I am sorry. I don't have any words of wisdom. I wish I did.
You have been heard. And I am so sorry.
What you are feeling is completely normal. It sucks but it is normal.
Try IC. You need to get your feelings out.
Get a new bed to start. Seriously. I got rid of THE couch.
The shock of infidelity can cause PTSD. It takes such a heavy toll on the betrayed.
What you're feeling is normal, awful but normal. Sometimes it takes months to begin to process it all. Do what you need to do to heal yourself. Be kind to you now.
Again, if you can go to IC, it helps a lot. It is your WW's job to fix herself. You can't fix her because you didn't break her. You did nothing wrong.
See your doctor regarding antidepressants and/or anxiety medicine. Take whatever help you can.
Come here often. You are not alone and you matter.
My MIL walked in on her WH having sex with another woman once. Interestingly enough, the WH refused to admit he was actually having sex with the woman and convinced BW that she was crazy. He cheated several more times, and they eventually divorced. The BW compartmentalized the images so she didn't have to deal with the pain, but she also doesn't deal with anything else unpleasant in her life either.
I am so sorry you have to deal with that. As if the mind movies aren't bad enough, to have an actual memory of it would just be heartbreaking. (((ceiling)))
The mind movies are horrible. I just can't fathom actually having a real memory :( I'm so sorry!!
Please read the healing library and get into IC.
Take care of you!!! Drink plenty of water.
This is a great place to be right now. Sorry you had to join us :(
D-day 14 June 2013
I'm smart, good looking and gosh darn it, people like me!
We have moved out of the bedroom and burnt the bed and any bedding used. My husband said this made him feel better too. She left things in my house which i found sporadically week after week after dday. We burnt everything.
I also made a game up to distract my mind. OW had pig nose so I nicknamed her 'miss piggy'. When mind movies started i visualized kermit as superman dragging miss piggy away in funny ways like her hanging by her feet and screaming. Superman worked 4me cuz it was our first date movie.
Research or talk to your C about PTSD and infidelity. If you have this there may be some coping strategies which may help.
[This message edited by whattheh at 2:26 PM, July 27th (Saturday)]
(((Hugs))) and peace to you.
Sending you strength.
None of this is going to be easy but this is a good place to vent and ask questions.
While I don't have an actual memory, I have the visions and it's terrible. I find sheer disgust at nearly Exh now, FWIW and when I got rid of his belongings or pictures, it started to help.
Another thing that helps but takes research is meditation.
There are simple mediation exercises and more difficult exercises and what I find is that it helps reel my mind back into the present, into the room, into the now and even for a moment in time, away from the thoughts.
And something I tell myself as part of it that's quick is, "It's all done. It's all over." and things like this, with the goal as before of reeling in my foggy brain.
Sometimes looking around my surroundings and simply naming objects with their colors is a simple beginning to meditation, also bringing that brain back to the present.
I'm sorry once again for your hard time and wish you peace from it. Believe it or not, a time will come when new light will shine on your journey.
A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess
Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.
I barely got thru the first 3 months. I stayed in the shower until the hot water ran out. Over and over and over all day. Finally -- I had to do an outpatient at Charter Counseling hospital for 2 weeks. Thank GOD! Most everyone in there was there for spousal cheating. Very normal people married to someone who cheated on them.
Your brain will heal, but for now please just get thru each day, hour by hour.
Also, in my case the OW did this to her 1st H and the H killed the OM and himself. No lie. The only thing that held me together was that the 1st husband SHOULD have been the one to live and see his daughter grow up.
You take care of you, don't try to solve any issues now. Just take care of you.