 posted 7/27/2013 23:09 PM

I also felt something jerk in my brain when I found out about the OW (a friend) and my H in our home. I did not see them, but the OW bragged to several people about it.

I barely got thru the first 3 months. I stayed in the shower until the hot water ran out. Over and over and over all day. Finally -- I had to do an outpatient at Charter Counseling hospital for 2 weeks. Thank GOD! Most everyone in there was there for spousal cheating. Very normal people married to someone who cheated on them.

Your brain will heal, but for now please just get thru each day, hour by hour.

Also, in my case the OW did this to her 1st H and the H killed the OM and himself. No lie. The only thing that held me together was that the 1st husband SHOULD have been the one to live and see his daughter grow up.

You take care of you, don't try to solve any issues now. Just take care of you.

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