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Embarrassing but I don't know where else to share

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dwellz posted 7/26/2013 16:00 PM

I am so sick of having to replace things i lost in the separation.

The depression medication I was on stopped working, so I switched. My current medication's side effect of anorgasmia had me feeling frustrated with my general means, so I went to my hiding place and my item was missing. Which pissed me off. I don't know what's worse, that OW and WW may have "it" and are enjoying it together, or that I may have inadvertently lost it in the move. I am financially screwed by the pending divorce so I can't afford to replace "it". And I was the one who bought "IT" in the first place!

And I don't want the complications of finding release with another person. Frankly I just want to live like a hermit.
This sucks.

On top of that, WW refuses to send my share of an escrow check to my lawyer, and I keep seeing her around town. Divorce blows.

numbandnauseous posted 7/26/2013 16:47 PM

So sorry, dwellz.

Feel free to vent.

I know it doesn't help for the immediate furture, but keep on putting one foot in front of the other and it will get better.

Can you switch medications to one that doesn't cause anorgasmia?

Random question, but how did you catch them in the "driveway?" I assume they were in a car in the driveway?

dwellz posted 7/26/2013 16:56 PM

Thanks. I would rather take no medication, but I wanted to give it a shot, per MD recommendation. I have a follow up appointment in a month, so if it continues, I will address it then.

They were passionately kissing in OWs truck. I was taking out the trash. I stood and watched for a minute because I couldn't believe my eyes, then I knocked on the window and they both looked at me horrified. I had just walked out a few minutes before and they had waved to me, so I was especially shocked that they were brazen enough to do that. Goes to show that WS really didn't want to be in the marriage. I wish she would have told me that before we bought a house and got married!

hurtbs posted 7/26/2013 17:18 PM

Ughh... I'm so sorry.

Are you guys doing an in house separation?

woundedby2 posted 7/26/2013 18:10 PM

That sucks.

My XH took all of the sex toys when he moved out. Like you, I didn't realize it until a bit later...

I still have no idea why he took them. Was he using them with OW?? Were they trophies? or was it supposed to be punishment for me?

It's crazy no matter how you look at it...

dwellz posted 7/26/2013 19:22 PM

We started off with an in-house separation, but I moved out in April, after she started bringing OW to the house while I was there.

I wouldn't be surprised if OW searched through my stuff and took it. She made it a point to be there while I was moving out my stuff, and to say "I love you" to WS loud enough for me to hear. Jerk.

PhantomLimb posted 7/26/2013 19:48 PM

While I totally support the advice to adjust your meds, I will attempt to give you some additional, practical advice for the short term: if you've seen the movie "The 40 year old Virgin" go back to the scene with the girl who is in her jacuzzi. She suggests that a particular household item is her "friend" (I think that's the term she used).

You might already have the solution right in your bathroom.

caregiver9000 posted 7/26/2013 21:55 PM

ewwwwww, creepy that it would be taken and used with OW!!! Not sure why this would "shock" me given that the whole getting naked with an OW is bad enough, but this just feels like a whole other level of ewwwww...

sorry dwellz, my sympathy.

dwellz posted 7/26/2013 22:26 PM

I was thinking if I win the lottery, I'd buy a billboard right next to her office that says "adulteress" and a recognizable rendering of her face.

I'm hoping that we might be able to get the marriage annulled in the state where we were married since it isn't legal here.

Who knows. Hopefully the lawyers will get back to me soon. Until then, I search for quarters with which to buy lotto tickets...

caregiver9000 posted 7/26/2013 22:37 PM

I had the billboard fantasy too! I was going to post his Craigslist ad, complete with contact information. But the photos weren't "suitable" for the public. And I realized that our sons could read.

But it was a fun fantasy!

Vulcanized posted 7/27/2013 04:01 AM

If I'm understanding this correctly, WX and OW took your personal goodies?

That is incredibly fucking foul. Seriously, wtf would use another persons's items?

As for replacements, Adam & Eve is a good source ...

Pass posted 7/27/2013 18:39 PM

Thanks dwellz. The anorgasmia hits me from my antidepressants as well. You just reminded me of an item from the marital "sex box" that would help me along.

I sent an email to The Princess asking about it, and she was only to happy to say she'll bring it next time. Thank God!

trebleclef posted 7/27/2013 20:31 PM

I didn't have much in the way of "equipment" - but apparently MOW enjoyed my used sex toys anyway - my WH.

hurtbs posted 7/27/2013 21:09 PM


On the topic of replacing other things - and you're right, it sucks, try to explore minimalism a little bit. I have been quite happy to move only a few small things and to not get too attached to objects.

At the same time, I've looked to the internet, goodwill, craigslist, groupon, and yard sales for replacing objects. Largely, I've focused on making things "mine" - it's not a shared object.

caregiver9000 posted 7/27/2013 21:12 PM

hurtbs, I can not read your post without thinking of the original topic. I KNOW you said "other" things, but still... As if anyone would look for a replacement object on Craigslist.

Oh, wait. My ex did. That is where he found the OW.

dwellz posted 7/27/2013 21:32 PM

I have actually embraced a more minimalist lifestyle- what I've been irritated to replace is things that you take for granted when you have, like spoons and can openers, and spices. More irritating when she asked for help to boil water, the first time she touched the stove was 6 years into the relationship. So you need my spices so OW can cook for you? Doesn't she have her OWN house?? With a POOL? Live there!
But alas. I am slowly replacing only what I need.
And getting rid of everything I don't...
Thanks for letting me vent. I SO needed this!

Kajem posted 7/27/2013 21:50 PM

I get a sick sense of gratification that the toys he took/kept were mine first.

Still eeeewwwwwwwwww is right.

We deserve new stuff.



dwellz posted 7/30/2013 12:59 PM

UPDATE: I found a can opener! :D
Not the aforementioned item that started this rant in the first place, but it's a start...

Looking forward to my appointment with my MD. Apart from finding the can opener, I've been generally bummed. No other news to report. For now...

chikastuff posted 7/30/2013 13:14 PM

$20 silver bullet, you can get one on Amazon.

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